boundries
by jezz rivett
Summary: i have many boundries, but what happence when a boy is able to get these boundries to fall
1. i hate it

My name is Louise Felm. I am a muggle born, or mudblood. My hair is a mousy brown, and curly, I hate it, or I used to. I suppose I am average build, and curvy in the right places.

My story begins when I was eleven, I went to a normal Primary school and I loved it, I had many friends and I was well liked. I left primary school to go to senior school when I was eleven; I promised myself I would not make friends.

However, that did not work, my first year at senior school, I had my whole year like me.

You may be thinking, she is popular, why is she complaining, but I knew I was different, I did not know how, but I knew there was something weird about me, I did not want people to get hurt by me, as I believed I hurt people (I still do in a way).

I finished my first year in senior school after my friends did me up to go to the end of year dance, they even straightened my hair with a muggle contraption that are like scissors (another muggle contraption) with large rectangle metal plates that get really hot. Well I went to the dance and I did smile after it, a boy I liked asked me to dance.

The summer holidays came, I was ready for my next year of senior school (or hellhole, as I liked to call it) when I got a letter, send by a beautiful white tawny owl. Of course, I did not know about the magical world this scared me a bit, a letter brought by owl was unheard of.

Nevertheless, I opened the letter to find it had tidy handwriting, very unfamiliar writing, it said:

_Dear Louise Felm,_

_I apologise for the late arrival of this letter, I was unaware of you until the middle of the year, which was of course, was too late._

_This letter is your acceptance for Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, you will find enclosed, the school rules, your school list, and how to get to the school, you will also find a train ticket._

_Yes, Miss Felm, you are a witch, if you have any queries, just send my owl with a letter, she will not leave, unless you tell her to._

_I hope to see you in the new school year, and when you get to the school, I will be awaiting you in the entrance hall._

_Yours truly,_

_Head master _

_Albus Dumbledore_

That is why I am so weird, but this is my chance to become the nobody I am.

I went to my parents to show them the letter with the owl on my shoulder. I did not really have a brilliant relationship with my parents, in fact: I never spoke to them. I shoved the letter into my mum's hand then went back up stairs.

I did not get up to my room to turn my music on full blast, when I was called back. "What is this?" my dad said pointing at the letter in my mum's hand, she was crying.

"It's a letter"

"I mean, what is it with you? All you do is course trouble, and now you're a freak, where did we go so wrong with you?"

"It is not your fault! Moreover, it is not mine, I don't understand you, you blame me for everything and how do I course you trouble? I never talk to you! I barely see you because I think there is no point seeing you looking at me as if you hate me, I am going whether you like it or not, you can come with me to get my school supplies, or I can go alone, either way, I am going".

"Why do you do this to us?" my mother screeched, her tears evident in her voice, my father went to comfort her. A single tear glided down my own face, but that was because of the hurtful words my father had used.

I turned on my heal, grabbed my hoodie, and the letter and slammed the front door behind me.

I allowed my tears to flow freely; I sat down on a bench. I realised the owl was still on my shoulder. "You understand don't you?" the owl gave a small hoot; I smiled despite my tears. I drew my legs up to my chest and hugged them.

I dropped my head so it was resting against my knees "Are you ok?" I looked up to see a boy about my own age with dark messy hair and glasses. He was also quite tall. He was quite cute on top of all that.

"Who are you?"

"James Potter, you?"

"Louise Felm" the boy named James sat down next to me stroking the owl offhandedly like it was normal to have an owl on your shoulder.

"Are you a witch?"

"Apparently, I got a letter today" I showed him the letter,

"So… how old are you? And why are you upset?"

"I'm twelve. And I was crying because my parents now think I'm a freak and things, I doubt they will come and get my school supplies, and I don't have any money, and I don't know where to get the stuff"

"Come on" James got up and held out his hand for me to take, I took it so he pulled me up and lead me down the street (he was still holding my hand); it took about five minutes to a house I had never even noticed before.

He led me up a long driveway and then opened the door that had a lion doorknocker, which puzzled me at the time. I later found out… I am jumping a head; I am going to go through the story in the right order, ok.

James took me into the front room where a kind looking woman with hazel eyes was sitting sewing up a pair of trousers with a wooden stick carved, it looked weird, she was just flicking the stick and it would do what she wanted.

There was a man that looked identical to James except older and he had brown eyes. "James, what's that, stick the woman is holding?"

"That's a wand, that's what helps you do magic, you'll learn it at Hogwarts, don't worry" I nodded still slightly confused.

"Mum, this is Louise, she's my age, and has only just got her Hogwarts letter, her parents did not take it well, do you mind if we take her to diagon alley, and could she borrow some money as well?"

"No, I can't ask to borrow money off you" I said amazed James had even considered it

"Nonsense dear, we have enough, and as it is school supplies you don't need to pay us back"

"You don't even know me!" I tried again, this was going terribly, it looked like I had made a friend even before I stepped foot into the school

"Dear, I am sure we will get to know you and I am sure you are a nice girl, you seem polite enough, and it sounds like you are in a spot of bother" I looked at the floor, embarrassed.

"Dear, I can understand, you feel like you are intruding, but honestly, you are not, I trust you a lot, you have Albus' owl on your shoulder and she seems loyal to you, so I trust you" I petted the owl self consciously.

The owl nibbled my finger, almost in an affectionate way. Ok I am talking rubbish of course an owl would not nibble affectionately, not to me anyway.

I have many boundaries to stop people knowing who I am, stops me crying infront of people, I hate to show how weak I am, if I allow people to see how weak I am, they take pity on me, makes people worry about me.

"Dear, are you ok?"

"I should go, pack my stuff"

"To come back here?" James said almost eagerly

"No" I said laughing as if it was the most ludicrous thing in the world

"Where will you go then?" Mr Potter asked, it was the first time he had spoken, he had a deep kind voice, I shrugged; I didn't care.

"I'm going to go with you, you can't live on the streets" just then the owl on my shoulder flew off hovered about a foot away from me. Then transformed into a tall man with a long white beard, he was wearing some kind of navy blue robes with silver moons and stars and a pair of half moon spectacles were balanced on his long crooked nose.

I jumped and stepped against the wall in a mixture of fear and surprise "Professor?" James said surprised. However, James' parents were unfazed.

"Hello Albus" Mrs Potter said cheerfully

"Good afternoon Joanna, Miss Felm, you cannot live on the streets and I saw how your parents were, I shall take you home, you will pack, while you do that, I will talk to your parents, after that, you will come back here and I trust Joanne will be happy to take you in for the remainder of the holiday?"

"Of course Albus" I nodded, knowing I did not have a say in the matter.

The man I supposed was the headmaster of the school, I would be going to. Made sure I was behind him then walked away from the Potter house, I followed him quickly "Sir, why are you doing this for me?"

"Because I saw how your parents reacted, I saw how you were before I delivered the letter, I am sorry that I did not know of you before"

"Why would you, I'm, not important, I would not expect you to know of me" the man called Dumbledore smiled sadly at me but did not say anything just gestured for me to follow him until we got to my house.

Dumbledore rang the doorbell and waited until someone opened the door "Louise Rose Cheryl Gabriella Felm where…" my father who had opened the door realised I was not alone "I'm sorry to disturb you Mr Felm, I was wondering if we could have a chat"

"Who are you?"

"Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of…"

"Don't carry on, why do you want to talk to me, she's not going, end of, she is not a freak"

"Louise, do you want to go to my school?" he asked turning to me

"Yes, of course I do"

"Then she will go, with or with out your permission, now are you going to invite me in or are the neighbours going to start talking?" my father stepped aside, I went straight upstairs to my room where I got my big gym bag and stuffed everything I owned into the bag. I got my record bag and packed all the records I needed into it.

Once I had packed everything I thought I needed and a bit more. I dragged my stuff down the stairs. Dumbledore was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs his eyes twinkling behind his half moon glasses.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked his eyes twinkling behind his half moon glasses even more

"Yes, I've got everything" Dumbledore put his hand on my shoulder, his long fingers clamped around my shoulder gently, kindly, fatherly, he was acting like my father and that was how I saw him.

"Let's go then" I nodded then followed the tall man out of the house and down the street to the Potter's driveway, we got to the house, once we were in the house James showed me to the room I would be staying in.

I dumped my stuff, then I went back down stairs to see Dumbledore still there, "Louise, this is for you," he said holding a leather pouch, I took it then opened it up, it was full of gold, silver and bronze coins, "It's wizarding money"

"I can't take this"

"You can and that is extra money, the Potter's have said they will buy your school supplies"

"I can't…"

"You are taking this, and you will let the Potters take care of you"

"Fine, I can't exactly say no, can I?" Dumbledore nodded then disappeared with a pop.

"So, what do you want to do?" Mrs Potter asked

"When can we go to diagon alley mum?" James asked

"We can go tomorrow if you want, what do you think Louise?"

"That's fine" I smiled as sweetly as I could, (not very sweetly really) nevertheless Mrs Potter smiled back.


	2. the potters

Chapter 2

I slept well at the Potter's house. The bed was comfortable, and the room was a nice temperature, quite cool but not too cold. (I have to say this now for further reference. I hate the summer, it is too hot and I can never get cool, and I hate wearing skirts or shorts, so I do not get on well with the summer weather).

I heard a knock on the bedroom door, "Come in" I said from the bed  
"Hey Louise" James grinned from the doorway as the beautifully carved mahogany door swung open  
"What do you want?"  
"Wake you up and to say breakfast is ready"  
"I don't eat breakfast; I barely eat anything in fact"  
"Oh come on, she's done pancakes and a fried breakfast, just come down and eat something, I was wondering why you were so thin"  
"James, please I just wanna be left alone"  
"Ok, we're going to diagon alley at 10, it's 8 at the moment" I gave him a faint smile, he smiled back and then left, leaving the door open, I groaned, the light from the hallway was casting a rectangle of dazzling artificial light.

The curtains were slightly open so a slither of sun light was streaming into the room falling over the bed. 

Now I realised that the room was quite large. There was an oak wardrobe in the corner of the room near the window. The bed was at the far end of the room in the middle leaning against the maroon wall, the bed had lions carved on each bedpost. 

There was an oak dressing table near a door to the left of me (the window was on the right of me) next to the bed was an oak bedside table with a draw at the top and an open shelf at the bottom. Finely near the door, was an oak dresser, so overall, all the furniture, was made out of oak, and it was a beautiful room. 

I got up and went to the door to the left of the bed to see what it was, I turned the doorknob, to see a bathroom, the shower was silver framed with a wide shower head coming down from the ceiling, the door was glass, frosted where your body would be. The sink was a frosted glass bowl set in a silver frame, there were towels folded neatly on the side of the sink. 

There was another door opposite the door I had just come from. I guessed that was another room, but I did not open the door, not wanting to intrude. I locked both of the bathroom doors and took off my strap top and three quarter length pyjama bottoms turned on the water to warm and then got in the shower, it heated up quickly to what I was used to. 

I spent ten minutes under the shower's spray before I decided to get out. I wrapped a towel around myself, unlocked the bathroom door, opened it and screamed "James get out!" he was sitting on the bed with a cheesy grin plastered on his face looking at me, naked apart from a towel wrapped around my thin body.  
"Why should I get out?"  
"I only have a towel around me!"  
"Ok, ok I'll leave" James crossed the room then left, closing the door behind him.

I took out underwear, a pair of skinny black jeans and a tight fitted pink t-shirt, from my gym bag (I still had not unpacked) and put them on checking every so often if James had opened the door and was staring at me. 

Once I was dressed I put on my black and white converse, and then went down stairs, I knew the kitchen was at the end of the hall, and I could hear voices coming from the kitchen so I made my way to the kitchen.  
"Good morning dear" Mrs Potter said once I had pushed open the door  
"Morning" I said looking at the grey tiles of the kitchen floor  
"James said you didn't want any breakfast"  
"Yeah, I don't eat that much, sorry"  
"Not to worry, but I would advise you to eat something"  
"Honestly, I'm not hungry"  
"Ok, well we will leave in an hour and a half, so you have plenty of time" I did not even look at the table situated in the middle of the kitchen, I did not see Mr Potter almost stand to greet me in a hug before Mrs Potter stopped him. 

I could feel the Potters' stares, knew they were pitying stares, a single tear trailed down my cheek. I turned and left the kitchen, I had every right to leave, but I knew that was being a coward, I could not be a coward, I lasted with my parents hating me, now I had this family taking care of me and caring how I was. 

I went into the living room where James was sitting polishing some kind of broomstick, yes I knew enough about Halloween to know about broomsticks, "Why are you doing that to a broomstick?"  
"I fly, I'm going to try and get on the quiddich team this year"  
"Quiddich?"  
"Oh, it's what we play, it's the best sport ever, it's played with a big red ball two hard balls and a tiny golden ball, the object of the game is for the seeker to catch the golden ball, which ends the game"  
"Ok" I did not understand and I did not want to get any more confused so I just left it at that. 

I sat down on the other sofa to James. "So, did you sleep well?" he asked me, looking up from his broom.  
"Yeah, I did thanks" I smiled weakly at him  
"Are you ok?" James moved to sit next to me, his eyes boring into me with concern  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" James shook his head, then went back to the other sofa and carried on with polishing his broom. 

"James, what is diagon ally?"  
"It's this market kind of thing, no it's not a market, it's a street with lodes of shops, we buy our school stuff there, and you can buy brooms, robes, everything you need, it's in London, it's my favourite place to go during the holiday" I nodded at James, sticking my bottom lip out slightly in thought. 

"Cute" James whispered looking at me  
"What?"  
"You, you look cute like that, with your bottom lip sticking out, it's cute" I just stared at him weirdly. 

An hour later, all of the Potters and me were sitting in the lounge, "Mum, can we just leave now, we aren't doing anything, and I'm bored" James winged  
"Louise, would you like to go now?"  
"I don't mind, we aren't doing anything, we are all ready, we might as well. May I ask, how are we getting there?" I asked as Mrs Potter got up, went over to the fire and took a jar that was red and gold.  
"By flew powder"  
"Flew powder?"  
"Oh, it lets us use fireplaces for transportation"  
"Fire… places?"  
"Yeah" Mrs Potter lit the fire and threw the powder into the fire, the fire turned green in front of my eyes. 

"James. Why don't you go first?"  
"Ok mum" James stepped into the fire and said really clearly "Diagon Alley" and he disappeared  
"Now dear you go now, remember to speak really clearly otherwise you will get lost" I nodded, I took some flew powder threw it into the fire, breathed in deeply and stepped into the fireplace, the fire was quite comforting to my amazement, I shouted as clearly as I could "Diagon Alley". 

I shut my eyes as I felt myself spinning around, then it stopped, I opened my eyes as I felt cold stoned underneath me. 

James was in front of me and helping me up, I looked around to see a pub, but witches, wizards, and other things were there, I could tell they were witches and wizards because they were using their fingers and what I knew were wands to stir drinks and things. 

A troll came up to us and I grabbed hold of James in fear burying my head in his shoulder "Hey Scuzzy, how are you today?"  
"I… am… good, who… this?"  
"This is Louise, she is staying with us at the moment" I heard shuffling feet and looked away from James' shoulder to see the troll had gone. In addition, Mr, and Mrs Potter were behind us. 

"Let's go then" so James and I followed his parents to the other end of the pub, we got into a back alley; there was nothing there apart from dustbins. Mr Potter went to the brick wall that was at the far end of the narrow ally way, he got out his wand and tapped a couple of bricks. 

The wall just disappeared and an arch appeared where the bricks had been. I gasped at the wall; James pushed me through before him then guided me along the bustling street, I saw lodes of shops, James steered me into a quite large shop called 'Olivander's wands'. 

Oak shelves lined every wall, on the shelves were leather boxes, "Master Potter, how are you on this fine summer day?" asked a man with brown hair with a few wisps of greying hair amongst it. 

"I am great Mr Olivander, how are you?"  
"I am doing well; do you already need a new wand?"  
"No, actually, my friend here needs one; she is starting Hogwarts this year"  
"Well let's see here", the man named Olivander took out a tape measure and it started measuring my inner arm and things on its own!  
"Ok, well…" Mr Olivander took down a box made out of navy blue leather, he took the wand, which looked like oak and passed it to me. 

I took it "Just wave it" I did and a fire ball erupted from the end, "No, definitely not" he took the wand away from me then took another wand from the shelf; this box was black. 

I took the wand he handed me and felt sparks erupt inside me, the wand handle was red, but the rest of the wand was black. "Yes, perfect" he murmured "five scales from a horntail dragon's tail, twelve inches, mahogany, very nice wand. It's a shame to let go of it, but I believe, this wand will be used for a good reason" I ignored the last comment. I knew I would never be able to do something for a good reason, everything I do is wrong. 

Mr and Mrs Potter entered the shop, "Have you found her the right wand Mr Olivander?" Mrs Potter asked  
"Yes, a very nice wand it is too" He said as he put the wand away into its box, put it into a bag and handed it to me, Mr Potter put a load of gold coins onto the counter after Mr Olivander had stated the price; Mr Olivander gave Mr Potter a bronze coin back after counting the money. We then left. 

"Ok, Louise just to let you know, you are not allowed to use magic outside of school" I nodded in understanding. We entered a shop called 'Madam Malcins robes for all occasions'.  
"Good morning dears, what can I get you?"  
"Two Hogwarts robes, one plain, the other Gryffindor"  
"For these two?" the woman pointed at James and I, Mr and Mrs Potter nodded "Which one is which?"  
"Our son needs the Gryffindor robes, then Louise needs the plain Hogwarts robes" an assistant came into the part of the shop where we were and gestured for James to step onto a podium then the woman that had asked the questions gestured for me to step onto another podium. 

Once we had gone into all the other shops we needed to, we went into a pet store, and the Potter's had told me I need to choose an owl, so I could contact people from Hogwarts. 

I chose a beautiful black hawk that had taken a liking to me as soon as I had entered the store, the hawk had a few white spots on him and I thought he was beautiful and unique. His name was Bendal, and I loved the name.


	3. a certain black haired boy

Chapter 3

I glided through the magical barrier with my eyes clamped shut. I was scared that I would get stuck. I got through with my trunk without getting stuck. When I opened my eyes, I saw a red steam engine that was puffing smoke out of its funnel. 

James put his hand on my shoulder and steered me to a group of three boys "This is, Peter, Remus and Sirius," he said pointing at each of the boys in turn. My eyes immediately stopped at Sirius, he was gorgeous, he had shoulder length black hair, piercing grey eyes, tanned olive skin, broad shoulders and he was quite tall *Out of your league, just remember that* my brain told me. 

I looked down, knowing Sirius' grey eyes were on me, I could feel the burn on the top of my head. "This is Louise; she'll be hanging out with us"  
"No, I won't"  
"Why not?"  
"Because, I just can't James, I'm sorry" I turned with my trunk and Bendal, then I ran away from the four boys, I went to Mr and Mrs Potter, my tears were trying to spill over my eye lids but I fought them back, I said thank you and good bye to the Potters then ran onto the train. 

I found an empty compartment, put my trunk into the luggage rack after some trouble, I sat down at the far end looking out of the window, all the other kids hugging their family and saying goodbye, I could no longer see the boys I had fled before. It made me sad to see all these happy kids with a family that cared, a family that did not think their children were freaks. 

A whistle blew to indicate we were setting off; I sat in silence for a good thirty minutes before I heard the compartment door slide open. "Why did you leave?" I heard a male voice, he sounded cute; I looked around to see Sirius. 

I did not answer; I just looked back out the window "Louise, what's wrong?"  
"I'm nothing and I'm a loner it's what I should be and I don't deserve friends"  
"You can't be that bad" he said laughing slightly, I felt him sit next to me, I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I let out a breath and relaxed, but soon tensed again.  
"You can't be scared" I felt his hot breath tickle my ear  
"I can, you don't understand, you don't know what my life is like, you don't know what I am capable of, I hurt people, I don't want to risk that"  
"You can't hurt me any more than my family have, seriously," I giggled slightly with the pun. I leaned back into him, my boundaries that I kept up fell ever so slightly as I breathed in his scent, it was soothing, and he made me feel safe. 

Then I realised what I was thinking and shot up "Don't, please"  
"Don't do what?"  
"I… can't… I can't be friends with someone like you"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You care for people, don't you? when you become friends with people, you care for them and you love them, if you care for me you will only get hurt, if I come to care for you, you will get hurt even more, I can't risk that"  
"How could you tell that?"  
"When people have families that hurt them they turn to their friends for guidance and love, I know, that's what I've done" Sirius turned my head by gripping my chin gently, he turned me to look at him.  
"You are a clever girl, are you going into second year?"  
"I think so" he smiled and gave me a hug,  
"Come into our compartment, it's not like you will do anything" I smiled slightly  
"Could you help me with my trunk please?" I asked slightly embarrassed  
"No problem" he lifted my trunk back off the luggage rack then carried it to the compartment the boys were in I carried Bendal. 

We reached the compartment; I was enveloped into a hug from James, "I was worried about you, why did you run off?"  
"It doesn't matter, Sirius might explain later" I settled down next to Sirius but I was by the door so if I wanted to run I could. I made myself as small as I could into the corner.  
"So, Louise, what things do you like to do, hobby wise?"  
"I like to listen to my music, that's really about it; I jog sometimes, but really early, like three o clock if I can't sleep." All the boys looked at me as if I was mental, it was just something I did as soon as I got my door key, if I woke up or I just could not sleep I would go for a jog. 

I soon fell asleep to the boys laughing and joking, it was peaceful hearing laughing; it was not something I was used to apart from when I was at school. I woke up to the laughing of the boys, I realised my head was on a soft pillow, but when I looked up I saw Sirius looking down at me, I yelped and sat bolt upright realising I had slept on Sirius' lap. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on your lap" I moved even further away from him so I made myself crushed into the wall, "No, it was quite comfy, I did not really notice you were there, honestly" he tried to put his arm around me but I flinched away even more into the wall. 

The other boys had gone back to talking and reading. However, Sirius kept looking at me, concern written all over his face. I tried to tell him with my eyes to stop worrying about me, I think he got the message but he still looked at me with concern. He had secrets, I could see them in his eyes, his pain was also clear, what made those gorgeous grey eyes seem so hurt, it looked like he had seen things that no twelve year old should witness. 

"We should get into our school robes" the boy I think was Remus said, the boys all got there robes out and so did I, I went out of the compartment to get changed in the ladies' toilets. 

Once I was changed I made my way back to the compartment the boys were in, they were already changed except I realised Sirius had his shirt undone and was not bothering to do it up, "Sirius, you are going to put that on properly before you get off the train right?"  
"Why should I? I can't do my tie up and it never looks right on me" I rolled my eyes at him "Come here" I said to him. He obeyed, I did up his shirt to the second from top button, then did his red and gold tie up, but left it slightly loose, then finely I shoved his grey jumper into his lap. 

"Well she sure as hell knows how to treat our Sirius here, maybe we should get her to come into the boy's dorms and wake him up in the mornings," I laughed slightly, but it was a short burst. 

I was scared of Sirius, it felt like I could let him know what I was like, but of course, I would not allow myself to do that, to do that was like admitting I was weird and alone no matter what.

The train slowed to a stop and Sirius grabbed my hand to pull me up after he had gotten out of his own seat next to me. He kept hold of my hand while the five of us weaved between students. 

We got off the train, Sirius never let go of my hand all the while. He led me into a horseless carriage, he sat me down on his lap, he whispered in my ear "If you don't sit down on me there'll be no room, this is only a four seater" I nodded and made the mistake of breathing in threw my nose. I smelt the sweat smell of Sirius, he smelt of chocolate, some kind of alcohol and something I could not tell, but whatever it was it smelt divine. 

I leant back into his chest, his smell was over powering, my mind was telling me to run from this gorgeous boy, but my heart was telling me to just stay here and fall into a dreamy trance thinking of Sirius and nothing more. 

I made a noise at the back of my throat, not realising until I snapped out of the daze seeing the four boys looking at me weirdly "What?" I asked at them  
Sirius whispered in my ear "You were moaning slightly"  
"Oh, erm, sorry" I felt a blush creep into my cheeks, knowing why I had been moaning.  
"Don't worry". 

I was pleased to get out of the carriage, and got into the entrance hall to see the headmaster standing there waiting for me. He saw me and he smiled at me beckoning me to follow him. 

I followed him up a couple of flights of stairs thinking; I am definantly going to get lost in this place. We reached two stone gargoyles, Dumbledore said "Sugar quills" and the stone gargoyles jumped aside, I jumped back in fright. 

Dumbledore put his hand on my shoulder and guided me up the spiralling staircase until we got to a large oak door that he pushed open, beyond the door was a circular room with silver instruments on three legged stools and things. 

"Ok, Louise, we need to do the first thing quite quickly" he got down a patched wizarding hat. He waved his wand and a squashy armchair appeared, "Ok if you sit down we can sort you into your house" I sat down slightly worried. He placed the hat on my head "Hmm" it said I jumped a hat was talking to me "A muggle born I see, if you were not a muggle born I would have put you in Slitherin, but no, you do not have the heart for Slitherin, you are brave. Yes too brave for Slitherin, too smart for Hufflepuff, but too brave for Ravenclaw, too loyal to friends, well there is only one other house then GRYFFINDOR" it yelled the last word out. 

Dumbledore was smiling; "you shall be joining Mr Potter, Mr Black, Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew then".  
"Another thing I need to tell you is as you missed your first year, you will need to have extra tutoring, which I shall do, you will come up here every Monday night at seven o clock and I shall teach you what you need to know" I nodded and whispered a quick thank you.  
"We should get going to the great hall; the first years should be coming soon" I nodded then followed the headmaster to where I had first met him in the school; we went through a pair of huge heavy oak doors where four tables awaited on the other side. 

"Go and sit with Mr Potter and his friends, you are in the same house. These are the house tables" I felt the whole schools' eyes on me; it was quite unnerving. I spotted James and his friends quite quickly and hurried to sit by them, I hurried only to get away from the stares it was not because I wanted to see them. 

The black haired boy (the cute one) stood up to greet me giving me a big hug "Yes Sirius, you can get off me now", I sat in between Sirius and the thin sickly looking boy called Remus. 

The doors opened and a long line of scared looking 11 year olds filed into the hall they were lead by a stricked looking woman, she was carrying the hat that I had put on my head only five minutes previous. 

I sat through the kids getting sorted into the different houses, when one would be sorted into Gryffindor I would clap politely, I kept feeling Sirius' hand in my lower back, I tried to ignore it but it made me relax. 

What is wrong with me how can this guy have such an effect on me 'you like him' 'no you do not like him he's just cute, out of your league' 'I know'. While I was being insane and talking to myself, I had leant into Sirius. He had his arms around me and I was feeling comfortable. *sit back up, you are not going to allow this boy to win you over* I did not pull away though, I stayed there, feeling safe, and another emotion, I could not place it though.


	4. can't sleep

I went up to my dorm, leaving the boys down in the common room, we had a feast, well the rest of the school did; I ate a slice of beef and some carrots. The common room was nice, but there were too many students there, so I went up to my dorm.

I do not know how long I had been in bed but all I know is four other students had got into bed and seemed asleep, I kicked off the covers in frustration, I could not get to sleep, I had tried everything, yes I had even counted sheep. 

I slipped out of bed silently my bare feet making no noise on the wooden floor. I padded to the door, and I got out of the dorm un-noticed so I went down the cold stone steps to the common room. The fire that had been roaring earlier was now almost embers, I sat down on the sofa in front of the fire, or tried to but a certain Sirius Black had spread himself over the piece of red furniture. 

I rolled my eyes and was about to move onto the squashy armchair when the black haired boy opened his eyes and smiled up at me. He sat up then pulled me to sit right next to him, I moved over so I was not quite as close to Sirius. 

"Aww come on" he wined; he swivelled his hips and propped his legs onto mine. I tutted then pushed his legs off my own. He slid off the sofa and kneeled down in front of me; he placed his hands in my knees and gave me major puppy dog eyes. 

Now, I am a sucker for a couple of things, one of which were puppy dog eyes, another was long black hair, and another was eyeliner on guys, all of which Sirius had and was doing. 

"Sirius your mean" I grumbled at him  
"And why my lovely Louise am I mean?"  
"I'm a sucker for some things," I said trying to push him backwards  
"And what might that be?" he raised his eyebrow, still puppy dog eyeing me  
"You'll find out in due time" I stood up to go back to my dormitory but Sirius grabbed me around the waist.  
"Come and sleep in my dorm, it's always lonely in there"  
"You are perverted"  
"No, I just get cold and lonely, that's why I come down here, and am I mistaken that you couldn't sleep?" he looked at my strap top and hot pants, both of which not really covering up a lot. 

I folded my arms over my chest trying to cover myself up a bit more. He was smiling at me mischief glinting in his eyes, "I don't like that look on you, it means you're gonna do something mean"  
"Oh really?" he started to tickle me in the ribs, I am extremely ticklish I screamed and jumped backwards smashing into Sirius and making him fall back onto the sofa, he was still tickling me, I was sitting on his lap squirming while he held me down. 

"Ok… Sirius… you… can… stop," I said breathlessly leaning against Sirius trying to catch my breath. Sirius started to play with the strap of my top, I did not really mind him doing it, I quite liked it really; it was comforting feeling his fingers brush my shoulder every so often.  
"Come and sleep in the boys' dorm"  
"I shouldn't"  
"No one will notice, if u go and get your school clothes, it won't be suspicious tomorrow morning"  
"Why don't we just sleep down here?"  
"Dorm is warmer" I looked at Sirius weirdly, it was the summer, it was warm enough in the common room, I did not need to be any warmer  
"It's warm enough here Sirius"  
"Ok". 

Sirius laid back down laying me down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me as I snuggled down leaning back into his chest; I felt a warm blanket around me as Sirius wrapped it around himself and me. My eyelids suddenly got heavy and within ten minutes, I was asleep. 

I felt myself being shaken gently; I awoke to see Sirius' grey eyes in front of me, his hair falling into his eyes and with the closeness, tickling my nose slightly. I exhaled slowly waking myself up. Sirius was saying something like we had to get to our own dorms. I grumbled at him, but he picked me up and set me on my feet. 

I stumbled slightly but he held me until I got my balance back. He steered me to the girl's dorm stairs, whispered in my ear "go and get dressed. I'll meet you down here in half an hour" I nodded then went up the stone steps to the girls' dorms. 

Exactly half an hour later I padded down the stone stepped holding my shoes in my hand, I was wearing a red and gold tie, a grey jumper, grey skirt *grumble grumble* and grey socks pulled up to my knees, and black robes. 

When I got down to the common room, Sirius was standing in my way, a huge grin plastered on his face. "I am a bit worried Sirius"  
"Why?"  
"You have a stupid grin on your face" if it was possible Sirius' grin got even wider; he grabbed my hand and led me out of the common room I followed him (well I had no choice really). 

He led me down five flights of stairs until he stopped in front of a painting of a bowl of fruit, Sirius did something that worried me a lot, he tickled the painting where the pear was, to my shock the pear wriggled then the portrait, like the one guarding the entrance of the Gryffindor common room swung open. 

Sirius led me inside, inside was a kitchen, with, little, where they elves? Oh, my god they were, one of them came up to Sirius, stooped into a low bow, so low that the elf's long nose almost touched the floor. "Mr Sirius Black sir, what would you like Tinky to get you and your miss sir?" the elf had a high-pitched voice, quite annoying really "Louise, what do you want for breakfast?"  
"Nothing thanks, I don't eat breakfast"  
"You have to eat something"  
"Why? I've never eaten a lot as I am not hungry"  
"You're too thin" Sirius was now looking down at me, he put his arm around my waist then clasped his hand around my wrist, his hand wrapped around it easily. 

"Sirius, I'm not too thin, you just have big hands"  
"No, Louise, you should put on a bit of weight"  
"But I don't want to put on weight; I'm fine how I am"  
"Louise I mean it, you are too thin, I can feel every one of your ribs" I looked away from Sirius, I knew I did not eat enough, but that was just how I was, I did not want to change *oh crap I can feel them, tears* I turned my body away from Sirius'. 

He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around, I could not hide the tears and collapsed into his arms sobbing, he rubbed my back comfortingly. I balled my hands fisting his grey jumper. I was shaking against him; I knew I was; I could feel it. 

"It's ok, Louise, it's ok, hush" Sirius whispered things like this in my ear until I stopped sobbing, "I'm sorry, Sirius, you shouldn't have seen that"  
"It's ok, I don't mind, my shoulder is always here to cry on" I gave him a feeble smile, stepping away from his arms, although he would not let me go, "Sirius, you can let go of me now"  
"You feel so perfect against me though" he let go of me, pouting. I hit him playfully in the chest.


	5. at peace

Sirius had made me eat an omelette and I then felt sick; I had not eaten breakfast in years. 

Sirius and I sat in the school kitchens while the rest of the school woke up and started to get up. Sirius was leaning back in his chair after having 2 omelettes and a piece of toast. I was amazed how he was so toned and thin for what he ate, and the amount he ate. 

"I can't believe how little you eat Louise"  
"I can't believe how much you eat!" we both laughed, I found Sirius was easy to laugh with, easy to enjoy some time with. 

Before I knew it we had to go and get our timetables so we knew what we had. We went to the great hall where students were talking, the second years were being called to collect their timetables "Black, Sirius" they heard as soon as they had entered. Sirius hurried to get his timetable and then groaned after reading it. He came over to me not saying anything apart from "Fucking Slitherin, always fucking Slitherin" I did not have time to question him before I was called to collect my own timetable 

Potions, Slitherin Gryffindor  
Transfiguration Ravenclaw Gryffindor  
Double charms Slitherin Gryffindor 

I did not have to read on to know what Sirius was on about. We had nearly all our classes with Slitherin on Mondays. 'Yippee' was all I could think of. 

"Ok Sirius, I know what you mean" Sirius let out a bark like laugh which made me giggle, wait, hold on, I actually let myself giggle, woops. 

Sirius smiled at me, he put his arm around me and steered me to the first lesson (potions). We lined up outside the classroom to wait for the teacher; he came out of the classroom. He had a handlebar moustache and apparently was called professor Slugcorn, hmm weird name. I got into the classroom and sat next to Sirius. 

Everybody was silent and I was about to whisper to Sirius to ask the professor's name when he said "Miss Felm, am I right? Please do not talk" I did not say anything else after that until he started talking about what we were going to be doing this year. 

"Sirius, what is...?"  
"Miss Felm I am sure I just told you do not talk" he barked at me "Ten points from Gryffindor" he turned away from me and I stuck my tongue out at him. 

"Sir, she just stuck her tongue out at you" a Slitherin boy called out  
"Snivelly keep your long nose out of Louise's business" Sirius called to the boy, Sirius whispered in my ear which made me giggle, what was wrong with me? 

"Miss Felm, did you poke your tongue out at me?"  
"No sir" I said innocently  
"Severus, please do not tell tales" Sirius laughed at the Slitherin boy then went red with anger and embarrassment. I silently laughed. I wrote the note to Sirius that I had tried to ask him. He wrote back 'Professor Slughorn' it was still a weird name. 

The lesson ended with no more trouble or yelling on my behalf, Sirius had got a detention for passing notes to me, but he said that it was not my fault and it did not matter when I tried to apologise several times.

Sirius was different to most boys I had met, he had secrets, I could see that, he was very lively, (ok that is an understatement) he did not care what people thought of him although not many people could say something bad about him, he could be really mature. He just had this air about him that made him seem important, but was trying to hide it. 

I never voiced the question in my head, he seemed to want to keep what ever happened at home a secret, and he seemed to want to keep his real identity a secret, well, a secret from me anyway. Also I could not really say he was being secretive as a bad thing, I had told him nothing about myself. 

I skipped dinner that night I just went straight up to the common room. It was empty; no noise of students. I sat in one of the squishy armchairs staring into the crackling fire. My peace was short lived however as I felt two hands on my shoulders and then the hands moving down my arms, I then felt a head on my own. 

I moved my head to see who it was, surprise, surprise it was Sirius "Are you following me?"  
"No, we just happen to be in the common room alone when everyone else is eating dinner" in other words he had been following me. 

He jumped over the top of the sofa (over the top of me as well) landing a millimetre from my knees. "You almost landed on me"  
"That was actually the plan but you moved" he climbed onto my lap  
"Sirius, get off"  
"Please" he turned around and gave me puppy dog eyes; I closed my eyes and would not look at his cute eyes. 

"I know you're a sucker for my eyes"  
"Bastard"  
"But I'm sexy"  
"Hmmmmmm, that's a hard one" I opened my eyes, he had stopped doing the puppy dog eyes and had a mixture of fake confusion and playful hurt  
"How dare you" he said with fake hurt. I playfully hit him in the chest smiling. 

I was happier here than I had ever been in my whole life; the people seemed friendlier, I had a friend that was a boy that I had a feeling I was attracted to, I just felt all round happier, it was no going home at night to be shouted at, no going home to nothing but myself as company. There was lodes of places here I could escape to. There was the owlary, there were the kitchens, there was the common room, there was my dorm, and there were many broom cupboards around. I rested my head against Sirius' chest as he had got off my lap and was sitting beside me. He stroked my hair offhandedly, it was peaceful, I played with Sirius' fingers which were dancing on his thigh. I had never felt more at peace.


	6. A little talk and a surprise

Chapter 6 (LF)

I awoke to noise, my head on a solid frame, I was confused. "Hey Louise" I sat bolt upright

"What?" I squinted not quite sure where I was

"My dear Louise, you fell asleep on my chest, so I just left you there, you have only been asleep for about an hour; so the rest of the house is in the common room now" I groaned putting my feet in between Sirius' thighs cuddling up to him more "Don't like you" I muttered into his chest

"Then why are u curled up to me?"

"You're comfy" Sirius and his friends laughed at my response "What you put on today you smell gorgeous" Sirius laughed harder however the rest of the boys had not heard what I had said.

"Is that why you were moaning in the carriage?"

"Uh huh" I looked away from his chest looking at James, Remus and Peter I waved childishly at them. James picked me up and placed me on his lap, I poked him saying in a weird voice "poke". He just laughed hugging me around the waist. I giggled very quietly.

James started tickling me, I squirmed in his lap "James, stop, please, James!" he did not stop he just kept going as I tried to squirm away from him. As I struggled to get away Sirius started tickling me in front of James, then Remus joined in! The only place I could go without getting tickled was to fall backwards which I did but Sirius caught me before I hit the floor, pinning me down by putting his legs either side of my hips tickling me more. I could not breathe with all the tickling; I was laughing so hard "UR... MEAN" I managed to pant out.

"I know, but you love me really" he didn't stop tickling me as I tried to hold his hands away

"JAMES!" I screamed wanting him to get Sirius off me

"Don't cry to me for help, Sirius is having fun, I'm not the one to stop his fun" James said through laughter.

After what felt like years (it was only about 5 minutes) Remus decided to pull Sirius off me. I just rolled onto my side clutching at them in pain as I had got a few stitches from laughing so much. Sirius picked me up then placed me on his lap ones he had sat down.

Now I'm not going to bore you anymore in school life. You will get very bored I know.

Sirius birthday was a couple of days before mine (Sirius' being the 6th of December and mine 8th); James had managed to get me to tell him when my birthday was by getting me on the floor tickling me (they had found out that they could get any information out of me by tickling me). The day in between my birthday and Sirius' Remus took Sirius and me to a door that I'd never seen before. Remus told us to stay in the room which had a sofa, a table, and lodes of cushions that almost covered the floor.

I flopped down onto the sofa kicking off my shoes getting comfy "I wander what their up to; they just kicked us out the common room" Sirius flopped down on the sofa beside me

"I prefer here than the common room"

"Yeah, it's lonely, quiet, and good for some, 'quality' time with each other"

"Don't even think about it Mr. Black" he stuck out his bottom lip.

"Sirius?" Sirius dropped the look with the change in my voice; it had gone to slight fear "What's up Louise?"

"You've never told me about your family or anything, and why every time I look into your eyes, I see hurt and fear" Sirius looked away from me, I'd obviously hit a subject that he did not like talking about. I stroked his cheek hesitantly unsure as to whether I should be making that movement, but it seemed to open him up "My family are cruel, dark wizards, they would call you a... mudblood, because you are muggle born, it means... dirty blood, because your parents aren't witches and wizards, they want to 'purify all wizards' make it so the only wizards are of pure quality, I hate how they are, they tortured me for not believing, for breaking away from all of it" I hugged him, a tear had rolled down his cheek, I wiped the tear away

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked"

"No, no, it's ok" he hugged me back trying to say it wasn't my fault. I pulled away from him wishing that there was a game of exploding snap in the room (Sirius and James had told me about it) and the game appeared on the table I looked at it surprised "This is the room of requirements, anything you desire with be in this room, I guess you want a game" I nodded smiling.

We started and we got through about 5 games (each one Sirius had let me win) when Remus came into the room "Common you two". We got up slowly after being sat down for so long and followed Remus back to the Gryffindor common room. As we entered it was pitch black, then all the lights went up and music started blaring "What the..." both I and Sirius said in unison

"Birthday party"

"I've never had a birthday party" I muttered under my breath shocked that somebody would do this for me James slung his arms around mine and Sirius' neck I kissed him on the cheek in thanks and he blushed Sirius laughed noticing his friends embarrassment.

I had never attended a birthday party except for one which I'd snuck out for as it was my best friend and did not want to let her down, my parents didn't care but did not want me going to parties let alone having one of my own. It was cool with music dancing and food. I did not touch the punch not trusting that it had no alcohol in it. I stayed in the boys' dormitory for the night after the boys practically carried me there.

Christmas came and I stayed at school. Well I wanted to stay at school, until a couple of days before the students going home were meant to leave, James came up to me when I was trying to play wizarding chess (never got hang of the game, it was Sirius trying to teach me) "Hey, Louise, do you want to come home with me at Christmas? Everyone else is coming apart from Peter who wants to go to his family"

"I don't know"

"Common Louise it'll be fun" Sirius chipped in

"I don't really think..."

"Please, please, please, please" Sirius was now sitting next to me giving me his damn puppy eyes

"Ok, ok I'll go!" I put my hands up in mock surrender. Both Sirius and James gave me a big bear hug at the same time. I rolled my eyes.

I packed and the next few days flew by, and before I knew it, it was time to go to the horseless carriages. I ended up getting in the carriage last (typical) and there was lodes of room, but Sirius just decided to plonk me on his lap "Sirius, there's room for me to sit down"

"So?"

"So, I could sit down on my own" Sirius held onto me around my waist I just gave up and leaned into his chest.

The carriage came to a stop and we filled off getting onto the train, Peter muttered something about bathroom and scampered off, there was something weird about that boy. The four of us got a compartment that was empty and sat down; I managed to get my own chair that did not have Sirius on it. He did sit down next to me though, I did not mind, I did like having Sirius almost permanently having some kind of contact between us.

I got bored within ten minutes of the journey and leaned against Sirius to go to sleep, I liked sleeping on Sirius, he was a nice pillow, and he made me feel safe, I never had a nightmare when I fell asleep with him as my human pillow.

When we arrived at the platform I saw James' parents waiting for us. I smiled and hugged Joanna Potter and her husband "You've gained a bit of weight Louise that's really good!" Joanna exclaimed

"Blame Sirius" I replied in an undertone, Sirius blushed hard

"Well done Sirius, she now looks healthy" Mrs. Potter gave Sirius a hug and a kiss on the cheek which he looked proud to get (I guessed it was because he had no affection at his own house from his parents), James got the same and blushed pushing his mum off I laughed slightly. Sirius slung his arm around my shoulders steering me with the rest of the Potters' and Remus out of the platform to the fire where we were to floo to get to the Potters' house.


	7. a confusing gift with no name

Chapter 7 (LF)

I had the same room as I did before. Sirius was in the room next to me, Remus was across the hall next to James' room. I slept well that night feeling at home again, I felt more at home at James' than my own house that I had lived in for twelve years. All of the rooms in this house had something to do with Gryffindor in them.

I awoke the next morning early (the sun hadn't even risen) I tried to get back to sleep but could not so I snuck into Sirius' room, it was the same lay out as the room I was staying in apart from the bed was turned around and it was a slightly darker room having a smaller window. I slid into Sirius' bed waking him up accidently "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"

"Don't worry about it" he murmured groggily "What's up?"

"I just couldn't get back to sleep; you don't mind me here do you?"

"Of course I don't" I fell asleep quite quickly.

I awoke in the arms of somebody; this confused me until I remembered that I had snuck into Sirius' room earlier. I snuggled into him more, he looked so angelic asleep; it was cute.

I got out of the bed trying not the wake Sirius; I succeeded and went to the bathroom to have a shower. I got dressed and just started doing up my shirt when Sirius came into my room, I squealed turning my back on him as I finished doing the shirt up "Sorry, I didn't realise you were getting dressed" he smiled, not sounding sorry one bit. "Argh" Sirius laughed "Anyway, what do you want?"

"I wanted to use your bathroom" I pointed at the bathroom so he disappeared inside.

I was just doing my hair as Sirius came out of the bathroom wearing nothing not even a towel, I looked over to him then turned around almost immediately closing my eyes "SIRIUS PUT SOME CLOTHES ON NOW!" Sirius howled with laughter going back into the bathroom and coming out with a towel on. "Better?"

"Much" Sirius left my room to get dressed as I put on my socks and converse.

I went down stairs to find Mr. And Mrs. Potter down in the kitchen all ready "Good morning dear"

"Morning, Sirius should be down in a minute, by the way"

"Ok dear".

A couple of minutes later Sirius appeared his jeans undone no top to be seen and bear footed "You're so embarrassing!" I said to him, turning away blushing

"You love me really" he said coming up to me hugging me from the side, I rolled my eyes attempting not to laugh or relax, what? he's hot I could not help liking him, he was just amazing in every single way possible, god I wish I did not like him, well I did and that is the problems to all, in my life the only problem I had was when I fell in love, I feared love, feared how so much power could be brought by that one emotion.

I sat down at the table tearing myself away from Sirius. I helped myself to the porridge that was on table waiting to be eaten, I did not take that much though, I still had not worked up a huge appetite. Sirius tried to pour sugar on my porridge but I stopped him with a whack on the hand which poured sugar all down his trousers. The Potters' did not realise as Sirius jumped up trying to shake the sugar out of his trousers. I tried not to laugh. He had already finished his breakfast so left the kitchen making a gesture towards me which said he was not happy, I just laughed as I got to the last bit of porridge. I hugged Mr. And Mrs. Potter saying thank you then left the kitchen, I found Sirius with James and Remus in James' room. I had not been in James' room before; it was quite large, with Gryffindor lions on the post of his bed. He had Quitich players all over his walls. His broom stick was leaning against the wall in a case and I realised it was not the one he usually rode at school. "James, who's this Quitich player?" I said pointing at one poster in particular, James and Sirius started to laugh, I looked at them weirdly "That is Rownal Quiply, he's a _quiddich_ player" I realised why they were laughing and turned red with embarrassment. But the guy on the poster was hot; he was waving and going from a smile to poking his tongue out. "You like him don't you?" Sirius asked me smiling

"Well, he is hot" Sirius smiled, but looked at the poster in, jealousy, no it could not have been that it may have just been he is a good quiddich player. Yeah, that was it; he was a good quiddich player so Sirius wanted to be like him.

I hugged Sirius thinking it was a bit my fault that he seemed in a mood, he hugged me back, he was a bit hesitant though and I felt really bad, he was obviously hurt and I did not quite understand why, I had only said that a guy in a poster was hot.

I sat down on James' bed trying not to make direct eye contact with Sirius; I did not know why he was so miffed off that I had said a guy was hot. It was just confusing me. Sirius did not like me; yeah it was common knowledge that I was friends with the boys, but none of them liked me more than a friend, why would they?

I pushed the thought out of my head, they were boys that were all cute and all were amazing, something I did not have, those qualities, I was not cute, or amazing or, well, anything, I was not anything. That was something I had known for years, but... I don't know.

Christmas came; I was jumped on by Sirius and James in the morning and then all three of us went to jump on Remus, we were so mean, we went down stairs in our pyjamas. I was not expecting anything so just went and sat down on the sofa to watch the boys open theirs'. "Louise! Here's one for you!" I sat up looking at James uncertainly "What, do you mean?"

"You have presents"

"You're kidding right?"

"Louise, I'm serious, here" James passed me a present, it was quite large, but squidgy, I opened it uncertainly. It was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I realised they were, number 1, guys clothes, and number 2, about three sizes too big for me, I laughed getting the jist that it was instead of nicking the boys clothes (which I had taken to doing quite a bit during school). "Thanks" I said smiling.

The boys opened some of their presents including a prank kit from me; James took offence from it and said "Are you saying we are bad at pranking?" the boys just laughed and so did I. After a while Remus handed another present to me.

I read the label it had a weird message on it 'Louise, you will never understand, I know you won't, you have skeletons, maybe one day you could show you like me how I like you by not hiding away like you always do. I shall not tell you who I am; you need to find that out for yourself' I stared at the note again. I opened it carefully; it was a beautiful black leather box embroided with red zig zags. I opened the box to find the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen, it had a ruby surrounded by black onyx stones, with a silver chain, and the pendent was silver, small though, it wasn't a huge thing, it was about the size of my middle finger nail (about 1 centimetre wide and 1.5 centimetres long) it was beautiful and wondered who had got me the gift, I put it on tucking it underneath my t-shirt, smiling.

I had a few more presents which were sweets and things like that from the boys and the Potters.

The necklace still puzzled me as I sat in my room inspecting it, it was silver yes, it had a word engraved on the back, it was in a language I did not understand 'diligo' it sounded Latin, but, I had never learnt Latin.

Diligo... what did that mean and why was it written on a necklace?


	8. the train, the gift, and sirius

Chapter eight (LF)

We got to the station to board the Hogwarts express after a lot of parties at James'. I had enjoyed myself a lot, however, the necklace still puzzled me, and anyone I asked said that they did not understand it.

On the train I just sat there staring at the back of the necklace and re reading the note that I had kept, "Louise, quit staring at that necklace; you will not find the answer staring at it" Sirius called from the game of exploding snap he was playing with Remus and James. I tucked the necklace back under my t shirt.

I stared at the boys as I folded my legs into my chest hugging my knees, I stared out the window every so often hearing the bang of the exploding snap, but my ears trailed off to the rain outside hammering against the window, I liked rain, it was peaceful, even a storm like this in some respects was peaceful, the wind whistling loudly, trees every so often hitting the train roof above me. I watched the rain trailing fast down the window making patterns, joining together; new rain hitting the window joining older rain, a bolt of lightning flashed and hit the ground in the distance.

I was so engrossed in the rain I did not realise that a branch was heading straight for the window, until it smashed straight into it and almost hit me, or it would have if Sirius had not dived at me flattening me to the floor.

I stared at the floor below me shaking. Unable to comprehend what had just happened. Sirius got up off me flinging the branch out of the window, Remus repaired the window and then Sirius picked me up "Louise, are you ok?" he asked setting me down on the seat, I was still shaking as he held me steady so I would not fall over. A tear slid down my cheek as the fear got the better of me. Sirius hugged me rubbing my back in soothing circles as I cried into his shoulder, holding the front of his shirt.

I calmed down after a while, but by that time, we were only five minutes from the school. I was still quite shaken and Sirius just kept holding onto me, probably scared I would collapse or something.

Before long, Easter came, we stayed at Hogwarts; the Potters' did not need us again, so we coursed trouble at school instead. I enjoyed myself; I had become a lot happier through this year.

One night during the holiday I was sitting in bed eating a chocolate egg (yes I was eating something other than fruit and water) and staring at the necklace and the note (I kept the note in the box the necklace and come in).

I had found nothing on what the necklace said. I also still did not know who had given it to me. Remus passed it to me but I did not think it was from him, he did not seem to know Latin anyway; he might do though...

Then there was James, he might have gave it to me, he might know Latin, but he obsessed over this red head called Lily, I had asked him what it said and he said he did not know...

Sirius was most unlikely, he was way too good and had every girl in the school after him, that is a no, and I had asked him if he knew what it said and he said no he had never learnt Latin, only French.

"LOUISE!" I rolled my eyes getting up off the bed; obviously James could not amuse himself as he permanently needed me. I went down the girls steps and jumped the last three where James caught me "Oi, I can land myself thank you very much" James laughed as he set me down on the ground.

"Are you bored?"

"Yeah, so is Sirius" James pointed at a figure who was staring into the fire, I went up to him and jumped onto him, I was a bit hyper, so I kind of jumped up and down in his lap, but then I realised he did not look happy so I stopped "What's the matter Siri?"

"Nothing" he said a little too fast

"There is something up, do you want to go somewhere to talk?" I whispered to him so James would not hear

"It's ok Louise, you don't need to worry, I'll be ok" I dropped it knowing Sirius would not talk to me, I just hugged him and he hugged me back, Sirius had been upset a lot recently, every time I asked if he was ok he would say it did not matter, I saw James and Sirius talking and then they would see me and fall silent, was it me that was hurting Sirius?

I curled up on Sirius' lap trying to think what I had done, James had gone to bed, and Sirius had fallen asleep with his head turned away from me, I got up from his lap gently and left for my room, I was hurting Sirius, and I did not know how.

After Easter I did my best to avoid Sirius, if I was hurting him, the way to stop was to not be near him, in classes is was hard as every class I had was with Sirius, so I just kept my head down and ignored him. James kept trying to ask me why I would not talk to Sirius or even look at him but I just said it was what I had to do.

After a while Sirius came up to me during dinner and told me to get up and follow him, I did not answer or even look at him so he dragged me to my feet and pulled me out of the great hall to a lot of disapproving glares, I tried to pull away from him but his grip was too tight on my wrist "Get off me!" I shouted angrily,

"No, not until you listen to me!" he said just as angry as me, we were still in the great hall and everybody was exchanging looks.

He pulled me out into the grounds where he pushed me onto the grass pinning me down with his knees either side of my hips "Why are you ignoring me?" he asked, venom spitting out with every word, I said nothing "Louise answer me!"

"Why?"

"I thought you liked me!"

"I do"

"Then why are you making sure that you never look at me, never talk to me!" I did not answer him "Please Louise, just tell me" his voice had gotten softer, his eyes had become moist, almost like he was about to cry

"I'm hurting you, when I'm with you, I hurt you"

"Where did you get that from?"

"You were always upset, you wouldn't look at me, you and James would be talking then see me and you would stop, I just thought it was because of me, so I thought... if I took the problem away, maybe..."

"Oh Louise, you haven't hurt me until now when I thought you hated me, oh Louise" he hugged me; he lay on top of me and hugged me.

So what was wrong with Sirius if it was not me?


	9. exams, and a worrying summer begining

Chapter nine (LF)

I still did not know what was hurting Sirius and the school year was drawing to a close, the end of year exams were starting and I was stressing over them. Dumbledore and Remus may have helped me a lot this year, but I was still worried I would fail. When Remus, Sirius and James were not studying, they were helping me with things. It was potions that were my biggest problem, just trying to remember all the combinations for different potions. I was ok with transfiguration, and charms. I had cracked charms right at the beginning of the year.

The exams were two days away; every day I was going over and over what potions were which. Every spare moment was spend muttering spells. Even when I normally jogged I was now revising, but my head hurt. The boys thought it was hilarious how much I was stressing, although Remus did sit me down the night before taking a book out of my hand saying to me "Louise, calm down, if you have not learnt it now, you won't learn it tonight, just get some sleep, so you feel fresh for the exam" then he pointed to the girls dorms to indicate that I had to go to bed.

The exams were fine, even potions was easy, half the stuff I kept forgetting just came back to me and I kept seeing things, like on the wood of the desk the knots would remind me of something.

Once I had finished my paper I looked up, a couple of rows in front of me, Sirius was sat leaning back on his chair looking absolutely delectable. How I loved to watch him. He turned around and smiled at me; I smiled back. I looked away to search for James, he was a couple of rows to my left; he had also finished and was looking at the red haired girl he admired. I shook my head laughing silently. I looked for Remus and he was checking over his answers. I loved the three of those boys, they helped me so much and I loved them like brothers.

The exams were over, as soon as they were the four of us flung ourselves onto the grass by the lake. I took off my shoes and socks and dipped my feet in the cool lake, lying back feeling the hot July sun on my face. I felt somebody put their feet either side of me and smelt Sirius so did not think anything of it until I heard a whispered "One... two... three!" and I was lifted up and thrown into the lake

"You bastard!" I screamed at the boys. Sirius and James were rolling around on the edge of the lake in laughter "Can one of you help me out!" I was at the side now and Sirius got up clutching a stitch, he held out his hand and I grabbed it, but pulled and he fell off balance, head first into the lake. I got out laughing as he resurfaced spluttering.

I had a bikini on underneath my school clothes so took my wet clothes off, Sirius got out the lake and whistled when he thought I was striping. I gave him a dirty look once I had finished and lay down again. "You look sexy, how bout you take the top off" Sirius whispered in my ear

"OI!" I got up and slapped him

"What?" I just rolled my eyes and moved so I was next to Remus knowing he would not make purvey comments.

The day we were to go home came. I was not sure where I was going, was I going back to my parents' or James'? I had to ask him, I was not sure if I was going to be able to go back to my parents'.

He said his parents' were happy to have me, Sirius was going back to his own family and I felt so bad for him. I hugged him just before we were going down to the carriages "Why do you have to go back to yours? You hate it there"

"My parents want me for the summer, don't worry, I'll be out after three weeks tops" I smiled at him hugging him, he seemed happier than he had. I suppose he was just having mood swings.

We got on the train for the normal journey to London, Sirius kept disappearing to the toilet, I kept looking at Remus but he just shrugged at me. I curled up next to the window watching the trees wiz past. Remus was buried behind a book and James was... well I did not quite know what he was doing to be honest.

Sirius came back looking pale "What's the matter Sirius?" I asked making the other two boys look up

"Nothing" he sat down next to me shakily, I smelt a smell I had not smelt on Sirius before, and that was vomit. "Sirius, what's the matter, have you been throwing up?"

"No" he tried to hide away from me; hide his breath, and his face.

I grabbed Sirius' hand and pulled him out of the compartment "Sirius please, why have you been sick?"

"I have to get thinner, if my parents think I've been eating properly they'll kill me, well they'll starve me" a tear fell from my eye, I hated hearing how abused Sirius was, it broke my heart in two, how could people hurt such an amazing boy like Sirius?

I hugged him, and then went back into the compartment making sure Sirius was following behind me. He sat down and so did I; I played with his hair trying to make him feel somehow close, I wanted him to make sure I cared about him, he relaxed with my touches which pleased me as it showed he, enjoyed it and felt safe. He leaned back against me; I found it easier to play with his hair. He trailed his finger up and down my arm making me giggle.

James and I departed from Sirius and Remus at the station, Sirius hugged me very quickly then left to a stern looking woman, who hit him as soon as he was in front of her, he flinched, and so did I. The woman seemed to be shouting at Sirius and looking at me, obviously she disapproved of me being with Sirius, he was shouting back, a few words caught my ears "...Mudblood...scum...want you..."

"Don't...please, she...mother!" I walked away, out of sight of Sirius as I slid through the barrier with the Potters'.

A few weeks past, with no sign of Sirius. I was starting to get worried, I had owled him a couple of times, but he had not replied, "James, I'm worried about Sirius"

"Don't worry, he's probably just getting hell from his parents, he will get away eventually, don't worry yourself, you'll make yourself ill" I hugged James then went to bed as it was late.

I awoke to a banging on the door downstairs, I got out of bed and went down the stairs, I opened the door to see nobody there, but I looked down and there was Sirius leaning against the wall, extremely thin and in pain. "SIRIUS!" I dropped to my knees to see if he was alright, he was sweating but seemed to be really cold; he smiled at me weakly and then fell unconscious. I ran up the stairs and jumped on James "What? Louise? What?"

"Sirius is outside, he's unconscious, James, please!" I was crying by then and James got out of bed telling me to wake up his parents. I did and we went down to Sirius.

James had carried him into the lounge where I kneeled down next to him and the Potters' set to work trying to fix him up. Sirius was shaking while unconscious and it brought fear in me. What had his parents done for Sirius to end up like this? Well whatever it was, it was not feeding him and looking after him.

I lay my head down on Sirius' stomach wishing he would wake up, he would just sit up and start laughing, that he was just playing a prank, "Is he gonna be alright?" I did not aim the question at anybody in particular; I just needed it to be answered "Louise, he will be fine" Mr. Potter answered and put his hand on my head in a protective and calming way. "Come on, let's leave my wife and son to tend to Sirius, let's go and make ourselves some tea" he helped me up and led me into the kitchen where he busied himself making tea.

"What have they done to him sir?" I asked ones Mr. Potter had sat down setting the tea in front of me

"I don't know Louise, but whatever it was, he is not in a good state, and please, call me Mathew" I nodded as hot tears clouded my vision "How could they do that to him? He's just so... amazing, innocent so sweet" my voice faded gradually with every word I spoke to describe Sirius.

"Yes, well, in their eyes, he is not worth anything, that is why we try to take such good care of him, he is like our second son, from James we gained another son, and now, another daughter" he smiled at me and stroked my hair

"And thanks to James, I gained a family and a life, I never thought I would experience" I bowed my head remembering my own father and mother, how much they hated me for being me, how I had tried so hard to change for them, to make them proud, for them to say, just ones 'well done Louise'. It never happened, I was never loved, for twelve miserable years, now; I had a family that loved me, and cared for me for being me.

I sipped my tea, a silence had fallen between us, I was thinking about Sirius. If he's not ok, I shall kill his family with my bare hands. No matter what injuries I got in the process.


	10. I shall always be by your side

Chapter 10 (LF) **I shall always be by your side**

The week droned on, Sirius had only stirred twice, I slept by his side, well, I did not sleep, I more watched him when I was meant to be asleep, I just wanted him to wake up, to tell me he was ok. Every night tears would escape my eyes. I never shed a tear in front of the Potters, every so often Mr. Potter would take me to the side and hug me and tell me everything would be alright, but I knew, until Sirius woke up, nothing was going to be alright.

We got a medi-witch to come and see if Sirius was alright, she said he would recover, but to give him time to wake up, he had to regain his strength, the only way for him to do that was for him to sleep. I was barely listening, I only wanted to see Sirius' smile back on his face, hear his laughter come from those pink lips, I wanted nothing more than to see those grey eyes look at me how they used to, before they were closed, I wanted to be in his arms again for him to be the purvey Sirius he was at the end of the school year. I bowed my head as I started to cry; remembering every little thing Sirius used to do to annoy me, and how I missed it all.

James put his arm around me in comfort; I only wished it was Sirius' comforting arm. I leaned into James, crying into his chest "He's gonna be alright, I promise" I felt like arguing with James, telling him it was not ok, that it will never be ok, and Sirius was not in a state that you could say he was going to be ok.

Once the medi-witch had left, I climbed onto the bed and lay next to Sirius. Hugging him crying into his rising and falling chest, "Please Siri, don't do this to me" I whispered into his ear making sure the Potters had not heard what I had said, it was obvious I cared for Sirius a great deal, and I did, I cared for Sirius a lot more than I had ever cared for somebody, it was just unfair that somebody so perfect had to go through what Sirius endured.

It was the fourth week into the holidays, and I was lying next to Sirius when he coughed, I looked up at him, he was coughing, "Sirius" I put a hand on his and he grabbed hold of it "SIRIUS!"

"Ow, don't shout" he murmured weakly, I ran down the stairs to get the Potters, they followed me back up the stairs where we saw Sirius trying to sit up but struggling. I went to his side and helped him sit up; I did not let go afterwards scared he would crash back down and do more injury to himself.

The Potters started to check Sirius was ok. After a while they said he was fine but he should lie back down and eat something "You scared me so much Siri"

"I'm sorry; I kinda hoped you weren't the one to find me, I did not want you to see me like that" tears where flowing down my cheeks as he spoke, I had missed his voice so much "Come here" he patted the space next to him so I lay next to him cuddling into him, crying "I missed you" I murmured into his shoulder, he hugged me pulling me closer to him.

Within the week, Sirius was mobile and as irritating as ever, but I was pleased to have him around, he put a smile on my face and brought laughter from my lips. I did not go in his room for the night; I decided to just stay in my own bed, no matter what. I went to bed earlier than the boys as well; I could not be with them all the time. I did not know why I needed to cry, beat myself up; tell myself I was stupid and pathetic.

A couple of nights later I was in my room crying and telling myself how mucked up I am, when the door opened. I did not hear the door and jumped when a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around black streaked down my face because of my eyeliner, my eyes meeting grey. My eyes welled up with more tears, Sirius was seeing me cry, and he had probably heard me telling myself I was a pathetic bitch that should forget everything.

"Louise" he started gently, I wiped my eyes trying to pretend I had not been crying, but my tears did not cease and kept going. I curled up into a ball trying to hide from the beautiful figure in front of me, why did he have to be here? The only time I wanted to be alone. "I always wondered why you would go to bed before us"

"You shouldn't see me like this" my voice barely sounded like mine

"Well I have, and I am, so could you tell me why I'm finding you like this?" I did not answer him, I curled up into an even tighter ball on the bed; I did not actually know why I was crying, I did not want him to know how much I cared for him. I ignored him, trying to make it so he would leave, he put his hand on my shoulder rubbing soothing circles; I shrugged the hand off so he grabbed me from under my arms and lifted me up so he could see me, and I could not avoid him.

"Louise, talk to me, please"

"I don't want to" I struggled out of his grasp and left the room

"Louise! Don't do this!" he ran after me grasping my arm but I just wrenched it out of his grasp, fresh tears making their pattern down my face "Sirius, you don't care! Ok? You know you don't! You just want to believe that someone so fucked up like me, can be worth saving and being cared for! But you know what? I've known from the start of my life that I was never going to be somebody! I am not stupid Sirius, so stop pretending you care!" I had made it to the bottom of the stairs where I had been stopped my Mr. Potter holding onto my shoulders refusing to let go, no matter how hard I struggled.

After a while I just collapsed into his arms, tired from crying and tired from struggling, every muscle and bone in my body was shaking, tears still fell. I felt Sirius behind me so leaned against him "I'm sorry, I know you care, I just..."

"Hush, don't worry, I know you didn't mean it" he turned me round to hug me properly. I smiled up at him, while he was looking down to me. I buried my head in his chest as he walked me into the living room; he sat down lifting me up onto his lap, still my head in his chest.

A few minutes later I had fallen asleep in his arms, still eyeliner running down my face making a trail of black snail trails.

I woke up in my own bed alone, I stretched out my body yawning, then went to take a cold shower (what? It was too hot). I got out and wrapped a towel around me. A fully clothed Sirius was on my bed when I got back to my room, I did not really care to be honest; I just grabbed my clothes then went back into the bathroom to get changed.

I came out and still Sirius was sitting on my bed, he held out my eyeliner (he had borrowed it the day before) I took it muttering my thanks as I put a thick line under my eyes, then I put my socks and shoes on. We walked down to the kitchen together where the three of the Potters were sitting in silence.

"Morning" I said quietly trying not to draw attention to myself

"Morning" they echoed. They seemed a bit solemn but I did not say anything as I sat on the chair I normally occupied. I did not feel like eating so just sat still and silently wishing somebody would talk. After Sirius had finished his breakfast Mr. Potter cleared his throat "We have just had an owl from St Mungo's, my mother died a few hours ago" I sat there staring at Mr. Potter shocked, Sirius had a similar expression on his face

"I'm so sorry" I tried to get my voice even but it did not quite work, I always get very emotional when I hear of somebody dying "Don't worry Louise, she was ill for a while, it was expected" I looked down at my hands in my lap, Sirius went over to James and hugged him. I bit my lip still looking down. I did not know what to say; neither did I know whether to hug James or any of the other members of the family; so I just sat there, not looking at anyone or making a sound.

Later that day the Potters' went to sort out some of the things with St Mungo's. Sirius and I stayed at Godric's Hollow (I had found out that was the name of the house that the Potters' lived in). We did not do a lot, Sirius decided to sit on the sofa, next to me. We sat in silence, until I broke it "Sirius... who gave me that necklace?"

"I've already told you, I don't know, but whoever did, must love you"

"Who would love me?" I did not realise I had said it out loud until Sirius answered

"Many people, you are amazing, lots of people would love you" I did not believe him, well I could not, I had been told my whole life that no-one cared for me, how could I believe that now after so long?

"Louise, you need to stop being so... so hard on yourself... you're always really hard on yourself, and you shouldn't be, your pretty, no, your beautiful, your an amazing girl... I lo... I like to hang around with you, I like being with you, Louise, your amazing, your personality is immense as well" I frowned at Sirius, number one, what was he talking about, and number two, what did he slip up on? I brushed it aside, it was probably nothing.

I curled up against Sirius wanting a bit of comfort, burying my head in his chest holding onto the front of his shirt, he wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me closer to him. "Sirius"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you" I looked up at him smiling slightly

"What for?"

"For... being there, you know? You've always been there no matter what"

"You're worth that Louise, always remember that, and I promise you, no matter what, I shall always be by your side, never shall I turn my back on you" I smiled at him a bit more stroking his cheek gently, he was too sweet for his own good

"And I, shall do the same for you" I rested my head back on his chest.

Yes Sirius, I will always be with you no matter what, you just will never understand, why.


	11. summer, a breakage and school

Chapter 11

We got our Hogwarts letters two weeks before term was to start up in September. I had taken the same subjects as the boys, care of magical creatures, arithmancy and muggle studies, I did want to do ancient runes, but I would have been on my own apart from Remus, he is not too bad but I thought I would not need that subject anyway.

Remus had joined us by that time, he had only been with us two days, but he was still there. "Well let's face it" the four of us were sitting in James' room "we're gonna have to work on this prank if we are gonna not get caught by Filch" yes, yet again James and Sirius were arguing about how to pull off a prank aimed at Filch, well, they have not managed it yet, so let me say, I do not think they will succeed this year, but what the hell! I'll join in; they can just take the punishment for it. "James, are you completely insane? Right number one, you have an invisibility cloak, number two, we have everything to do the prank, number three, there's four of us, maybe even five, only maximum of two people can do the prank, or are needed, number four, where Filch is it's bloody deserted, get passed the prefects perfect. Can I make myself any clearer?" the boys, even Remus looked up at me, "She's got a point Jamie Boy"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Do NOT call me Jamie Boy!" I giggled at the two boys; Remus just looked back to his book. Sirius had started calling him Jamie Boy at the end of last school year; every time Sirius would say it James would go mad; he hated it.

I sat down on James' bed as I had been sitting on the floor, but did not want the boys looking that far down to see me. "Ok, we've sorted it out thanks to Louise, what should we do? I'm bored"

"James you're always bored"

"Your point?" I rolled my eyes. We just decided to go into the garden and muck about a bit.

Sirius decided to get the hose pipe out, and spray, well you could probably guess. Me. Yes he decided to be very annoying and get me drenched, yeah, something Sirius would do isn't it? We had fun though, I trapped Sirius under the upturned paddling pool, (it is one of those blue plastic shell shaped paddling pools) and I sat on it so he could not get up, well, he could have, if it was not for James hammering pegs into the paddling pool into the ground. We are so nice to Sirius, it was only when Sirius threatened to trap me under there with him was when I let him up; well I did not know what he would do to me would I?

Ok that day I had decided to do my hair, so I did not really want to get my hair wet as it would muck it up. Remus and James pinned me down to the floor with me struggling, I knew what they were planning and did not like the idea one bit. I could sense Sirius behind me, suddenly I screamed as cold water hit me, I was expecting it but I did not expect it to be freezing cold.

I got up and chased Sirius all around the garden until he tripped over a tree root falling over; I stopped short of him and dived onto him whacking him playfully "Oi that's not fair! You're wet!"

"It's your fault you idiot!" I sat on him ringing my hair over his face, giggling. He pushed me off him shaking his wet hair. I laughed at him, bad idea, he lunged at me; knocking me clean to the floor, pinning me down he started to tickle me. I screamed, trying to push his hands off, or him, but as usual he was too strong, damn him. "Sirius get off! Your fingers hurt!" he just laughed and kept tickling me in the ribs until he saw I was in actual pain, which after a while I was, I had this burning sensation in my ribs, a tear escaped my eye in the pain.

Sirius got off me quickly and helped me up, I screamed slightly with the effort "Godric, what happened? Have I hurt you?" I shook my head, unable to speak with the pain, I leant on Sirius for support, he steadied me looking into my face, I had clutched by one of my right ribs, it was agony, it was painful to breathe; I took shallow breaths scared of breathing too deeply.

Sirius took my hand away from my ribs and pressed gently, I screamed with the pain, he bit his lip looking at me apologetically, and he trailed two fingers down my ribs, I cried out, it was so painful, more tears escaped, it was agony, I did not know why he was doing it, Sirius was causing me a lot of pain, knowingly and not stopping.

"James! Can you get your mum? Louise has broken her rib, or at least I think it's that" he looked back down at me, I was crying with the pain, he hugged me being careful where he put his hands as I shook with the pain of my ribs, I did not know what to do with myself.

Within a few hours the pain had gone, but I was not allowed to jump on Sirius, and the boys were not allowed to jump on me. Sirius stuck out his bottom lip I laughed at him, he was such a sadistic puppy!

I did not just call Sirius a puppy.

I was really tired so I fell asleep on the sofa, no not on Sirius. I awoke to the sound of exploding snap; I rolled my eyes groggily as I sat up to watch Remus, Sirius, and James playing the noisy game. I stretched out and swung my legs over the side of the sofa, walking over to the boys "Good evening Lou lou" I rolled my eyes Sirius had started calling me 'Lou lou' a few days ago, I hated the name but there was no point telling him to stop; he would not.

A few days later we went to diagon alley to get our school supplies, the boys stayed on either side of me, not wanting to let me out of their reach, this seemed weird, but I just did not think anything of it, I enjoyed it, common, three boys, looking out for me, three hot guys at that, you would not complain, so I wasn't.

After we got everything we needed we went to the ice cream parlour, while James and Remus sat down with their ice creams, Sirius said "Lou lou, run and jump!" I knew what he meant so ran up to his back and jumped on, he supported me with his hips and arms. He ran up and down the street with me on his back. I laughed all the way, it was so fun. I held on with my arms round his neck resting my head next to his. I loved getting a piggy back from Sirius, I just felt so safe and that he would never drop me, unless he actually said 'And drop' which is when he would put me down. His hair smelt so sweet, as I had my face in his hair.

He dropped me into a chair next to Remus, Remus had got me and Sirius a coke, I thanked him sucking through the straw, feeling the cold liquid trickle down my throat, it was nice, I was really hot after being on Sirius' back, it was half way through summer after all, it was one of the hottest summers I had ever experienced.

I put my feet on my chair, wrapping my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knees and smiling at the boys around me, Sirius put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing slightly, he smiled at me, I poked my tongue out in return. Sirius laughed at me; he was always laughing at me, just shows how mean he is!

Ok it got to the day to go back to school, no way am I gonna bore you with the journey; nothing happened is what you need to know.

First term, boring as hell, the only thing that was funny was me and Sirius were partners for potions. Yeah, we did not blow up the potions classroom, I added too much of something, no idea what it was, all I know is it blew up right in front of me. That was a month of detentions for the pair of us.

Care of magical creatures was a laugh, not really that interesting creatures, it was just funny, Sirius and James would try to imitate the animals, it was hilarious, I can give you that. The teacher was a good teacher though, he was cool, I did like his way of teaching.

Arithmancy, ok subject. Nothing exciting in it though.

Now, muggle studies, this was the only subject James and Sirius did not muck around in, they would sit there, with rapped attention, not talking, or passing notes, or, anything, just sitting there, making notes. It was weird, every other class they mucked around, muggle studies; they didn't.

Christmas came, nothing actually happened that year to be honest, nothing exciting, I looked at the necklace again though, I had not looked at it for a while. I still did not know who had given it to me, and I was no closer in finding out. It annoyed me, how could I not know who had given me something. I looked at the note again, I put a spell on it to see if there was any invisible ink or something, but there was nothing (we spent that Christmas at school).

Valentine's day, usually, nothing happens at valentine's day, but this year, I awoke covered in hearts, a few red roses were on my bed, I looked by my side and saw a vase with striking red roses placed carefully in the glass vase. The vase had an angel carved in the side, nobody told me who had done it, nobody came forward to tell me, who on earth sent me all that stuff?

Ok I am going to skip to Easter...


	12. declaration of love

_Y__ou will never understand__ I know you won't, you have skeletons, maybe one day you could show you like me how I like you by not hiding away like you always do. I shall not tell you who I am; you need to find that out for yourself_

Ok I am going to skip to Easter...

Remus and I were starting to get closer; we spent a lot more time with each other than we ever had before, I spend more time with him than James, and I spent about the same amount with Sirius.

One night we were on the squashy armchair in front of the fire, I was snuggled up to Remus as it had suddenly gone quite cold. Remus was reading a book, with one hand turning the pages, the other, was around me. I felt somebody's eyes on me, I looked around but saw nobody looking at me, sure there were people in the common room, it was only about eight thirty; so nobody had gone to bed yet.

I looked around again thinking nothing of it; it was my mind playing tricks on me. So I just went back to how I was; watching the flickering flames licking at the air. I felt the sensation again, someone was watching me, I was sure of it. I looked around again, but no-one was watching me, or looked like they had been beforehand. I looked back around thinking, I must have been going mad; nobody was watching me.

"What's the matter Louise?" Remus looked at me, concern shining in his green/amber eyes,

"Nothing, I just thought... nothing" I shook my head, nobody was watching me

"You can tell me anything"

"I know, it's nothing Remus, honest" he nodded rubbing my back in small circles I relaxed into him just as I heard heavy feet going up, or down stairs, I did not bother looking around, I knew I would not see anybody now, I had left it too late.

Gradually students trickled to bed, tomorrow, most of those students were going home, I knew of four people staying at school that was in Gryffindor, Remus, Sirius, James, and me. Only about three others were staying, one was in Slitherin, the other two in Hufflepuff.

The common room was nearly empty, I was yawning, so I bid good night to Remus giving him a kiss on the cheek then went up to my dorm. I opened my hangings got my pyjamas and got changed, I got into bed to feel paper at my feet, I went under the covers and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, on it said

_'you shall never understand my feelings for you, you are my angel, my stars, you light up my day with your smile, yet, you seem to love another, you probably do not even notice I am there while you, are with him, you are there and I am happy, you are not, you leave me cold wi__th need to see your pretty face; to warm my cold heart. Y__ou shall never know who I am, yet, I want you to know who I am so badly, I know you can never know.' _

I put the letter in my trunk, who on earth was this guy? If he liked me so much why did he religiously stay in the shadows, and not tell me it was him, why? I thought of who ever this guy was all night, I barely slept, I just thought of who could have given me the letter.

I awoke to the sunrise; I stretched and got out of bed. I put a straightening charm on my hair (yes I had finely learnt a useful spell) then I went down the dormitory stairs to the common room, it was deserted which was not surprising really, it was like really early. I went back up to my dorm, got changed into some comfy clothes, then went outside; I needed a run.

I ran around the lake twice then looked up at what I knew to be the boy's dorm (Sirius, Remus and James that is) I saw somebody at the window; I could not make out who it was though. I ignored whoever it was and carried on jogging. I did a few more laps of the lake then stopped stretched out then walked back into the castle feeling a lot more refreshed.

I stopped at the great hall to grab a piece of toast, no one was in which I was happy about, so I decided to sit down and eat in the hall for ones.

In the common room I was just about to go up the girl dormitory stairs, taking off my top as I went, when out of the corner of my eye I saw black hair, however, when I looked around, there was nobody there. My mind was playing tricks on me again.

I went up my dorm stairs, had a shower and got changed into a shirt tie, and black skinny jeans. I put a pair of fingerless gloves on and a leather wristband with chains on it (a Christmas present from Remus). I put the necklace on that I had got from the unknown sender as well.

I sat on my bed drawing my hangings as the other girls started to wake up, they hated me, it was obvious, Lily seemed to like me but I think that was because I was friends with Remus and she was quite close to Remus. I read the letter that I had got the day before; I kept reading it until the girls had left the dormitory. By this time it was nine o'clock and most people were to be going home in about half an hour, so I just stayed in the common room while everyone else was down in the great hall.

I was bored after a while so I decided to go up to the boys' dormitory, I did not knock because I never did; it was just something I did not do. At first I did not see anybody there, but then I noticed the dorm was messier than normal... almost like somebody had gone on a rage and taken their anger out on the room.

I looked around hearing a sniff, there, looking down with his head in his hands, only in his boxers "Sirius, what the hell?" I went over to him quickly a bit worried about any damage he had done to himself. He looked up at me; tears had streaked down his face. "Oh my god, Sirius, what happened?"

"I... I don't... Louise" I sat next to Sirius, and wrapped my arms around him hugging him tightly, I rocked him gently, I had never been soothed when I was younger, so I was not quite sure if this was the right thing to do, but, I suppose I could try it.

It hurt a lot to see Sirius in such a state, it hurt so much, I almost burst into tears, but knew it would not help Sirius. I stroked his hair whispering comforting words. I made him look up at me; I stared into his grey eyes wiping a few tears off his cheeks "Everything is going to be ok"

"You don't know that... you don't know, what, how I... you don't know"

"Then tell me"

"I can't... you wouldn't understand" he sounded scared; he was acting like a little boy that had just been caught taking a biscuit without asking.

"Try me"

"Louise..." I looked at him, as if to say he had to tell me "Ok, well... I like this girl, but, I think, she doesn't like me, I've loved her for ages, and she doesn't seem to notice me, she doesn't even seem to care" I noticed him, I was there for him

"Have you told her you like her?" I was feeling a bit jealous, Sirius loved a girl, and it definantly was not me, I tried not to show it though, I was there for Sirius, my feelings did not matter

"No, it'd ruin everything, she likes someone else anyway, and she doesn't want me"

"How do you know?"

"I just, I just do" he had stopped crying by now, he put on a pair of jeans and he took my hand and lead me down to the common room; I was a little confused at first but thought nothing of it, this was Sirius, I could trust him we sat down on one of the squashy armchairs, I sat on his lap, pleased I could finely be in his arms ones again.

I curled up into his chest, I had not smelt Sirius in a while, it felt good, I had smelt chocolate and books for a while, which was Remus, but not the chocolate, mint and some other things that Sirius smelt of, I wondered if he tastes as sweet as he smelt... shut up Louise, you are not fantasising about Sirius in that way.

I felt Sirius kiss the top of my head; I relaxed more into him and steadily fell asleep, he was playing with my hair when I slipped out of knowledge of the present of what was happening.

I dreamt that I was awake, Sirius next to me in bed, he was asleep, I was watching his figure sleeping when he awoke and we stared at each other. He kissed my forehead, told me he loved me and would never let me go. I buried myself into his chest smiling; knowing he meant those words and I was to be happy with him forever.

I woke up; still Sirius was stroking my hair. I do not think I had been asleep for long; he was still in the same position I think he would have moved a bit if I had been asleep for a while. I sat up, Sirius looked a bit dazed and not quite with it, oh well, it was just Sirius.

He smiled at me ones he realised I was awake, I got off him to stretch out, it was rather uncomfortable curled up that small. Nobody was in the common room which surprised me I would have expected the other boys to be here. I then remembered they were going to study in the library today. "Siri, I'm going to go to the library, see Remus and James, do you want to come with me?"

"Why do you want to go and see them?" Sirius looked almost hurt that I wanted to spend time with them and not him, of course I wanted to spend time with him, I just, felt I should really catch up a bit, I had fallen behind a bit on a few of my subjects.

"Please, Louise, stay here, I never see you anymore; you're always with _him_" he spoke of Remus like he was a bad taste in his mouth. "Sirius, what is wrong with you and Remus? I know I don't spend as much time with you, I just, I like to be with Remus, he's nice company"

"And I'm not I'm guessing, look I'm ok with you spending time with him, it's just the amount of time, I liked it when we spent a lot of time together, now, we don't"

"Siri..."

"Louise, I love you! Don't you get it, I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I sent you those things on Valentine's day, this..." he touched the necklace around my neck "I sent you that, that note yesterday, I wrote that for you, you will never get it Louise, it is you I love and always have loved!" I stood there, shocked, this was why Sirius had been so off with me, this is why he seemed hurt when he was around me; he thought I did not love him, I could not believe it "But of course, you love Remus, you will never love me"

"Siri... I... I don't..."

"Love me, I know!" then he ran out of the common room, leaving me, open mouthed, shocked, not sure of what to do.

"I do love you Sirius; I have always loved you..." I said this to an empty room, falling to my knees sobbing.


	13. a chat and two black haired boys

Chapter 13

He loved me...

I did not understand...

I was still in the common room, shaking and sobbing. I vaguely heard the portrait door open "Godric! Louise!" I heard Remus; he came over and hugged me,

"Siri... he..."

"Louise, what?"

"Sirius... he... he loves me"

"That's good, isn't it" he lifted up my head looking at me straight into my eyes

"Yeah... but he thinks... I love you, when I don't; I love him, I've always loved him" I started crying hysterically again, Remus rocked me back and forth in his arms, trying to soothe me, I cried into his chest.

James came into the common room, seeing that Remus was hugging me and me crying "What's happened?" he placed his hand on my back rubbing gently in small circles

"Go and find Sirius, I think he could be in a worse state" James looked at Remus questioningly "Go!" Remus said more urgently. I heard James leaving.

"I hope he's alright... this is all my fault"

"Louise don't blame yourself"

"But I didn't tell him how I felt, I should have just told him" my tears had run dry although I almost wanted to cry again. "I need to see him, I need to tell him the truth I need to sort it out" I stood up, about to leave the common room when the portrait opened, James came into the room, followed by a very puffy eyed, red faced and sweaty.

"SIRIUS!" I screamed and ran at him, throwing myself into him at full force making him fall backwards "Sirius I love you, I love you more than anything ever, I have never loved Remus more than a brother, I just thought you never loved me so never said anything, I am so sorry, I am really sorry" fresh tears were streaming down my face, Sirius wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezing me around the waist, lifting me up slightly.

"I'm so..."

"Shhhh, don't worry about it, I love you, never leave me Lou please, never leave me" he sounded like he had just been crying, I shook my head, of course I would never leave him "Louise, please, could you be mine? Would you be my girlfriend plea...?"

"Of course! Of course I'll be yours" I went to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his face so he caught my lips with his own, fireworks exploded inside me, as I pulled away to rest my head on his chest, I could not believe I was finely Sirius' girlfriend.

After a while, of standing there, in Sirius' arms, he pushed me gently away from him to look me in the eyes, I stared back into his grey, stormy eyes, I had never looked at them so closely, there was not only grey, but black, white and steel, they were like an artist had painted his eyes but throwing the paint over a round piece of paper; they were beautiful, next time I got my paints out that was what I was going to paint, his eye. That sounds weird, but, they were just so unique, I could stare into those eyes forever, and never get tired, never get bored of those dazzling eyes, full of life.

He took both my hands and led me out the common room down the corridors; he turned around, still holding one of my hands leading me down corridors, up stairs, down stairs, he let go of my hand and backtracked then went forward again, I knew what he was doing.

A door appeared in the wall; he opened it then pulled me gently inside. There were cushions literally just covering the floor, there were a few shelves lining the wall but apart from that, the only thing in the room were cushions, I wanted some chocolate, and there in front of me appeared some chocolate, yes it was definantly that room, the room of... requirements was it?

I lay down on my front, propping my head up with my hands; it was so comfy, the pillows just melted where my body was only to leave a soft cushion of feathers. Sirius lay next to me but on his back, looking at me, I smiled at him leaning my cheek against my hands instead of my chin.

"Louise" he stopped stroking my cheek "you've never told me about your family" I looked at him nervously, I had to tell him, he had told me about his family and how terrible they are, so it was now my turn. I started from the beginning, I had to get it out; no-one had ever asked me; so I had never told. Now somebody was asking, so I was going to make the most of it and tell him everything there was to say.

"Well... when I was younger you know I wanted to be a normal kid, be loved, hugged when I was upset, until I got to senior school, well, I had never been hugged, it was weird when I was first hugged, I wasn't used to it, I almost freaked out, but then it felt nice, so I didn't mind, everyday, was spent in my room, I never was allowed out, but, I wasn't allowed to be in sight of them, when I ate, I had to eat when they had gone to bed, or if they were out. Everything I did was wrong. The teachers at school always thought something was up, but if they phoned my parents they'd just say everything was fine. They tried talking to me about it, but I never told them anything, I didn't want to, I was ashamed of it all, I hated every minute of it, then I got the letter for here and I thought 'yes I'm finely out of here' and when my dad said I couldn't come... I thought I was stuck there forever, I would never get out, but now... well I've got you, I've got James, I've got Remus, I couldn't be happier" Sirius had got closer to me hugging him as I had cried a bit through my story, but I was smiling, I had the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever wish for.

He hugged me tighter kissing my cheek, "You mean everything to me Louise, you always will, and I shall never let you go back to that house"

"Also, Siri. Please promise me you won't go back to yours, it killed me last year knowing you had to go back, and then when I found you..." I buried myself into his chest; I knew if I had to see him like that again I would not know what to do with myself.

"Lou, I may have to go back this summer, sorry"

"Siri, please don't, please, I can't deal with losing you, or worrying as much as I do knowing what hell you're going through, it isn't fair"

"I have to, I'm always back at James' for a bit of the summer" I looked away from him, knowing he was going to get beaten, starved, and hurt, it was breaking my heart "lou, look at me" I looked at him, tears filling my eyes, drowning my sight "I have to, but nothing to bad with happen, I promise, and I will write to you any chance I get, and I will get out when I can, they're still my family, whether I like it or not, and I still have to respect that they want me back for a bit of the summer" I nodded, the tears now leaking slowly out of my eyes, he wiped them away gently with his thumb cupping my face. "You won't lose me babe, I promise" he said so softly; I almost did not hear him.

"I just don't want it to happen; I don't want you getting hurt again" I sobbed out, he meant everything to me, when he hurt, I hurt, when he smiled I smiled, when he cried I cried, when he laughed, I laughed, we were one in my eyes, he was my other half. A tear leaked from his eye, obviously he thought of the same as me. "Lou, I love you"  
"Then don't put yourself through that, please, Siri, please"  
"One last time, I promise, then I won't then I'll just go to James' every summer, seriously, don't worry about me, I'll make them kick me out this year"  
"I wanna come with you"  
"NO!"  
"Why...?  
"They'll kill you, torture you; make an example of you in front of Regulus and me, they'll force me to hurt you, no, I could not let you go through that" I fell silent, they really were animals. How could a boy so amazing... be part of that family?

After a few hours, we left the room. Sirius had his arm around me and I felt somebody behind us, but I did not care, I felt safe with Sirius. Somebody put their hand on my arse and squeezed too hard, I screamed, about to hit Sirius thinking it was him but then realised that he had let go of me to look at somebody. I saw a boy, a few inches shorter than Sirius, black hair, the same olive skin as Sirius, and they're face was the same shape. I realised this, was Regulus. "Don't you ever lay your filthy fingers on my girlfriend!" he snarled at Regulus, Regulus walked over to me quickly grabbing me roughly so I was pressed flush against him. I was scared, he did not have the same politeness and love in his actions, well; otherwise I would have thought he was Sirius.

"I'll make a deal with you Sirius, I won't tell mother and father, if I can have half an hour with this gorgeous specimen" he smiled evilly, I tried to struggle out of his grasp but he held me too tight  
"Sirius" I cried out, Sirius was standing there looking scared and nervous, and I knew he was in a dilemma, but, would he really make me go with Regulus. I knew what Regulus would want to do with me, and to be honest, I wanted that with Sirius, not his brother. "Little brother, please, that's unfair, please, not with her"  
"It's your choice, she may be a filthy mudblood, but' he nuzzled my neck sniffing and kissing it, it made me shake involuntary, it, he was disgusting. 'she smells, and looks delicious" I started to cry, I could not bear to think that Regulus would be so evil, "Regulus, please, please, I don't want this, don't be this horrible, please, I don't want this to happen, please" I pleaded, sobbing looking up at him. He looked at me, his face softening slightly, he caressed my face moving the hair from my damp cheeks; I swallowed, shaking slightly. He kissed me hard on the mouth then let me go.

I stumbled backwards to be caught by Sirius, I turned around crying into his chest. "I'll get you, you bastard" I felt Regulus go past, he slapped my arse hard. I jumped, my arse stinging, knowing there was going to be a red hand print there. Sirius rubbed where he had just slapped which made me smile. He walked me to the common room then up to his room, where we lay down, Sirius cuddling me tight, I fell asleep in his arms, feeling the safest I had ever felt.

The best feeling ever was being in Sirius' arms, and I hoped that was all I ever felt for the rest of my life.

I love you Sirius.


	14. alot can happen in 18 hours

Chapter 14 LF.

It was yet again almost time for the exams, so I was studying with Remus attempting to cram everything into my head that we had learnt over the year. Sirius came into the common room where Remus and I were and pulled me up "Enough studying, I've put something on my bed, you are to get changed into it and we're going into the lake" I looked at him confused but he pulled me to his dorm and turned to the corner of the room so I could change "I AM NOT WEARING THIS" I yelled at him, he just laughed, he had laid out a black bikini and a light pink mini skirt, but I knew I would have to wear it in the end so I grudgingly put it on grumbling, complaining, and moaning. It was the only mini skirt I possessed and never thought I would ever wear it and never wanted to.

We walked down to the lake together. At the lake Sirius stripped off his navy shirt and black jeans where underneath he had a pair of black swim shorts on, getting the jist I slipped out of my mini skirt. We put our clothes in a pile on a rock. Sirius got hold of me around my waist, I tried to squirm away but his hold was too strong and he threw me head first into the lake.

I resurfaced looking around, but I couldn't see Sirius. I felt something touch my feet; I screamed kicking out thinking it was the giant squid, but Sirius broke the glassy surface, holding his nose, where I had kicked him, I kicked clumsily over to him "I'm so sorry; I thought you were the giant squid!" he laughed dragging me closer to him. I smiled looking into his eyes; I rested my head on his shoulder, gently running my hands over his shoulder blades. He pulled me even closer to him, having his hands on my lower back. We were both kicking our legs too keep both of us up, Sirius was probably keeping us both up more than me keeping myself up. I'm not quite strong enough to do that.

I was not a very strong swimmer, I never had been, the only swimming I had ever done was in primary school, and a term in the first year of senior school. My parents had never taken me swimming. I was ok, like when Sirius and James chucked me into the lake; I can resurface and everything, but I can't hold myself up for a long time. I can't swim a long distance either.

Sirius was pulling me along, his body underneath me supporting me in the water "Lou kick babe" he whispered, I started to kick under the water quite hard. Sirius slowly slipped out from underneath me, I started to panic a bit, but Sirius was swimming on his back next to me; so I calmed down; knowing he would not let me drown. I used my arms and kicked with my legs. My arms probably looked really weird; they were flying all over the place, going everywhere. Sirius put his hands on my arms pushing them into what he was saying was a front crawl. I felt myself gliding through the water, I felt comfortable and then I realised I was swimming and the edge of the lake was getting very close to me.

I got to the bank a little after Sirius who had been swimming a little faster than me but staying close all the same. I looked back, shocked; I had just swam the hole width of the lake, "Well done baby" Sirius smiled at me, I looked at him and then lunged on him, hugging him tightly. "You're welcome Lou" he wrapped his arms around my waist. I had only ever swum the width of a pool; the lake was about the length of an Olympic swimming pool.

After mucking about; splashing each other and things like that, we dragged ourselves onto the warm grass. It was already hot, but I wanted my bikini to dry quicker; so I put a drying spell on them. I then put the same spell on Sirius' swim shorts. He smiled in thanks then put his jeans on, passing me my mini skirt then I put that on. We lay next to each other soaking up the sun; I closed my eyes rather than staring into the dazzling yellow ball.

I felt Sirius sit on my legs; I giggled and he started to run his hand up my thigh; I slapped his hand playfully away, Sirius knew that I was not interested in that sort of stuff yet, so I expected him to stop. His hand however, kept going up; it was unusual behaviour from Sirius. Now the hand was on my inner thigh; way too high up. I opened my eyes, not liking it and screamed.

It was not Sirius, not even a Gryffindor sitting on me; it was Severus Snape "Get off me!" I tried to push him off, to get his hand off my thigh "SIRIUS!" I screamed

"Sirius, oh Sirius" he mocked "Your pathetic! You and him, you're both pathetically sick!" he spat at me. A tear leaked from my eye. "Sirius!" I tried again, where was he?

"Sirius, Sirius" he mocked again, his hand fingered my bikini bottoms, I tried to squirm, knowing if I did not get away or Sirius came; I knew what he would do. "You're not going anywhere, Regulus told me he almost got his way with you, he should have done it, but he has some kind of heart, because he let you go; I have not got that type of heart, I am not that kind" salty tears trailed freely down my cheeks.

"GET YOUR GREESY MITTS OF MY GIRL!" I finely heard the voice I wanted to hear. I saw a fist fly from over me crashed into the Slitherin's face, he fell off me with the force; I jumped up quickly, stumbling to Sirius. Sirius was just about to give Snape a few more punches when we both heard a shrill 'Severus Snape my office right now!" he shakily got up and walked to a fierce looking Professor McGonagall "Mr. Black, Miss Felm, follow me please" she called to us, so with Sirius I followed our head of house. I brushed my hand with Sirius' and he entwined our fingers as we walked.

We got to the professor's office; I leaned into Sirius' chest, facing away from Snape once we had stopped in front of her desk. "Are you ok Miss Felm?" she asked once she had sat down behind her desk, a few more tears leaked from my eyes, Sirius brushed them away softly with his thumb. McGonagall rounded on Snape "Severus! Do you understand the seriousness of this situation?"

"She was begging for it professor" the lie slipped easily from his smug tongue

"I can highly doubt that Severus! This is a serious matter; do not lie to me, or give me attitude!" She yelled.

I buried myself further into Sirius' chest, but then pulled myself away slightly and screamed at Snape "You would have done it! Wouldn't you! I you would have done it!" both Sirius and Snape flinched at my high pitched hysterical outburst. I slumped against Sirius crying "You know, I would have, you'd be in my dorm right now, screaming" he had got quite close to me as he hissed his words. Before Sirius could so much as to open his mouth I slapped Snape hard around the face then ran, I did not look back to see what McGonagall was doing, or to see Sirius sprinting after me.

Sirius caught me fast after I left the room, I held onto the front of his shirt shaking and crying. He sat down outside McGonagall's office sitting me down on top of him, leaning into him "Do you want to talk?"

"It's just... well your brother, then Snape, it's too much" he kissed me quickly then looked into my eyes

"It'll be ok, they're just trying to test you, they will leave you alone, my brother did it to try and hurt me, Snape, well he's just a dick" I nodded looking down, he hugged me tightly, rocking me.

A while later the door of the office opened and out came a very miserable Snape. "So I do it again...?"

"Yes, you're lucky I haven't already" he nodded then shuffled off toward the Slitherin commons. Both Sirius and I looked at McGonagall expecting her to tell us his punishment, but she just shook her head then bid us farewell.

I spent the rest of the day on Sirius' bed reading a potions book, bound in black dragon's hide. Sirius sat on the floor in front of his bed and reached up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear, I looked up from the book smiling at him "Why are you bothering to study?" he asked in a childish voice

"Because I need to" he pulled the book away from me

"You'll have to come and get it then don't you?" I shook my head and lunged from sitting cross legged on the bed, onto him trying to get the book off him "Uh uh no you don't, you're not getting the book; you're being boring!"

"You're being mean! Ok give me the book and I'll amuse you in ten minutes" I was reaching up trying to get the book off him, he stopped thinking about it "No" I tugged at his shirt, I tried to pull his arm down but he would not budge.

In the end I stood in front of him, crossed my arms and stuck my bottom lip out. He tossed the book into the corner of the room and tackled me onto the bed, I was giggling as he sat on my stomach tickling me. "Ok, ok you two!" James had burst into the room, Sirius got off me, smiling evilly. "Sirius, please, let Louise study, she would prefer to be with you but, unlike you, she can't remember absolutely everything, and she has not studied magic since she was born" finely a voice of reason was all I could think. Sirius went to retrieve the potions book, apologising to me as he handed to me. I took the book and hugged him telling him it was not like it really mattered the exams aren't overly important. "I'll help you study" he smiled at me and we got down to work.

A few hours later Sirius had fallen asleep using the book as a pillow. I smiled at him shifting him gently so his head was on the pillow. I took off his shoes and his shirt, then took off his belt. I moved the book to under the bed, then put the covers over the black haired boy's sleeping figure. Finely I slipped in beside him after changing into one of Sirius' t-shirts and joggers. I snuggled up next to him falling asleep quickly and peacefully.

I awoke to Sirius yelling out, he was shaking and sweating, I did not know what to do; a boy that was always strong was having a nightmare that was obviously scaring him a lot. I decided to follow my instincts; I stroked his cheek whispering "Sirius, Sirius love, it's ok, you're safe, common baby" he was writhing tangling himself in the bed sheets. I was starting to get scared, I ran into the bathroom and got a flannel that I drenched in cold water, rang it out then raced back into the room dabbing it on his forehead and the rest of his face. He sat bolt upright "Please!"

"Siri. It's ok, it's ok; it was a dream, only a dream" he looked at me as if not recognising the girl he fell in love with. He exhaled and inhaled shakily. He opened his mouth as if trying to speak, but seemed lost for words "Siri... are you ok?" I tried to hug him but he flinched away, he rubbed his eyes as if he was about to cry.

"Louise?" he looked at me scared, probably because I looked scared and hurt from being shunned away

"Are you ok?" he looked at me fearfully

"Don't make me go back there... please... don't make me face them" for a moment I was confused, unsure of where Sirius did not want to go "Do you mean the Black house?" he nodded tears streaking down his face "You don't have to babe, you don't have to I promise" I hugged him tightly stroking his tears away. I kissed his nose, and then stared into his painted eyes, smudged with tears. I stroked his damp hair, trying to soothe him.

Sirius I hate to see you in that way, please I can see that you're in pain, I can see you fear them... why can't you just admit your fear for those animals that you've had to call your family.


	15. a night that people would rather forget

Chapter 15 (LF)

Exams came, and went, I think I did ok in them.

I awoke the next day in the arms of a black haired boy, I smiled snuggling deeper into his chest, and I felt something dig into my chest. I realised it was the necklace, I looked at it in the dark, with only a little light in the room, I could still make out the word 'diligo' that reminded me that I had to ask Sirius what it meant. As if he had read my mind he opened his eyes and stared at me with his gorgeous grey eyes. "Siri...' I trailed my finger up and down the pendant, 'what does diligo mean?"

"It means, love, in Latin, I wanted to say 'I love you' but, in Latin there is no sentence that means that, that I could possibly fit on a necklace" he smiled at me, I smiled back, snuggling deep into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, drawing me closer, "Sirius, never leave me..."

"I told you yesterday, I am never going to leave you, I promise, I shall never in a million years leave you" I smiled into his chest, holding onto his shirt, never wanting to let go.

I scraped my short nails down his chest still crushed against him, safety was what I always felt with Sirius, and always knowing that he is with me, and, that he won't leave me, I felt safe, and wanted, which is not something... I had ever felt before.

I was in the girls bathroom, a while later, one of the bathrooms that no-one went in, going over a plan, I just hoped it worked; if it didn't, I could get myself killed, but my plan was simple enough, as long as it worked and nothing went unexpectedly wrong.

I was not just randomly concocting a plan, this was for a good reason, a reason that I was prepared to die for, nothing could ever had made me feel so strongly about doing it if it was not for that person. I would not do this for any random person that came into my life. This reason was...

Sirius.

The one boy that seems to always want to protect me, make me feel safe, feel wanted. Nobody had ever truly made me feel safe, or wanted, he did not only protect me from other people; he protected me from myself... my mind, that may sound weird, 'how can somebody save you from your mind?' well to be honest, I don't know how he does it. He just takes my mind completely away from the world, so there is only me and him in existence. He was amazing, and I loved him for that.

I left the bathroom in search of the boys, I looked in the common room but they weren't there, which was a little odd, so I looked up into their dormitory, Frank Longbottom, the poor boy that had to share a dormitory with them was there, he was a round faced boy, he was reading a book, I did not bother seeing what the book was about "Where's Sirius?" I asked him quietly, but load enough for him to hear.

"I don't know, sorry Louise"

"It doesn't matter, if he comes up here, could you tell him I'm looking for him please?"

"Sure" I smiled at him then left the dormitory.

There were a number of places Sirius could be, well the castle is huge. I went down to the kitchens; he could be there, as he does like to think of his stomach a lot. I went in to be surrounded by house elves asking what I would like, but on a quick sweep there was no sign of the black haired boy. I sighed then walked out.

I went up to the owlary, but there was no sign, I went up to a few of the towers, he was not there. I even asked some paintings if they had seen him, all said no. I was starting to worry, but I did not know where he could be. I slid down a wall, I just felt lost. Why could I not find him? A few tears leaked down my cheeks. Exasperation and, I don't even know what the other emotion was, overcame me and took me over.

"Well, Well what ever do we have here?" I swallowed, it was a voice, a voice I did not want to hear, a voice that was alike the boy's I wanted to hear, "A lost little lioness, I do believe" same person, one set of footsteps. I bowed my head lower, hoping he would just go away, leave me alone.

He sat down, next to me, putting his hand on my knee, I pushed it off "No, manners please" I could feel his eyes on me. He put his hand on my head and I could feel his fingers twisting in my hair, I tried to pull away, but he has already entwined his fingers, he was pulling my head up, forcing me to look him in the eye. He pushed my hair gently from over my eyes. I tried to get away from him, but he had a good hold on my hair, and I knew that it would just inflict a lot of pain on myself. "Just because my brother would not allow my way with you, does not mean I do not succeed in the task. You are not safe from me, you will never be safe from me mudblood" he kissed me hard on the mouth, tears leaked steadily from my eyes

"Please" he chuckled at the feeble word,

"You can't escape from me" I tried to struggle away from him, he slapped me hard around the face, I winced with the sting. I tried to get in a position that I could kick him or something, but then I remembered by hands.

I moved them to his crotch; he closed his eyes obviously thinking I was going to do something nice. Then however he let out a yell of pain as I punched him with all my might, his fingers detangled out of my hair, then I got up and blindly ran, I did not know where I was going, and I did not care.

I banged into somebody, I did not care who it was, I just wrapped my arms around the figure "What...?" a male voice spoke, he patted my back awkwardly "You shouldn't be out of bed" I looked up, trying to make out his face with my drowned eyes, it was Jeff Remolgon, a Gryffindor prefect "He... he..." I could not speak,

"It's Louise isn't it?" I nodded shakily "What's happened?" he put a finger to my cheek where Regulus had slapped me, it was obviously red

"Reg... Regulus.... Black... he... he"

"Did, he attack you?" I nodded "Common, I'll take you back to the common room, then I'll sort that little bastard out" he put his arm round my shoulders and steered me back to the Gryffindor common room.

He uttered the password and then lead me into the warm common room "Louise!" I heard James and Jeff handed me over to James as he left to do his prefect duties, I buried myself into him crying, leaving eyeliner marks on his t shirt "What's happened?" I took deep breaths and told him from when I left the bathroom. He hugged me tighter afterwards, "Sirius just went up to your dorm, he wanted to go and find you. I nodded, and soon enough Sirius came down the girls' dorm steps "James! I can't... LOUISE!" he yelled running up to me and hugging me "where have you... what the fuck!?" he put his fingers gently on my cheek, I swallowed suddenly almost fearing him

"It doesn't matter Sirius... I'm going to bed" I made to go to the girls' dorms by Sirius held me back

"Louise, what happened?" I breathed mustering all my strength not to burst into tears again

"Your brother's a dick, good night"

"Wait, wait" Sirius held me in front of him "what happened, I want to know, did my brother do this to you? Where have you been? What have you been doing? Did my brother come onto you today? Why didn't you come back here if you couldn't find me?"

"JUST SHUT UP SIRIUS!" I screamed at him then ran but James caught me I slipped out of his hands and just collapsed onto the floor crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I just said over and over again, Sirius hugged me telling me it was alright, I held onto him, shaking against him.

James told him everything I had said. Sirius was about to get up, obviously the find his brother but I kept hold of him; I did not want to be left alone "Ok. Lou it's ok, babe, I want you to not go anywhere on your own, especially at night, please, promise me" I nodded, I did not want to go anywhere with that snake around.

Sirius lifted me up and carried me to his dorm. He put me down on his bed and straight away I curled up to the head board, Sirius sat next to me wrapping his arms tightly around me "You're safe" he whispered into my ear, I snuggled into him, making myself small, he wrapped his arms tighter around me, I snuggled further into his chest.

"You're safe Lou, no-one can hurt you now; you're safe" I closed my eyes trying to make myself fall asleep but I just kept having images of Regulus holding me rather than Sirius. "Siri, don't let him near me, please don't let him do it"

"Shhhh" he rocked me in his arms, soothing me "It's ok, it's ok, nothing will happen to you, it's the summer soon, and you won't have to look at him or see him or pass him or anything" the summer... I will have to see that bastard probably, but I will survive, I am doing it for Sirius, fear and reason has to be forgotten this summer if my plan is to pull off.

I didn't sleep that night, and Sirius did not seem to want to leave me on my own. Once everyone had gone to bed and it was quite early in the morning, we got up, got dressed and went for a long jog. We went around the lake a few times then decided to go around the quiddich pitch.

We did not expect anybody to be there, however when we got onto the itch we saw somebody lazily flying about, yet, their style and skill was perfect. The rider saw us and sped down, Sirius seemed to know who it was, I however could only guess with the way he seemed to hold onto me.

"Why hello there brother, I see you have allowed your little pet out before daylight" I tensed hearing his voice

"Come on Louise; let's go back to the common room"

"Oh no, why don't you go off for a fly and I shall have a little talk with her" he smiled evilly

"I know what you did last night, a prefect caught her, she told him everything and then he and Louise told James and James told me, so do not try and fool me Regulus Orion Alphard Sirius Black" Regulus flinched at his full name, obviously it was not usually used.

"Siri, can we go please?" I tugged at his sleeve, he nodded but sparks flew just to the right of me, narrowly missing the side of me head, Sirius' temper exploded. He twisted so fast that he almost knocked me over, extending his want he flew a curse at his brother which knocked him cleanly off his feet, the broom he was holding flew out of his hand and his wand was caught by Sirius. Ropes snaked out of Sirius' wand and twirled themselves around the wriggling boy on the floor. Finely Sirius muttered a curse at Regulus' broom, it turned a flash of green then the broom lay motionless on the floor.


	16. the plan swings into motion

Chapter 16 (LF)

We got back to the common room where Sirius sat down; I snuggled into his chest shaking slightly "It's ok; he won't be coming near you for a while, if he knows what's good for him" I said nothing, just burying myself deeper into him "What did you do to his broom?"

"It now won't fly, it's just a normal broom now, you know, the sweeping type" I looked at him smiling slightly.

Days went and soon enough it was the holidays, my plan was to swing into action a few days into the summer holidays, the more I thought about it the more I worried it would not work, but I had to try, just for Sirius' sake, I loved him and would do anything for him, so it was time to pack up the stuff and make sure I knew exactly what I was going to do.

The school year ended and we were on the train heading back home, I was curled up to Sirius wishing he did not have to go back to his family, it wasn't fair, but I knew I would have to let him go in an hour, but I would see him soon enough, but I just wish I did not have to leave him. I snuggled deeper into his chest while thinking about how long I had to leave him for. He hugged me tighter, feeling my fear and tension.

I played with a loose strand on his pale blue shirt, while he hugged me close to him, I had tucked my knees to my chest vaguely leaning over him, so he had one of his hands on my knee. I looked up at him almost pleading with him not to go. He looked back apologetically, knowing what I wanted for him to do, but he, knowing he could not give me that one wish.

As the train journey got near the end I still did not want to let Sirius go; what if he was killed before I got to him? What if he got badly hurt? What if he couldn't escape? It was all the, what if this happened? What if that happened? I was scared, and I think Sirius could sense that. He tightened his grip around me and he kissed the top of my head.

Soon enough the train was pulling into the platform at kings cross, I saw James' parents, and I also saw Mr and Mrs. Black, I looked down into my lap, Sirius would be going there, and, going through hell, why did a boy so perfect have to go through all of that? We got off the train and I hugged Sirius tightly trying to make sure he was out of the sight of his parents. "Please come home soon"

"Of course I will babe, I won't leave you alone with James for too long; you may turn into him" I giggled still hugging him tightly, I kissed him quickly on the lips then I kissed him for a little longer on the cheek "See you soon Siri" he smiled and turned around, his smile faltered quickly once he started walking towards his so called family. I walked to Mr. and Mrs. Potter a tear trailing down my cheek, it hurt to see Sirius that sad.

Mrs. Potter hugged me "He'll be ok love" I went into the hug, not sure whether to believe her. We went back to the Potter's house; James and I went upstairs to unpack. I stopped half way through, sensing tension downstairs. I snuck down to the lounge hiding myself from view "...to work it out for herself, they're in love Joanna, and he has to go back to his parents for a while"

"But how is it fair on him, he has to go there, and then she has to worry about him, it's not fair on either of them, he's such a lovely boy, couldn't we adopt him, we could show how much they abuse him"

"It's not that simple, Jo you know it is not that simple"

"Why can't it be, he comes to us on the verge of death, I don't know what Louise will do, what if he's literally about to die when he turns up... Louise won't cope; we all know that, we all know she's been to hell and back" I snuck back upstairs to carry on unpacking.

I was sitting on my bed reading a transfiguration book a while later when somebody knocked on the door. "Come in" I said brightly

"Hi" it was James

"Are you alright James?" he nodded sitting down next to me "What's the matter" there was something up, he never just spoke one word, he looked upset and there was an air around him that was full of tension and pain.

He lunged into a long story about girls and grades and stuff. I tried to listen but it was quite hard, it was just a lode of gibberish, that made no sense I just kept nodding and smiling sympathetically, he worried about the smallest of things and made them into a big deal, when they were nothing all I could think of was...

"....and there's Sirius, I'm sure you're worried about him as well, but I just can't stop thinking about it"

Exactly what I was thinking. I nodded turning away from him he put his arm around me "I guess that's a sensitive issue" I got up off the bed, away from James; I could not talk about Sirius, he was probably going through hell, while I was here, in a loving family; it drove me insane.

A few days later and I was getting ready to go out, no one was going with me, and this was the day Sirius may smile while at home, that's if this worked.

I checked the clothes I was wearing were 'suitable' and checked my pockets to make sure I had what I needed. Then I left using the fire.

I arrived at a small wizarding pub and left quickly so the smoke would not get on me, I walked down the road until I got to the house numbered 11, I read from a sheet out load and a large oak door appeared from in between number 11 and 13. I took a vial out of my pocket and drank a small mouthful of the disgusting tasting stuff. I felt everything in my body shift, and my bones cracking and everything. It was a horrible sensation. I looked in an almost dried up puddle to check my reflection; perfect.

I knocked on the door; three sharp knocks, then I heard a scurry on the other side of the door, it opened to show a fearful house elf, "Miss Black!" it squeaked

"CREATURE!" Mrs. Black came to the door and gave a small smile "My darling niece, what may bring you here?"

"Sirius, actually, I just wanted to talk to him" my voice was identical to Narcissa's.

"Oh, my dear, I'm afraid he is a little busy at the moment"

"Oh please aunty, please can I just see him for a little while"

"Oh, ok, but not too long" I smiled in a Narcissa way and went up stairs.

Now it was trying to find Sirius' room, but lucky for me I went up the next lot of stairs and there, in front of me was his name in a black placard. I knocked, and then went in and what I saw almost made me break down. There on the floor was Sirius, he had no shirt on with blood running down his back, and then I felt my body changing back, changing back to my original form. "Sirius!" I shouted, but quietly, he groaned trying to get up, I rushed to his side. His face was mostly purple and red, his eyes were swollen "L..." he couldn't speak easily; tears streaked down my face "Oh Sirius, what have they done to you!" I heard footsteps on the stairs, so took a gulp of the potion. I changed and in a matter of seconds after I had stood up the door burst open to show a fierce but kind looking man "Siri..." this is a member of the family I did not know of, I started to get nervous "Narcissa"

"Yes" I tried to keep the fear out of my voice

"Who are you? Because you are not my daughter" his voice was calm, soft and kind but I was scared, he was a Black "Erm... sir"

"Don't worry; I'm Alphard, about the only Black left that cares for Sirius"

"I'm Sirius' girlfriend, I didn't know I'd find him like this" I broke down

"Well let's get him out of here eh?" I nodded, Alphard dislodged a brick in Sirius' room and the bricks moved to make a hole that lead down a passage way.

I grabbed the stuff I could around the room throwing it into his barely unpacked trunk, Sirius' uncle used his wand to make the trunk the size of a very small book and I picked it up, he picked up Sirius and we trooped down the passage way, it quickly went back to a wall and Mr. Black lit his wand and got me to hold it. In a matter of minutes we were outside where I whispered "Knox" to put the wand's light out. Alphard gripped my upper arm firmly, and span, I felt like I was going through a tube, I could not breathe; I thought I was not able to breathe. Then it was over and we were in front of the Potters'. If it was not for Alphard's grip on my arm I would have fallen over.

I went to the front door and knocked as loudly as I could, James opened it "Louise where...!" he stopped seeing Sirius on the man's back "MUM!" he yelled back into the house.

Alphard put Sirius onto the sofa nodded his head and then walked out "Mr. Black, thank you" I was now back to my original state "He's my nephew, and I care for him" I nodded then went back into the lounge where Sirius was on his front, with Mr. and Mrs. Potter tending to the injuries on his back. I broke down in tears and ran to my room. I threw myself onto my bed crying beating my bed with my legs "Louise..." I felt a hand on the middle of my back. I threw myself at James crying into his chest while he rubbed my back "How... c...could...Th....they ...d...do...tha....that...t...to...hi...him"

"I don't know Louise, they are evil people" I shook in his arms chocking back sobs

"Please let him be ok, please, please"

"Lou, he'll be fine, I promise Lou, he'll be fine, I promise, I will be ok, I promise you" after James rocking me for a while my sobs ceased.

I leaned into his arms trying to get what I got from Sirius, but of course it did not work, but I still felt the safety from James that a good friend could give.

I fell asleep in his arms exhausted after everything that had happened over the day.

I awoke in bed; I was still dressed in the witch's robes that I had worn the day before, the sun was rising giving a dim raise of sunlight trickling into my room. I rubbed my eyes, they felt sore... and then I remembered what had happened the day before.

I showered as quickly as possible, threw a pair of joggers... they were James' but still I threw them on, and a t-shirt. I then rushed down stairs to the living room. Sirius was lying on his back, he uttered small moans in his sleep, but otherwise he was silent. His face was now only red, the bruises had gone, and his chest was covered in bandages.

He looked awful.

Mrs. Potter was sleeping in an armchair a few feet away from Sirius' sleeping figure. I silently crept towards Sirius, and knelt down next to him "Oh baby" I whispered staring at his slightly swollen face "What did they do to you?" I was not going above a whisper; scared of waking him and Mrs. Potter.

A few tears glided down my cheek as I looked at Sirius. He kept whimpering in his sleep, I gently took his hand in mine, I stroked over his slightly bruised knuckles with my thumb, resting my head next to his.


	17. first date

Chapter 17

Within a few weeks Sirius was a lot better. His face was back to normal apart from a scar just above his eye, his knuckles were no longer bruised, he had most of his strength back, and I was happy that I could be in his arms again.

We were now sleeping in the same room, we had not done anything, apart from sleep and cuddle into each other, we both knew that we would not be going to do anymore at this point in our relationship, we respected each other and did not want to do anything we could possibly regret, until we knew we were both old enough and ready to commit ourselves to that.

Sirius got out of bed before me, his naked back showing me the pain he had received a few weeks before, I shivered averting my eyes away from his back. "You alright Lou?" I nodded smiling at his concerned face, I shuffled over to him and hugged him from behind then kissed his cheek. He smiled back then stood up to have a shower.

I snuggled back down into bed not wanting to get up, I was just dosing back off into a nice peaceful sleep when I felt somebody sit on my legs which jolted me from my sleep, it was James "Louise, where's Sirius?"

"Shower" I mumbled trying to kick him off my legs

"Oh right, you gonna be coming down to breakfast?"

"Yeah in a minute, but can u get your heavy arse off my legs" James laughed and got up, then he left the room leaving me to it.

About ten minutes later Sirius came out of the bathroom with a towel around his thin waste, he got a pair of boxers out of a draw and got his light blue jeans and a black polo shirt. He put his clothes on and took the covers off of me "Oi!" I cried out

"Common babe! Up you get" he laughed at me, I gave him an evil look as I put my head under the pillow, then Sirius nicked the pillow from out of my hands, then he lifted me up out of bed "Oi! Sirius!" I complained as I dived under the bed as soon as he let go of me. I went out the other side and made it to the bathroom before Sirius could comprehend what had happened. I stripped off and got into the steaming shower.

About 20 minutes later I stepped into my room, my hair dripping wet twisting into ringlets, Sirius pointed his wand at me and my hair dried "You'll get into trouble if you keep using magic"

"It's not like they can tell it's me, James' parents use magic all the time, they can't trace who does magic, they can just trace where" I shrugged, grabbed my clothes and put them on.

I put my make up on and Sirius put the straightening charm on my hair, I smiled in thanks as I ran my hand over my hair making it a bit messier. Sirius shook his head laughing at me, I gave him a playful mean glare and we went down to the kitchen hand in hand.

About an hour later me and Sirius went into the garden, James was out there filling the paddling pool, he was in swim shorts; his shirt was hanging over the back of one of the deck chairs. Then I had a thought "James, James, James, have you got some tarpaulin or something?"

"Err, yeah I have, why?" he asked suspiciously

"Can you get it? Please, please, please!"

"Ok, ok" James disappeared down to the bottom of the garden.

I went back into the house dragging Sirius with me, we got to our room and I grabbed his swim shorts, and then grabbed my bikini. I went into the bathroom to get changed and then shoved on a skirt.

When I got out Sirius had his shorts on and we went down stairs again, "Joanna, can we use the washing up liquid please!" I said in an excited voice when we got into the kitchen

"Yes of course you can, what are you going to do with it?"

"A water slide!" I said grabbing the washing up liquid from behind the sink.

We went outside and James had laid out the tarpaulin in the middle of the garden. "Ok what are we doing?" James asked, he had gone back to filling up the paddling pool "Water slide!" I shouted excitedly, both Sirius and James rolled their eyes "Common! It'll be fun!"

"Ok, ok".

Within ten minutes the boys were having more fun than I was, it was nice to see Sirius laughing again; he kept throwing me down the water, washing up liquid tarpaulin slide. We dragged an old plastic slide that used to be James' and put it into the paddling pool.

We spent hours out in the garden with the hose, squirting each other, throwing each other down the slide, jumping into the paddling pool (James almost broke his neck because he tried to dive head first into the paddling pool).

We went in just before dinner to get clean and dry, after dinner we went into the lounge and all just crashed out, but the day had been so fun and we had all enjoyed ourselves.

Remus joined us the next week and we spent our time in the garden and planning pranks, it was all a laugh and every night we all went to bed exhausted, it was the best summer so far I thought. The older we got the more immature we became, it was so much fun.

I was stretched out on the grass in my bikini while the boys played around me, I had been up since seven in the morning, it was two o clock and I was starting to get really tired. It was hot as well, and I wanted to get a tan, so I was just laying there listening to the boys laughter "Oi Lou quit being lazy and come here" Sirius' voice drifted from over the top of me "Meh, I'm tired leave me alone to sun bathe" I mumbled trying to flap him out of the sun. Sirius laughed and pulled me up by my arms.

"Siri! Leave me alone, I wanna sun bathe!" I moaned at him, so he put me back down, I just settled down when icy water hit me with force "Sirius!" I screamed jumping up dripping wet, all three boys howled with laughter, and then I chased after Sirius, still with them all laughing. We got around the paddling pool and I tipped it up spilling the whole content over Sirius' head. "Now who's laughing!" I cried at him laughing as he lunged at me knocking me over. We scrabbled on the floor for a while until Mr. Potter came out and said "Ok you two quit flirting and help with lunch" we both laughed and got up, all four of us trooping into the kitchen to set up for lunch.

A few weeks later, we got our Hogwarts letters, the book list was not very exciting; they were all just the next step up from the ones we had got the previous year. I also knew the diagon ally trip would be pretty boring to be honest, as I did not need to get anything that was of any excitement, the year would be pretty boring as well, yes we would actually bother to go to Hogsmeed this year, but I had been the previous year ones with the boys, it was not overly exciting, yes it was exciting in the fact that it had a good prank shop and it was away from the school, but I suppose I could go in with Sirius sometime together, on our own.

I knew summer was drawing to a close, we had OWLs next year, I knew I wouldn't cope I had this year to try and get everything up to grade and everything, otherwise I knew I would fail them... big time.

We had all gone to Diagon ally, I had slipped my hand into Sirius' and we were walking to the book shop, he kept looking down at me concerned, I thought nothing of it; it was just Sirius being Sirius. While we were in the book shop I was thinking about the school year, and thinking about how it would be my last year of being free of important exams. "What is up?" Sirius asked looking down into my eyes when I looked up

"Nothing... what gave you the impression I was upset?" I said innocently

"Babe... the way you are, you're just so quiet and you just seem so upset... I wanna know what the matter is" he stroked my cheek softly holding my gaze until I had to look away "Nothing, honest, I'm fine, I've just got stuff on my mind, but it's not important, honestly" I told the floor

"Common" he whispered something to James, gave James the books we had in our hands, passed him some galleons and then left, dragging me behind him by my hand.

He sat me down at the ice cream parlour and went to get ice creams and butter bears. He sat down with the food and drinks in his hands and put mine in front of me "Babe, you're gonna spill whether you want to or not" I grumbled at him, he shook his head

"It's just about the summer finishing, it's nothing, honest"

"I think it's more than you're letting on" he said seriously

"Siri, I mean it babe, it's nothing, it's just knowing this is the last year we're going to be able to properly muck around, next year it's our OWLs, as I said, I'm worrying over nothing... it's not like I even know what I want to do when I leave Hogwarts"

"You'll know when you know, and this is not going to be the last year we muck around, oh no, we're going to be mucking around long after that, mark my words" he smiled at me

"Sirius?"

"Yeah Lou?"

"We haven't... you know... been on a date yet" I chewed my lip wondering what his reaction would be

"That is a point isn't it? We haven't... we must do that, before we go back to school and during school, maybe in Hogsmeed or something" I smiled nodding. Sirius got up and came round to me and hugged me, I melted into his embrace feeling like I had not hugged him in years.

That night I curled into Sirius, I just wanted to be so close to him, every second without him felt like eternity, I wanted to be with him forever and never let him go; I never wanted him to let me go either.

A few days before we had to go back to school, Sirius and I went into the muggle town that was not too far away from Godric's Hollow. Sirius took me to this small, very pretty and cosy Italian restaurant (ok it was a little more than that; I had had to put on my best clothes for it). We sat down and Sirius had got the best table in the restaurant, right by the window, out of the way of everybody else. He smiled at me as we got the menus. Sirius looked blankly at the menu for a few minutes before he said in a hushed tone " I have no idea what any of this food is... I never learnt Italian" I laughed quietly at him then said to him

"You'll probably like, the, house soup... then... pizza to share?" I asked

"Yeah, that sounds cool" he smiled at me.

"Are you ready to order?" a waiter came over to us

"Yes please, could we both have to house soup to start, and the chef's special for main please?" the waiter nodded

"Ok, and what wine would you like with that" Sirius looked slightly scared but I covered for him

"Erm... could we have the Rose` please"

"Certainly" the waiter walked away.

"Lou, wine?"

"Well we might as well, if they knew we were under age, they would kick us out anyway, so we might as well"

"Ok ok I get your point" he smiled at me and played with my foot with his foot, I giggled but cut it short when the waiter came back with the wine and an ice bucket "Who will have the first taste?"

"Lou?"

"Yeah I will" I smiled politely as the waiter set down a glass and poured a slither of the pink coloured liquid, I took a sip and felt the beautiful vintage trail down my throat "Perfect" I smiled, the waiter set Sirius' glass down and filled the two glasses up to the correct measure, then set the bottle into the ice bucket and left.

"Wow" Sirius exclaimed tasting the wine, I smiled at him

"Nice isn't it?"

"I've had wine with my parents, and I thought that was good, I never realised that rose` could be even nicer" I laughed at him quietly.

I slipped my shoe off and ran my foot up his trouser leg, he smiled at me in a loving and mischievous look "You know you could get me in trouble doing that"

"Oh how? By doing this?" I ran my leg higher to his inner thigh, he strangled out a hushed moan

"Don't" he complained, I giggled then stopped knowing I did not want to get him that way in a public place; that was just plain mean.

Our soup arrived and was absolutely wonderful; it was leak and coriander with parmesan sprinkled on top, it was heaven in a bowl. Ok not completely... that was what Sirius was for. We finished our soups and then carried on chatting about random stuff. Our main course came out and it was the best pizza I had ever tasted, it was wonderful. We talked about going back to school over the pizza and talking of any pranks we had thought of... half of them were absolutely ludicrous... nailing Filch's cat Mrs. Norris to the hall doors for example, would definantly never happen.

Just sitting like this, having a laugh on my own with Sirius, it was what I wanted forever and ever. We had paid and got up to leave. We left hand in hand and walking along the road, I wanted to stay in his arms, always able to walk down a dark road with him, it was so peaceful and he made me feel so safe. I loved being with him, and I wanted this to last forever

Little did I know what the path lay ahead.


	18. a beautiful night

Chapter 18 LF

The time of school was yet again upon us.

I packed the rest of my stuff and looked around the almost unlived in looking room. The bed striped of its clothing, the floor with nothing on it; just showing the bare wood, the now empty walls (I was taking all my posters to Hogwarts) Sirius came into the room "All packed?"

"Yeah, just finished" Sirius smiled hugged me then lifted up my trunk effortlessly. I giggled knowing if I had attempted that it would not have worked.

Nothing happened on the train journey, nothing happened first few days of school. Even the small pranks we did were a little lame, mainly done on first years.

I was sitting in front of the fire and Sirius plopped down next to me "Hey, what's up?" I put my hand on his arm "It don't matter, feel like a walk?" I nodded and we got up making our way round the castle and around the grounds.

"I ain't told you something, and I feel bad for keeping it from you" I looked at him puzzled

"What is it?"

"Remus... I've known for years... just forgot to tell you I suppose... he's a werewolf" I looked at him shocked

"He what?" it did not quite register with me at first all I had registered was 'Remus' and 'werewolf' and that did not seem to make sense. "He changes, at full moon"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I felt a little hurt it seemed like all the guys knew but had just conveniently forgot, to tell me

"I suppose I didn't really think... sorry Lou" I shook my head

"Don't worry about it" I smiled unable to tell Sirius how hurt I felt, I don't know why it hurt I just suppose being lied to for years just kind of hurt.

My anger ebbed away after a few hours though, I could never be angry at the boys for too long... I felt too mean. I took a walk just after hours, I just wandered around. Dodging prefects until I got to where the room of requirements lay.

I sat down on the sofa that stood in the middle of the room, nothing else was there but a black sofa, I sat down, and burst into tears; I don't know why I just got overwhelmed with emotion and burst it out all at once, my past leaked out, my love leaked out and the hurt from being lied to for so long freely flowed down my cheeks. I curled up on the sofa feeling more alone than I had ever felt since arriving at Hogwarts.

After a while I could not cry any more, my whole body trembled as I chocked back sobs. Then I felt completely drained and fell asleep where I was.

I awoke to the empty room, I was completely alone and then I remembered where I had gone and not left, I got up and stretched out then left the room to have a shower. I looked out of a window on my way to one of the shared bathrooms, and the moon shone... full moon.

I don't know whether it was my imagination but I also thought I heard a howl... Remus, suddenly I felt awful for leaving the boys that evening. I quickly took the shower and rushed back to the Gryffindor common room. Unsurprisingly it was empty; I looked at the clock that stood in the corner... three o clock in the morning.

I rushed up the boys' stairs and carefully opened their door. Sirius was sitting on his bed looking slightly worried, his head snapped around to look at the door when he heard it open "Lou!"

"Sorry, needed a walk"

"I was worried about you... what if you were..." his voice trailed off unable to say it

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't realise, I was in the room of requirements, I only just realised" I looked down hoping that my eyes were not red and puffy from crying... I knew the sleep probably had sorted that, but I could not help feeling conscious about it. "Are you okay?" he asked shuffling towards me

"Yeah, yeah I'm ok, are you?" I looked into his eyes ones he was in front of me

"Yeah, just keep hearing Remus, always hurts when I heard him" he had turned the volume on his voice down so much I could barely hear him, I nodded before leaning against him, I felt ashamed, lonely, betrayed, tired, confused, I didn't know how I felt "Are you sure you're ok Lou?"

"I don't know anymore" he rubbed my back before picking me up and putting me down on his bed.

I put my arms around my knees not lying down; Sirius sat down next to me and put an arm around me pulling me into him "I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter babe, your safe, that's all that matters" I closed my eyes as I leant into him, relaxing into his embrace, "Lou, I love you"

"I love you too" and with that I fell asleep in his strong arms.

I awoke to somebody nudging me, I swiped the hand away however it did not leave "Go `way" I mumbled

"You've got to get up" I heard Sirius, I grumbled

"Why?" I complained

"School"

"No" Sirius picked me up and placed me on my feet, holding me until I was steady

"Go on, have a shower and get changed" I grumbled but did as I was told.

School. Boring lessons. All day I was writing notes of whatever the teachers were droning on about. At third period I just dropped my head on the desk, Sirius put his hand between my shoulder blades rubbing gently "Only two lessons and its lunch" he whispered into my ear, I groaned, he laughed quietly

"Miss Felm are you paying attention?" Slughorn asked sternly, I looked up

"Yeah" I said tiredly

"What am I talking about then?" I groaned

"Potions?" I asked

"What kind of potions?" I looked to Sirius for help he mouthed at me 'Remus'

"Erm... the... potion... to... stop a werewolf becoming too aggressive... well the development of that potion"

"Well done" and Slughorn turned away again; I breathed a sigh of relief

"Thank you" I whispered to Sirius, he smiled and put his hand on my leg.

End of the day came and I was stretched out on the sofa in the common room, James walked in looking tired

"Where have you been?"

"Erm... just walking"

"To see Remus?"

"He's with his grandma" James looked edgy

"Sirius has already told me about him, don't lie to me!" I cried out standing up, James looked around; fear covering his handsome features "I don't get you! Why didn't you just tell me! You even told Peter! He barely hangs around with us!"

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, I turned and stomped up to the girls' dormitory stairs.

I threw myself on my bed flicking the hangings closed with my wand, tears fell onto my pillow as they flowed fast and freely from my eyes "Louise?" I heard one of the girls from my dorm call out, I heard my hangings being opened "What's the matter?" I looked up to see the red haired Lily Evens that James fantasised about so much, I wiped away the tears quickly "It doesn't matter" I tried to make my voice even, but it didn't work.

"Is it Sirius?" it was common knowledge around the school me and Sirius were together

"No, not really no, it's... James" I stopped before I spilled everything to the intelligent female that I shared a dorm with when I actually bothered to sleep here, which was not often, Lily laughed quietly "James is a dick... I don't know why you bother with him"

"His parents took me in, when my parents found out about Hogwarts they went ballistic, told me I was never going to go, told me I wasn't a freak"

"Sounds like my parents" I frowned

"What do you mean?"

"Well it wasn't my parents, more my sister, my parents were over joyed, my sister however..."

"Don't like it?" Lily nodded, I breathed out

"You feeling better now?" I nodded

"Thanks, I feel calmer, I know that" I smiled at Lily and she left me alone.

A few weeks went by and Sirius came up to me in the afternoon of a Friday night in October. "Want to come for a walk?" he smiled sweetly

"Yeah, sure, why not?" I stood up and he took my hand. We went out of the main doors onto the grounds, he lead me towards the forbidden forest, I gulped, everyone knew that the forbidden forest had dangers "Why are we... going into the forest?" I asked slightly scared

"You'll see" he smiled down at me and put his arm protectively around my shoulders.

We walked for a while in the forest, the trees looming around me, as we went deeper the less light got through the trees thick leaves, soon all I could see was a few feet in front of me, Sirius lit his wand, however managed to put some kind of dimming charm on it, because it did not let as much light out as it normally did. Even with Sirius next to me, I still felt a little scared, I had never gone this far into the forest before, yeah, sure we had been on the outskirts on the forest, but, never this far into the heart of the forbidden grounds.

After what felt like ages, I saw flickering light in front of me to the side a bit, I looked at Sirius confused but he just kept going steering me towards the light, there where the light was, was a clearing, all leaves and twigs had been cleared, a few tree stumps were around but it was a nice cosy clearing. Candles had been put on the tree stumps and in the trees themselves, it sent an eerie, yet warm glow around. A little gap in the canopy of trees above showed that it was already dark and some stars were twinkling above us. "Sirius... this..." Sirius put his finger to my lips halting the rest of my sentence. He kissed me with more passion I had ever felt.

"I love you Louise" he said seriously, I licked my lips still tasting his lips on them; butterbeer, chocolate, mint. It tasted as Sirius always did, and it lingered on my lips like the words he spoke.

"I love you too Sirius, I never want you to leave me".

We talked, kissed and laughed under the stars; it felt wonderful; I was being held by Sirius again how he used to hold me. I sighed while in his arms, realising we had been gradually drifting apart, and to have him on my own again had to make me realise it. "I love you Siri" I mumbled into his shirt

"I love you too, I always will" I closed my eyes letting his scent make me drift off into my own land, a land of me and Sirius together, with nobody to hurt us or jeopardise us.

"We need to spend time on our own more often" I stated

"Yeah, I know what you mean... we haven't quite been as together as we used to be have we?" I shook my head, he knew what I meant and that I knew we both felt the same.

A few more hours we lay together watching the twinkling galaxies that were far beyond us. Sirius got up holding his hand out for me to take "Common, we've got to go" I grumbled but took his hand anyway, but tried to pull him down again "Ah ah, no we've got to get back to the school"  
"That's reality, I don't like reality"

"Aww baby" he laughed quietly pulling me up ones he had stood.

We walked back to the castle hand in hand, I looked up to the stars every so often, they were twinkling softly- nothing could go wrong in an atmosphere such as this; it was heaven.


	19. nightmare

Chapter 19

A few days later had the boring lessons and all of that stuff you know, the boring stuff, it was late when I got back, just before curfew, I had not seen the boys since last lesson which was strange for them, they never skipped dinner, ever.

I got into the common room and saw James, Sirius and Remus all staring into the fire looking sombre, I walked over to them and stated "it's not good to skip meals, it's not use scolding me for missing meals then not go yourselves" I got no reply, it almost seemed like they had not heard me "what's up?" Sirius looked at James who was just staring at the fire, it appeared as if he was not really in the room but in a far off land with dementors that had just sucked out his soul.

Remus finally answered my question, "James had an owl... Mr Potter has been killed" at that James left, I didn't know what had been said, I didn't get it, Mr Potter... dead, how? I didn't know whether to cry or scream, I didn't know whether I should smack Remus for telling me. It was just a practical joke right? It had to be, Mr Potter couldn't die... he was invincible, he was a bloody Auror, he just cannot die. It was a prank it was, it had to be.

Sirius was watching me to see how I would react "that's just a sick joke" I went to leave but Sirius grabbed my arm to stop me, "you know full well we wouldn't joke about this, he's as good as my dad and he pretty much is your dad, James needs us now more than ever, we all need to be there for him" I looked at him

"So you're serious?"

"Yes Louise, we wouldn't joke about this kinda thing" Remus uttered back, I sat between the two boys

"Sorry", I was sorry but I still didn't know what to do, he was like a father to me "what's happening, like funeral and stuff"

"We don't know yet, I suppose another owl will be sent, or Dumbledore will find out and we will be told" I looked down at my lap, fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of my school skirt

"Why?" I didn't understand, why him? How had it happened? I wanted to explode

"I don't know" Sirius put his arm around me, I didn't know if I wanted comforting or whether I wanted to be alone, I looked at him; I wanted guidance; I wanted to know what to do, Sirius wiped a loose tear from my cheek bone

"Why him? Why now?" Sirius held me harder pulling me into him, but I got up and ran up the boys steps.

I found James stood at the window, I slowed to a walk and stopped next to him, I looked to the night sky then to him my eyes clouded by tears, he looked to me and put his arm out, I went into him staining his jumper with tears, he rested my chin on the top of my head and I felt wet on my scalp as he allowed tears to trail down his cheeks "I'm sorry James" I choked

"Don't be, we couldn't control this" his voice was shaky, but more in control than mine.

I don't know how long me and James stayed still but I didn't particularly care, he understood better than Sirius, that's how I felt anyway, it probably wasn't true to be honest, but I felt more hurt than I thought Sirius new, and I felt James may understand and consol me more than Sirius could right now.

"Louise" I heard a voice behind me

"Heya" I said feebly, James let go of me and shuffled off to his bed sniffling slightly

"Why you run off?" Sirius wrapped his arms around my waist

"Don't know" I mumbled, I turned to look at him "I wanna be here for James"

"We all do babe" he hugged me tight, I went into the hug but it didn't give the comfort it normally would have, my brain was too muddled.

Sirius walked me over to the bed and we curled up together. I didn't sleep that night I just kept thinking about Mr Potter, and what possibly could have happened and that I never really got to know him he just always tried to be fatherly to me, but we hadn't had the time to see it properly, he had just kind of been a shadow around looking out for us all.

We all went into the rest of the weeks classes silent, the halls were prank free, and we felt the whole school knew something was wrong within our group, we hadn't told anyone apart from a few friends such as Lily, Frank had obviously overheard us to, but apart from that no-one else appeared to know what was up with us. I spent my spare time in the library or common room doing homework and extra work to practice some of the skills, I even gained permission from Slughorn to practice potions in his classroom outside of class hours. I was doing anything to put my mind off of Mr Potter and how upset James was, he just wasn't the same.

We all got called to Professor Dumbledore's office at the end of the week "I am very sorry for the loss you have all had to go through, I have found out the funeral is happening on Monday, therefore this evening I have arranged for you to be transported by flew powder this evening at 8 o clock, this is for you to be there for Mrs Potter and to help with the arrangements, we as a staff has realised you are not particularly focusing at school so a time away may be good for you all. Go get packed for the weekend and come back here for ten to eight" we trooped out of the office and went to get packed.

I packed my dress robes and a few muggle clothes to get me through the weekend and a few days after in my school bag, and shrunk a few books too so I didn't fall behind in any homework. After packing I went down to the common room to do a bit of work before we had to leave, Sirius came and sat behind me with his legs either side of me, he rubbed my back as I carried on working, he didn't disturb me apart from that.

Eight o clock came and all four of us were making our way up the steps to Dumbledore's office with our bags for the weekend, none of us were looking forward to this, we all knew that, but, we had to go, we all loved Mr Potter.

I got settled in the large room that I always used while at the Potters, Sirius was with me sat on the bed watching me put our clothes away. James was downstairs with his mother. She was crying and James was in the same sombre way he had been since we had heard the news. I could not watch the upset so had gone upstairs; I had cried enough.

Later that night I was getting ready for bed while Sirius was snuggling up, I wasn't particularly tired but felt obliged to go to bed for Sirius, I laid with my back against his chest and he fell asleep very quickly, I heard is quiet snoring, so silently slipped from his grasp, I couldn't sleep, I watched the world go by outside the window of the old wizarding house, the world was so far away from the reality I felt I was living.

I heard a creek but ignored it, was probably Remus or James going to bed "Lou" a whisper came from the door, I looked round

"Hey, Sirius is asleep" he nodded "you ok?" he looked sheepish, I knew he wasn't but it was polite to ask, he came over to me so I hugged him "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to go through any of this" I stroked the back of his neck playing with the short hairs at the back.

I went to kiss his cheek before pulling away, but he had caught my lips.


	20. the nightmare told

_**Chapter 20**_

I spent a while in the bathroom, hoping Sirius would get bored of waiting for me. In that time I had a shower; the steaming hot water pounding at every inch of my body. I stepped out grabbing a towel and drying myself off. I left the bathroom... to my relief Sirius had gone, I got clothes; black jeans, and a white polo neck style t-shirt. I pulled them on then went down the hall.

I knocked on a door, then heard "Come in" being called from the other side of the oak door. I opened the door before closing it quickly behind me; I looked over to the figure sitting on the bed pulling on black socks, taking in his thin toned chest that was showing behind his undone shirt "What's up?"

"Erm... well, erm..." he patted the space next to him, I hesitated

"Lou... what's happened"

"Remus... it..." I looked at Remus fearfully

"You can tell me anything... you know that" I nodded before sitting next to him

"Ok, well it wasn't meant to happen I promise, it was just a wrong moment thing, James was upset I went to kiss his cheek, it wasn't meant to happen I promise, I never meant for it to happen... Sirius is going to break up with me I don't know what I'm going to do"

"You kissed?"I nodded

"Sirius will kill me... he was in bed in the same room as well!" I was yelling at myself

"It was an accident Lou, Sirius will understand that I promise, you'll need to tell him though, you know that, you need to talk to James as well, it will all be ok I promise" he put his hand on my shoulder giving me a side hug.

"Not stealing my girl are you Rem?" I jumped at his voice, Remus laughed as if nothing had ever happened

"Yeah mate... don't mind sharing do you?" the two boys laughed before Sirius left the room.

Later on I was sitting in between Sirius and Remus, all of us with tears in our eyes... or in my case gliding down my cheek as we listened to an old friend of Mr. Potter speaking the eulogy

"He was the most selfless man I knew, the best auror we have ever seen, at school he was top in many classes and annoyed all with how he could get top marks in everything yet not appear to listen to a word the teachers said. He came out of school with full marks, scratches, bruised from fights and a beautiful woman. Most people that appeared to hate him, hated because of his brilliance, but the many that loved him were smiling after one sentence. In his time he has had an amazing son, and gained a daughter and another son from James. We shall all remember the selfless excepting man as all the things we knew, I am sure he is watching over us all"

I did not look at Sirius I looked over at James every so often though; he was staring at his lap wringing his hands while tears dripped onto his hands.

After the service friends of the Potters' went over to James and his mother to give their condolences before leaving to disaperate once off the grounds of Godric's Hallow. Sirius had tears running down his face but I had not the heart to console him. I looked over to Remus who pointed at Sirius waving for me to go over to him. I took a deep breath and went over to hug Sirius "Thought you were ignoring me today" he murmured into my shoulder, I bit my lip and started crying "It's ok babe, everything will be ok once it settles down" I cried harder with his words

"Siri... it won't... I can't... Siri I've..." Sirius pushed me away from him so he could see my face

"What's the matter honey?"

"It's nothing, I'm just feeling it all now Mr. Potter's gone" he smiled sympathetically and hugged me tight.

I sat on the sofa that evening hugging my legs, Sirius was having a shower and Remus was probably in his room... I was alone in the front room everything whirling in my head "Louise... could we..."

"I..."

"Look I feel really bad, can we just not mention anything to Sirius, it would ruin everything, his happiness with you and our friendship, he would never trust us ever again" James sat down next to me, running his hand through his untidy hair "I don't think I could lie to him... James, I can't believe it happened... I"

"That's why we should not tell him, it was a mistake and, kind of my fault... I know, it was my fault, why be guilty for something that wasn't your fault?"

"James... you know more than I do you cannot lie to Sirius... either of you could lie to him" a new voice entered the conversation "Remus... how?"

"Louise came to me this morning, she was upset and scared... you cannot make her go through keeping this from the guy she loves... we can all tell him" James gulped

"I don't think..."

"James... it's for the best... you know that" James had nothing more to do than nod under Remus' stern glare.

"When?" I said quietly

"As soon as he comes down" Remus whispered back. I nodded gulping, I did not want to lose Sirius, and I just had a horrible feeling he would not understand it was a complete mistake. I waited next to Remus, jiggling my leg up and down while wringing my hands. My eyes kept flitting around; James was sitting opposite me staring into the corner of the room as he chewed his lip.

I got up and went out into the hall, I could not stay in there with James; I could not have cut the tension with a razor sharp axe. I leaned against the stairs banister breathing in as much air as my lungs could take before exhaling slowly "You ok honey?" I stopped almost spluttering on the breath I was letting out, a chill coming over my body that was so cold I could be in the arctic. "Erm... yeah... course"

"You sure?" he came from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist

"Yeah... I'm fine... I kinda need to tell you something though..."

"What is it?" I got out of his grip

"Erm... well... erm..."

"Common, you know you can tell me anything" he went to hug me again, but I moved out of the way

"I can't..." I went into the front room, and sat in the corner where James had been staring at before. Sirius followed and looked around at the face of sadness, the face of fear, and the face of shame.

"What...?"

"Sirius, it wasn't meant to happen, and it's not Louise's fault, I promise you, it was just a mistake and the wrong moment, that was all"

"Yeah, I didn't mean..."

"Wait... wait what in the name of Godric's bollocks are you talking about?"

"Ok... maybe I should explain... Louise came to me this morning, she was a wreck, she told me her and James had just kissed, she went to kiss his cheek but he moved his head before she got to his cheek, it was an accident on both their parts" James was still refusing to look at Sirius, he did not look at anyone.

Sirius nodded then left the room, I looked at Remus fear evident in my eyes and face "He'll be ok"

"Doubt it" and I left too, I locked myself in the bathroom that joined my bed room and hit the wall. I kept hitting until I saw blood on the white tiles, I slid down the wall, it was over between Sirius and I; I could just sense it.

I shook while hugging my legs sobbing into my arms "Lou... are you ok?" came Remus' smooth voice, I did not answer as I cried more, blood dripping from my hands, I heard the lock click and Remus stepped over the threshold, "Louise, what...?" he looked at me on the floor to the wall where the blood stain was dribbling down the walls turning them red, he knelt down in front of me pulling my hand delicately towards him, he pulled out his wand, I however pulled my hand out of his grasp "I deserve it, I cheated on him, I deserve every ounce of pain" I said bluntly

"How can you say that?" I looked at him feeling and seeing tears in my eyes "Lou, there's nothing wrong with feeling hopeless, but Sirius is outside, he's probably feeling the same as you, thinking you want to split with him, maybe even thinking he's not good enough for you" I looked away from Remus' sympathetic eyes. I felt his arms wrap around my body rocking me gently.

I was close to sleep when I felt him lift me up with surprising strength. I felt a mattress underneath me after a few seconds in his arms "Rem... don't leave me... please"

"I won't... I'll sit next to you" I smiled slightly and fell asleep.

I awoke to shouting, I opened my eyes to look around, but no-one was there

"Do you seriously expect me to trust you after you kissed my girlfriend? You know how much I love her and you go any do something like that!"

"Sirius, I explained to you, it was just a wrong moment thing, I wasn't expecting her to kiss my cheek, I thought she was going up to hug me so I turned my head to look at her, it was a two second thing, I promise you!"

"I don't believe you, I think you meant to kiss her, so you turned your head to make it look like a mistake, she was in the right by just comforting you with a kiss on the cheek like she does to all of us; you just took advantage of her, she's a kind girl, but you just took her kindness as a thought to kiss your best mates girl!" Sirius bellowed at the top of his lungs.

I ran out of my bedroom to see Sirius and James, both wands out pointing at each other's throats "Stop it!" I screamed at them, James lowered his wand, Sirius however lowered his wand slightly but still kept it high as a threat "Sirius, put your wand down, please" I begged him at his side now; he lowered his wand to his side.

"You're taking his side" Sirius mumbled sounded a little defeated

"No, I'm not taking anyone's side, I love you Sirius, but what happened between me and James was a complete mistake, it meant nothing" I looked over at James once I said this, but James had looked the other way "Please Siri." I shook his arm gently and he nodded.

I sat in the corner of the room while Sirius stripped off to get ready for bed, he slipped into the bed and looked over at me expectantly; I got up and got in beside him, he wrapped his arms around me and then fell asleep. I waited for his almost silent snores before slipping out of his embrace and leaving the room.

I opened the door quietly then entered the room; I looked over at the sleeping figure in the bed before curling myself up on the chair that stood in the corner by the window. It was cold but I did not care, I just shivered my way into a lonely sleep.

I jolted awake still shivering; I looked out of the window still curled up to see it still dark, the moon shone behind the clouds casting an eerie glow in the room, I heard a creek from the bed and looked over to see the sleeping figure stir but then lie still. I uncurled myself slowly cracking my joints every so often after being curled for so long.

I sat upright crossing my legs on the chair leaning my head on my hand that was resting on the arm of the chair and I slipped yet again into a cold lonely sleep.

I awoke feeling a duvet over me, I groaned at the lack of sleep and my aching muscles of being in an awkward position. I stretched still on the chair then got up slowly, shaking out my shoulders and joints "Why'd you sleep there?" a voice echoed from the doorway

"Couldn't face sleeping in his arms"

"So you chose my chair?" I nodded not looking at the familiar voice

"I'm readying myself for when he tells me it's over"

"I don't know if..."

"So you want to split with me?" Sirius burst through the doorway, I stood up shocked

"Sirius that was a little uncalled for"

"Sorry Remus" Sirius had knocked Remus down who had been standing in the doorway talking to me. He turned to me "So you slept here last night then? Going through my friends are you?"

"Sirius! How could you think that?"

"First James, now..."

"I slept on the chair!" I yelled at him

"I don't know that do..."

"Why would Remus do that to you? Of all people!" tears streaked down my cheeks knowing what was about to happen, knowing what he was about to say "I can't be with you! I thought you were different but no! You just care bout kissing any bloke that gets into your life!"

"Fine!" I screamed sobbing "If you think I'm such a slut why are you bothering to look at me!" I was sounding hysterical but I did not care, I just wanted to scream at someone and Sirius was in my range.

He turned and left the room I sank to the floor and cried, I leaned my elbows on my knees and dug the heels of my hands into my eyes causing little stars of colour to erupt behind my eyelids. I had lost Sirius... lost him, the one boy that had made me feel so safe... and... I had lost him completely.


	21. strangers

Chapter 21 (LF)

After a while it was time to go back to school, I thought there was nothing worse, and it could not get any worse; I was going back to school with no Sirius to hold my hand. I spent my first day back in the girls dorm unpacking; I couldn't be bothered to go to class.

I did not sleep well that night, it was the first time I had slept in my own bed in my own dorm for a long time; I was always in the boys' dorm, snuggling next to Sirius. "Louise" I felt somebody shaking me "Louise"

"Eh?"

"Are you ok? It's already around the whole school that you and Sirius have split... what happened?" it was Lily I noticed as I struggled to sit up "What time's it?"

"10, it's not exactly late" I nodded

"Yeah, we split, while at James', something happened, and we split up" Lily patted my shoulder, she wanted to tell me something more, I could see it in her face, I however did not press her, I didn't want to know what he had said.

I awoke while it was still dark, looking around I couldn't see anybody up so I went down to the common room, it seemed deserted so I thought it safe to take a seat and watch the dying flames , I flicked my wand at the embers to alight them again.

I sat, not taking in anything around me but the dancing fire, flames licking at the air extracting the oxygen. I tucked my feet to the side of me still mesmerised by the flames "Thanks for an amazing night Siri, hope I can sleep in your dorm another night" I jumped, my attention going far away from the flames,

"Of course... but it's not like we really sleep much now is it babe?" a girly giggle echoed around the circular common room, I sat there, stock still, biting down on my tongue so I would not scream, my vision got slightly clouded as searing hot tears formed.

"Hmm, you know, I wouldn't mind you doing what you did up there... because your tongue is absolutely to die for, common, show me one more time" I heard something in his voice that I had never heard, pure lust. Tears escaped as I realised what he had done... gone from me to this slut.

I heard kissing sounds and I tried to block them out... I couldn't though, the kissing went to moans and I could not take it, I stood up and yelled "Look, if you're gonna fuck a slut, go and fuck in your room, some of us don't want to hear it!" I went to storm up the girls steps

"Just because you lost him, you're jealous; just admit you wish you were fucking him... when he's mine now" a manic cackle passed my lips "Dear Godric... couldn't actually think a girl could be so stupid! You don't have Sirius, no-one has Sirius, Sirius has himself; he doesn't belong to anyone. And, nah I would never be jealous of someone like you, he's using you, because you're easy, I bet you didn't even pause when he offered"

"That's enough Louise" Sirius sounded annoyed and tired, I turned to him

"You can't tell me what to do"

"No, but I advise you shut up and leave me to it, she's better than you"

"We never even..."

"Exactly, she wants it... she begs for it, you on the other hand" he barked out a small laugh then turned to the girl and started snogging her.

I turned and left the common room, I ran down the corridor, not caring that I could not see, I just wanted to get away from the scene of Sirius with her, Sirius telling me I was not good enough... I always thought it. Always knew it. I had ruined it.

I slid down a wall sobbing, I knew I could no longer hang out with the boys, and I had not bothered to get friends anywhere else because I never thought anything would happen. I suppose, I could catch up on any school work and stuff.

"You shouldn't be out of your common room" I didn't look up, I was crying way too much... I thought I knew who it was...

Perfect revenge, I looked up smiling feebly, yes, it was, I had only met him every so often in the corridor "So I'm guessing this is about the blood traitor Black?"

"Yes"

"He's a bastard, Babe, seriously, he doesn't deserve you"

"Oh well, he's fucking a slut right now, he actually said that I wasn't as good as her"

"I bet you are, I bet no-one could beat you" I shrugged and then leapt onto him pressing my lips hard onto his, he responded at once wrapping his arms around me kissing back. He growled at being dominated and flipped me over onto the stone floor, covering my body with his own.

I met him outside the great hall after quickly going to my dorm to shower and change, he had done the same, his shoulder length hair was scraped back into a pony tail; a few strands were out framing his pointed face. He smiled holding out his hand for me to take before spinning me around into his arms, I smiled up at him before he kissed me.

He put his arm around my shoulders before we entered the great hall, any talk before we had entered died suddenly, and every head turned to us, I looked up at the confident young man whose arm was wrapped tightly around me, I noticed the hold tightened ever so slightly more.

We walked to a table where some people separated to let us sit, I looked over to the Gryffindor table, I saw Sirius looking over, his hands were shaking, his face red with anger and it looked like he was about to throw his knife at someone. I bit my lip but soon turned away from him to look at the boy that now accompanied me. It was good... he did not remind me of Sirius in any way shape or form... the only things they had in common was height, gender and family wealth.

I was laughing with his fellow house mates when the boy's arm leapt around my shoulders I looked up to see two black haired boys in front of us, both seemed as angry as the other "Yes Black, Potter?" he asked politely

"Malfoy, get your hands off my girl" Sirius' voice shook with rage

"Excuse me? Your girl? Since when in the past week have I been yours! You told me that I was not good enough! Told me I was worse than a cheap dirty slut!" I screamed standing up, low murmuring erupted in the great hall, even the few teachers that were down started muttering to each other. "I... I..." he seemed lost for words, James had backed slightly away from his friend "You what?" he hissed

"Mate, I didn't mean it, I promise, I was trying to fuck a girl at the time... it just slipped out" James shook his head in disgust before leaving the great hall

"I'd leave Black, your dirty little secrets out, maybe people would realise how much of a blood traitor you really are" he stood up with me and pulled me over the bench before leading me out of the great hall.

"Thank you Lucius" he shook his head

"I never thought I'd be nice to you, but you're a good fuck, and seem a nice enough girl, even for a mudblood" I winced with the words he spoke, nice fuck... mudblood. I looked up at him seeming unfazed by his words, he kissed me putting his hands on my arse "Five points each for public display of affection, five points each for causing a scene in the great hall, five points from Gryffindor for lack of taste, and five points from Slitherin for taking Sirius' bird" I stood there looking at a Hufflepuff Prefect, he had so much hatred in his eyes it was unbelievable.

"Thirty points from Hufflepuff for pointless point taking" Lucius replied before turning around holding onto my hand and walking away with me behind him.

He lead me down stairs, going further down, it was as if he was going to the dungeons where we had potions, then he turned off down a concealed staircase, we went down where there was a portrait, "snake" he hissed and the empty portrait opened. I entered after him, the common room was cold, decorated in silver and green. Some first, second and third years scarpered from the common room; I laughed quietly "You like my authority?"

"Of course, it's so sexy" he looked at me smugly, I smiled up at him before he led me down some steps that I could only guess were the boys' dormitories.

We went into the grounds after about an hour; we both had reasons to be seen together. Not really because we wanted to be together, more...

We both had the same reason.

I heard my name being called so turned only to see James Potter; I looked away, "Louise... don't do this to yourself"

"What's it to you Potter?" Lucius said trying to pull me away

"It's ok honey"

"If you're sure... I'll just be over there... call if you need me" I nodded and he left to sit by the lake.

"Louise... I know why you're doing this... don't put yourself through it, please"

"Sirius has managed this"

"Listen to yourself, and look at what you're doing! You are fucking this evil guy that hates people like you because of blood, he's using you, I know your using him, but you'll be worst off when it blows up"

"I won't... I'll be fine"

"He's a slimy git, he's using you, and... I hate to think what you're doing together"

"We're fucking, nothing more" I swallowed, the bitter words almost seemed familiar in my mouth

"Louise... this isn't you" I walked away I could not hear the truth, I knew that, I just wanted to get my own back on Sirius for what he had done and said.

I sat next to Lucius, he looked over at me then went back to a book he was reading... it wasn't a nice book by the look of it either. I sat there still and silent, before I got bored and started playing with the grass in front of me. I picked off strands and shredded them to pieces.

After a while I looked up realising I was completely alone, no-one was in the grounds at all. I stood and looked around better, it was still light, so it was not like I had been shredding grass for ages, I thought it had only been about an hour, and Lucius had left without giving me any sign.

I wandered back into the school, climbing the stairs getting to the Gryffindor common room, I passed fellow students on the way; I did not stop though. I got to the common room, through the portrait. The boys were sitting in their favourite chairs in front of the fire. Remus stood up once I entered and strode towards me "Come on" he took my hand and lead me back out of the common room.

He led me along corridors, past classrooms, up stairs until we stopped outside the transfiguration classroom. He led me in, tables stacked high on each other, "Professor... may I use this classroom for a few moments please... you could stay if you wanted, I don't think however you would like what you hear" Remus seemed so confident while practically chucking our head of house out of her own classroom. "Mr. Lupin... why would you like to use my classroom"

"Well Professor, we cannot use the library as I will more than likely end up shouting and the common room is full and our dormitory isn't very appropriate, if you don't want us to use this space I am happy to find a deserted classroom but I would kind of like this to be vaguely monitored encase it gets out of hand"

"You sound like you are about to duel"

"No... But I have to speak with her and the conversation could get nasty if I am not careful"

"Remus I'm leaving... I don't see why you need to talk to me"

"You stay right there" he growled dangerously through gritted teeth.

"Ok... you can use here... but I would like an explanation afterwards from you in an essay by Monday" she got up and left the classroom closing the door.

Remus put down some of the tables and a few benches. He then sat me down then sat opposite me; there was a deadly seriousness on his face which almost scared me, I looked away unable to meet his piercing gaze "Louise" I tried to make it seem I hadn't heard him, I however jumped with his voice; it was harsh, harsher than I had ever heard it. I still kept my head down, not looking at him. "Louise" he said again, just as harshly, this time though, he seemed angrier.

I looked up slightly, he looked furious; he was scary. I looked back down "Yes Remus" I mumbled to the floor

"Look at me" he growled; I hesitated

"Remus... you're scaring me"

"Good" I flinched slightly

"What..." I heard a scrape

"Stop hurting yourself" I jumped, he was right next to me

"I'm not... Remus what?" he gripped my chin forcing my head around to look into his face; I did not look into his golden eyes.

"You, with Lucius, it's obvious what you're doing and you're just hurting yourself and, well you're hurting Sirius, me and James"

"Then forget I exist" I made to get up but he put his hands firmly on my shoulders keeping me in my place

"You may not think yourself important, but we care for you a lot, we cannot just forget you exist"

"Bit late to say that... and like, stop talking like Sirius gives a shit"

"Listen!" I flinched

"Remus..."

"Listen to me, and shut up! Sirius still loves you! Do you understand?"

"You shut up!" I screamed Remus thumped his fist hard against the desk in anger

"Listen to me! You are hurting yourself more than I think you realise... I am not talking about physical; I'm talking about how you feel... you didn't want to lose your virginity to Lucius I know that I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't be doing this if you knew what the hell you are doing... what can make you think that you will find something with Lucius?"

"I'm not looking for anything... Sirius hurt me I wanna get my own back I wanna make him feel as small as he made me feel... I wanna make him feel as hurt as he's made me when he said I wasn't as good as a slut, he doesn't give two flying pixies how I feel anymore but I want to hurt him!" I screamed louder and pushed myself from his grasp scarpering out of the classroom but before I left I span around and yelled "Tell him what you like... but you can't make me come back to you lot!" and then left as fast as I could.

I had run a fare distance when I stopped out of breath; I sat down leaning against a wall before falling asleep on the cold floor.


	22. vengeance is sour

Chapter 22 (lf) - vengeance is sour

I awoke feeling not the cold floor I had fallen asleep on, but a warm bed, with covers draped over me, I opened my eyes slightly feeling somebody sitting by my stomach, I tried to sit up to see who it was but the figure pushed me down "What?"

"It's ok Louise" I heard a gruff sleepy voice... it was James

"Why... why am I here?"

"I found you asleep last night, so carried you here" all I could think was that it wasn't where I deserved to be. I got out of bed "Where are you going?"

"Don't know" my path was blocked quickly by Remus

"You're not going anywhere Louise"

"You can't stop me" I tried to push him out of the way but he was a lot stronger than me and stood his ground "Leave me alone! All of you just stop interfering!"

"We're your friends, and all your doing is ruining your life... you lost your virginity to Lucius Malfoy! It just shows you can't look after yourself!" I started to beat my fists on Remus' chest

"Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" I screamed at him. He let me beat his chest until I

collapsed into his arms crying.

He lifted me up and sat down on a bed with me in his arms, I held onto his t-shirt my tears making it soaking. I cried myself to sleep still in his arms.

The sunlight streamed down over me jolting me from a dream, well the dream happened to be about what I was doing to myself, I knew it was all wrong, I knew it would hurt me... but right now, I didn't care, Sirius didn't want me, James and Remus shouldn't care, and Lucius was who I was hurting myself with. I was stuck with nowhere to go and no-one to truly turn to.

I shuffled out of the bed I was occupying and looked out of the window; the sun was low but high enough to be piercing through the window, I stared out just watching the few clouds that littered the sky. They made shapes in the sky, and it was like seeing a still picture of a theatrical scene. There was a dragon about to pounce on a small monkjack deer, with rabbits, dragons and other small creatures watching, jeering at the small stupid little monkjack that was about to get what she deserved.

"What do you see?" a low voice came from behind me

"A monkjack about to be eaten, with other creatures around it jeering at the silly little thing... you?"

"A dog with so many things around it yet the dog's still so alone" I nodded not entirely interested

"I love watching clouds" I said offhandedly

"You know... what you see is normally how you feel, and what's happening in your life... you're not a silly little monkjack"

"You're not a lonely dog... you have Remus and James" there was no answer, I looked around to find that he had disappeared "Fine then" I muttered to myself.

I went down the boy's steps to go up to the girls dormitory, I showered, washed my hair and then looked at myself in the mirror... it was the first time I had done so in a while, I noticed I was thinner, my face had no rosy pinch in the cheeks, my eyes seemed duller 'oh well' I thought 'it's not like anyone cares'. I got dressed and then headed down to the library.

I ran my fingers delicately over the old spines trying to find what I may find the slightest bit interesting, in the end, I pulled out a few books on transfiguration, sat down on one of the single tables and started to read.

I found a section about changing into other animals, Animagi. It was really interesting; there was a whole chapter about how to see the difference between an animal and an Animagi. Like about there's usually distinctive markings such as, if somebody wore glasses their Animagi form would have markings on the fur, scales, or whatever it was around the eyes. There was a little bit on how to get registered as an Animagi, and how it is illegal without registration. It went onto about how to change a bird into a goblet among other things.

I went back to the common room at about midday while everybody else was in lunch or going to lunch; the common room was empty which I was pleased for. I sat on one of the squishy arm chairs; but sat so I was small; curled up in the corner of the large chair.

"Avoiding us are you?" I gritted my teeth, why couldn't they just leave me alone?

"No" I murmured

"Then how come we can never find you?"

"I was in the library" he did a false yawn

"You're boring"

"You just don't have to study James".

James sat next to me on the arm of the chair before reaching over and rubbing my leg gently "You know... Sirius regrets what he's done"

"Can we not talk about Sirius please?" James nodded looking a little taken aback before looking around as if checking there was anybody around

"You know Lou... that kiss wasn't a mistake" I jumped up

"You can't say that James! No way, you can't say that!" I half whispered half shouted

"But it wasn't... you liked it... I could tell, it was only because Sirius was like in the room" I shook my head violently

"No James! I feel so bad about that; how can you say it wasn't a mistake!"

"You might as well try" he murmured getting up as well whispering it in my ear

"NO!" I screamed before running from the common room.

A few days later I was sitting next to a long black haired Ravenclaw boy named George, I had changed seats due to all that had happened between me and the others, so I had seated myself next to him. He seemed nice enough... just happened that he was a little posh, a bit self centred and looked like a girl that got top marks in everything along with Sirius and James and was so well spoken that I thought he was royalty... he definantly acted like it. "So... how are you and Black doing?" he murmured in my ear while Bins was droning on

"We're not, he like hates me, I didn't really do anything"

"No-one actually knows the truth you know, he said that you had an argument and he has said you slept with five guys while you were going out" I looked at him outraged

"He what!" I whispered forcefully

"I knew it was not true... you are not that type of girl, you are too... sweet"

"James kissed me! That was the only reason, and it wasn't even me that did it, why has he said that?" I gritted my teeth

"Do you want revenge?"

"I don't know"

"Well... my owl is a hawk owl... it looks like a hawk, if you want to, owl me with him" I nodded.

I was sitting in the common room when I thought what I had to do. I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. I walked from the common room then started to run.

"Whoa, slow down" a figure said once I banged into them head first

"Sorry Frank" I murmured a little too high pitched before carrying on. I went to the owlary looking around for a particular bird, I spotted it and called it down "Sorry to disturb you Speckled, but you couldn't hold on for a little while?" the hawk like owl hooted happily and climbed up onto my shoulder. I wrote a quick note on a spare bit of parchment I had in my pocket, and a pen (yes I still used a pen every so often... a biro to be exact) and then attached it to Speckled, then threw him out of the window. I wandered back down to the entrance hall to wait for the recipient.

A tall boy came out of the great hall and strutted over to me "You asked for me" he said in an upper class accent,

"George..."

"You want to avenge Sirius?"

"Well... I want to make him jealous"

"We can do that"

"Why do you want to help out with this?" I looked up at him

"Sirius mucked me around a little too much in first year... his pranks were just annoying and childish, he also has been sleeping around with my now ex girlfriend" I nodded

"So... you want to get revenge?"

"Yes... I do. It is simple really, go out with me" I opened my mouth stuttering

"I don't..."

"You want to make him jealous don't you?"

"Yes..."

"Then go out with me and he will be jealous"

"Oh... erm... well... ok" I was uncertain about this, but oh well... he seemed sure enough.

He kissed me and, well it was a good kiss I could definantly give him that "Slut" I heard from behind me, I looked around and there was Sirius standing there looking horrified "What can I say... I'm the girl that cheated by sleeping with five guys" with that I grabbed George's hand and stormed away with George trailing behind me before he took the lead getting to where the room of requirements were.

He paced back and forth three times and a door appeared "I found this room in second year... it's a good room when you want to be alone... not many people know about it" I stayed silent acting as if I had never known of the room.

We went in, there was a bed with red bed sheets and a blue sofa, he led me over to the sofa that was in the middle of the room in front of a fire, George sat down and I sat next to him, he put his hand on my knee "You know... this could work" I nodded

"I have every faith in you" I gave a false smile up at him before kissing him.

I fell asleep in his arms on the sofa with him stroking my hair, no, we did not do anything apart from kiss... so don't worry about any of that, I can't be bothered to jump into bed with every man... way too much work.

It was nice sleeping in George's arms, he wasn't exactly muscley, but it was nice, he was softer, he wasn't by any means fat, just didn't have a six pack which I liked. But he was still broad, and seemed strong enough, I felt... safe... not as safe as...

I'm shushing about him, he called me a slut, he hates me... and I want to hate him, but I can't no matter what he says, my heart is still beating... although feebly, it's still beating... can't beat for anybody but Sirius Black, it hurt to know what I had done for him, hurt to know that I would probably have to rip my cold heart out. I knew, I had to turn my heart to stone if I was ever to get through this, I can't allow myself to love, or care... not even for myself... mind you I never did care about myself.

I stretched making someone next to me jolt awake. I looked around and saw George, everything from the night before flood back "Sorry... didn't mean to wake you" he shook his head

"It is fine... I would have preferred not to be woken though" I smiled apologetically at him but he just waved it away and kissed me.

I spent quite a few lessons with George... but I had all my classes with James, Sirius, and Remus. It was awful, all James and Remus would do is stare at me if they weren't writing notes... in other words, James permanently stared at me; it was so uncomfortable and awkward. I just sat there trying to ignore all of them taking down more notes than were necessary.

"Louise" it was third period, I ignored the whisper

"Louise talk to us" I ignored the second voice too,

"Louise, there's no point ignoring them, they aren't going to shut up" I turned around to look at the three boys

"Look... just leave me alone and get the message, I know, you think me a slut, but to be perfectly honest, George is actually a decent bloke, so shut the hell up and leave me alone" I whispered at them

"Miss Felm... would you like to share something with the class?" McGonagall looked at me sternly for interrupting her

"I can't be arsed to do the work Professor?"

"30 points from Gryffindor for cheek and I want you to stay behind and detention at six this evening here" I grumbled quietly.

I stayed at the end of class to get a huge lecture about not being cheeky and how I'd ruin my education if I couldn't be bothered to take notes and all the stuff to do with that, I just let it go in one ear and straight out the other, I could not deal with anything like that. I left and trooped into the grounds for break, not a lot of people were in the grounds due to it being a little cold, but I didn't care, I needed the alone time.

"Louise, seriously, listen to me!" I turned around to see James

"Dude! Leave me the hell alone!"

"No!" he cried out holding me by my shoulders so I would not run away

"James, I don't need your help"

"You can't look after yourself, it is so obvious, just let us help you and just let Sirius in again, I know that we all hate this exactly the same amount as each other, I know you feel lost, please stop turning to blokes you don't know and start letting the blokes that do know you back in". He looked deep into my eyes but I broke the contact

"I don't need your help any more". So I wrenched myself out of his grasp and stormed back up to the castle.

I got to my next class just to wait outside until it was meant to start; luckily George was in this class too so I could let some steam out, even if he didn't listen; at least I was getting it off my chest and the boys would not speak to me in this class because George would be sat next to me.

I sat outside the classroom as I knew it was a while until the class would start. I took deep breaths, everything James had said whirling around in my head, I could cope, and I could look after myself, they were just jealous that I had friends outside of that group. "Louise..." I did not look up for the voice "Please Louise" he pleaded

"Just... I can't be bothered"

"Please... I know... it was wrong to call you a slut, but... you can't be with him"

"Well, I am, stop pestering me"

"I'm not... I just... lo... care about you"

"Sirius... you were the one that ended it... I've moved on" I just sat there waiting for Sirius to leave, he didn't, he just stood there, looking at me. I sat my ground and refused to move. Then the bell went for the beginning of the lesson.

I told George all that had happened and his reply was "they are just jealous, seriously, just ignore everything" I nodded before taking down notes of what Flitwig had said.

"Louise" I heard the familiar whisper

"Look... Louise does not want you in her life, so leave her in peace" George had turned around to address the boys

"What's it to you what we do or don't do to Lou?"

"It concerns me because I am her boyfriend; so I do not want her upset"

"Posh twat" Sirius muttered

"What did you call me?" he spat

"My dear McNichol I called you a posh twat" George stood up, wand in hand and hurling a curse in one swift movement.

Sirius tried to put a shielding curse but George was way too fast and Sirius was on the floor, well, it was Sirius, it did not however look like him, he had turned into a large black rat, he tried to scarper but George flicked his wand again and the rat flew into the air and was somersaulting "Mr. McNichol, no, stop!" came Flitwig's squeaky voice and before anyone knew it George's wand had flew out of his hand and Sirius (now as Sirius) was sprawled on the floor. "Det..." but before Flitwig could say the rest of the word George had already strode to the door, clicked his fingers which made his wand fly from the small professor's hand into his own and then left the classroom.

The class was in shock and chaos, no-one had ever interrupted Flitwig before, and no-one had ever used transfiguration in a charms class, the boys were trying to help Sirius up but Sirius however shrugged them off and got up himself, he was beyond embarrassed, no-one had hexed him like that before... no-one had had the nerve.

The bell went a while later and I left quickly "Louise!" I heard from behind me but I kept going, before I knew it two Pairs of strong hands had a good hold of me and were pulling me along the corridor.


	23. who to go back to

Chapter 23 (LF)

"Are you seriously thinking about staying with that dick after what he did to Sirius?" the boys had pulled me to the room of requirements and had me with Sirius' arms holding onto me tightly with me struggling to get away

"Just leave me alone! He did what he did because you would not leave me alone!" I screamed

"Stop wriggling!" Sirius almost shouted through gritted teeth

"NO!" I struggled more attempting to stamp on his feet and bite him

"James... I don't think holding her is gonna work" Remus said from the corner; James nodded pulling out his wand, he muttered a spell and thick ropes slithered from his wand and wrapped tightly around me. I wriggled against the bond but the more I struggled the tighter they got, I cried out when they got tight enough to cut through my skin "The more you fight the tighter it will get" Remus muttered from his position.

I fell over finely giving up and once I did the rope loosened so it was not painful, I sobbed realising I was defeated and I had to listen to what the boys wanted to tell me. "Lou... we know he isn't good enough for you, common, Sirius called him a twat and look how he reacted, I'm just hoping you haven't done anything with him, look... McNichol is a nice enough bloke when he wants to be, and to girls... but to most people, he's a twat that should not be here, he'll use you for what needs then he'll dump you without a care... don't fall into the trap... please"

"I'm not in a trap... the only trap I'm in is in this room with you guys with ropes around me" I breathed heavily through my nose.

Sirius slit the ropes with his wand, James seemed to ready himself to catch me if I tried to leave, but I could not be bothered, I just lay there while the roped slithered off my body gently, "I don't know what to do anymore"

"Come back to us"

"I don't know if I can"

"You can... you just need to trust us again, just dump George... and you know be with us again"

"I... well I kinda like George and..."

"George is a tosser that is so far up his own ass that he can almost see out of the other end; seriously you're better off with us"

"You know... some people could say the same about you guys" James looked offended before I smiled to clarify it was a joke

"So... you thinking of coming back?" Sirius was leaning close to me

"To you... or to the boys? I whispered to him, he stopped... he had not been expecting that reply

"Erm... both... if you'll have the boys that is" he smiled

"Sure to the boys... but you, have to think about that one" he looked defeated at my words

"Oh... well... ok then"

"Come here you nickenpoop... of course I'll have you back... but I need to get rid of George first... so no I won't go out with you" he nodded before giving a slight smile and lifting me up back to my feet.

"Ok we've missed half of Muggle studies" Remus seemed a little annoyed but happy that I had rejoined them

"Well we might as well stay in here then, otherwise we will be put into detention"

"I've already got one tonight" I murmured

"We'll get u out of that" James had a slightly evil look on his face

"No... I'll serve it... that look on your face looks to evil"

"No... I'll get you out of it... I promise" I did not want to know what he had planned... I really didn't but oh well... I may just be able to get out of a detention I don't want.

We all played exploding snap to pass the time "Oh" I said mid way through our 10th game

"Yes?" they all answered

"I was in the library a little while ago... and I read about Animagi... it was actually really interesting and... well... I just thought... oh it doesn't matter" I realised they would think I was stupid

"Nah... Go on... what is Animagi?" James and Sirius seemed really interested... Remus on the other hand did not look pleased... he obviously knew what Animagi was

"Well... it's when a human... has the ability to turn into an animal, of choice... and you can... well... there's a spell and things that can turn you into one" I explained vaguely, both Sirius and James looked at each other... I could almost see the light bulbs over the top of their heads.

"Werewolves don't attack animals unless the animal provokes said werewolf" Sirius thought aloud

"It's illegal if not registered" James added with a smile covering his handsome features. We were sat in the library with a few books around us open and many, many more stacked on the floor or table.

"Exactly it's illegal... a reason we should NOT think about doing it"

"Remy, Remy, we cannot possibly think of that when we want to roam with you"

"Ok, what if you do go through with it... and we're running around and I attack one of you"

"It won't happen; common... it'll be a laugh" Remus still did not look convinced.

"Ooo ooo!" all the boys looked at me

"What?" Sirius asked looking rather worried at my excited face

"Ostendo nostrum penitus bestia" I said flicking my wand at Sirius, the end of my wand exploded and out came a huge rather cute and fluffy black dog, it ran in mid air to Sirius sniffed him, nodded then disappeared.

"What the hell was that!" he yelled getting an evil eye from the librarian

"It's what you become, if we were to turn into animagus, you'll be a rather adorable black dog" Sirius looked rather pleased with himself

"I bet I'm a better animal... do me, do me!" James was an overly excitable five year old in a 15 year old body, I muttered the spell in his direction and an enormous stag erupted from my wand and did the same as the dog had done a few minutes previous. Sirius laughed his bark laugh.

"You're... you're... you're a deer!" tears escaped his eyes with laughter

"A stag!" James shouted; he did not seem amused Sirius was taking the mick. James' yelling got us kicked out of the library; we took as many books as we could with us though. We sat in the boys' dorm reading the books about Animagi and becoming one, it was a simple process... if you were a very skilled witch or wizard and had passed your NEWTs with flying colours and had lots of life experience... but the boys however were confident that they could pull it off, I would need as much of their help as possible as I was ok but not brilliant at charms and transfiguration, I'll get there one day.

After a few hours we all chucked the books to the side and played a few games of exploding snap and ate some sweets that made you act like animals and stuff, it was hilarious with James and Sirius because they kept daring each other to do the ones that caused pain.

"Oh... I better go and find George" I got up from Sirius' lap

"Do you want me to come with?" Sirius also got up

"Nah, I'll be alright" and I left the boys in the dorm.

I walked a little while and soon I found George walking to the detention I was meant to be going to but he was serving it instead. "George... can I talk to you?"

"Yes?" He turned around to look at me

"George... I need to tell you something" I was fidgety as he did not look at all pleased

"Just tell me, I am running late" he folded his arms still standing tall

"Look, I don't wanna be with you, my work's been done, so see you around"

"No... The work is not done, not yet"

"It is, he was jealous, he's taken me back, we never had anything George, and well, it's not like it was real"

"No, I know all of that, but, my work is not done, and I still need you to complete it" he grabbed hold of my wrist tightly

"Let me go" I twisted my wrist to try and get free but it just inflicted pain on myself.

"Let her go McNichol" a growl game from behind me, Sirius' growl.

"Or what?" George smiled over my shoulder at the people behind me

"Let her go" another male voice said, George laughed then flung me against the wall behind him making me cry out with the pain of the stone colliding with my back and head and then he forced his mouth over my own, I struggled but then the boy slumped against me. I pushed him off looking at the unconscious figure at my feet, then up at the boys that had stunned him. I jumped over George and ran to the boys

"Thank you"

"Well we couldn't leave you with him alone" I smiled up at them in thanks. I hugged each of the boys in turn, pleased to be with them again, I had been lost without them, no matter how stubborn I was and how much I would never admit it to them; I was lost without the boys by my side.

We got back to the boys' dorm and sat down on either beds or floors (ok, Remus sat on the bed Sirius and James sat on the floor... and I sat on Sirius) "So... can I re-ask my previous question?" Sirius whispered

"You can indeed" I smiled at him

"Will you go back out with me?"

"Of course I will" as soon as I said that Sirius planted a long kiss on my lips

"Get a room!" James cried from opposite us

"We are in a room" Sirius said pulling himself gently away from me

"Your own room... with nobody in it" we both shrugged and went back to kissing in celebration.

For the first time in ages I slept in Sirius' arms and slept through the night, it was that strong but soft hold Sirius had, his arms wrapped around me.

I awoke not realising Sirius was next to me and put my elbow back hard and fast not registering that Sirius was there, it connected with his ribs and there was a jolt of pain shooting up my arm; he jumped and groaned... I was so apologetic I even offered to go to the kitchens and get him breakfast in bed... he just thought it was hilarious; me fussing about something that he thought was nothing.

Lessons... joy, well at least I was spending them passing notes and taking down notes with the boys, I'd be talking to the boys but Remus always sat next to me to nudge me or something so I would get back to copying and note taking; I would seriously completely fail without Remus nudging me.

I was writing a note when Remus nudged me but I decided to ignore him before passing the note to Sirius... ok it was not a note it was a little picture of him and me.

As soon as we got out of class Remus seemed really pissed off at me "Rem... what's up honey?" I was by the side of him attempting to keep up but he power walked faster and I could not keep up, I looked back and waited for Sirius, Sirius hugged me once he got to me "What's up with Remus?" he looked down at me confused

"I don't know, he just walked off and refused to talk to me, I think he was pissed at the whole Animagi thing, and then I completely ignored him when he told me to get back to work in that lesson... I think he might think we're just ignoring what he thinks to be really important"

"Hmm yeah sounds the most feasible... James... could you?"

"Talk to him? Knock some sense into him? Yeah sure"

"No violence" I scolded at James

"Ok... ok I'll just talk to him" so we went off as a trio to the greenhouses for madam sprouts lesson.

"You may work in twos of threes... but no fours" madam sprout looked at us when she said this. Sirius and I decided to work together and James moved off to work (and talk) with Remus. I kept looking over and every time I did Remus seemed to be scolding James for not doing the work

"I don't think it's gonna work Siri" I murmured while doing the work we had been set.

We got out of herbology and rejoined James "No luck?" I asked

"Nah... Barely told me a thing, he's really pissed off" I slumped slightly with disappointment

"He'll be alright... he's just having a bitch fit, he'll be fine" I still looked up at the boys troubled by Remus' behaviour.

"Lou... it's Hogsmeed weekend this weekend... do you wanna come, it being near Christmas and all" we were on our way to our next class

"Yeah... of course I would like to go" I don't think he also realised the date that the Hogsmeed trip was on as well.

"Siri... it's your birthday on Thursday, do you want to do anything for it?" we were sitting in transfiguration copying notes

"Nah, I can't be bothered to celebrate it, I'm only turning 16, it isn't very important... I don't want any fuss over me"

"We have to do something Siri... ok, while we're at Hogsmeed then"

"Maybe while we're in Hogsmeed... but I don't want the whole school knowing about my birthday"

"That's ok" I kissed his cheek quickly before getting back down to work, I did like transfiguration after all, and I hated it when McGonagall was annoyed with me, I liked her, she was a kind woman, yes very strict but kind all the same.

The end of the day came, Remus was not in the common room, James had gone to find him, and Sirius was in a detention, so it was just me on my own in the squashy arm chairs all alone with no-one for company, in the end I got bored so just went up to the boys' dorm, Frank was there reading "If you're looking for Sirius he's..."

"Oh I know Frank; I just got bored because no-one's around... I'll go if you..."

"No, no, I could use the company" I smiled at him... I did feel sorry for him, he had to put up with me sleeping in his dorm and being there 24/7, he had to put up with our noise, our laughter, our prank planning; he never seemed to mind though.

"I've noticed you're back in here now... sleeping wise"

"Yeah... well me and Sirius are back together... you don't mind do you? I always feel bad that you have to put up with us four and it's not exactly fair on you"

"I'm fine with it, I barely hear anything you say as I put silencing charms around you lot most of the time so I don't hear you... I don't much want to know what you lot talk about" I smiled a little mischievous

"Yeah... well... kind of a good job you have sense" Frank laughed, I sat on Remus' bed (it was the only one made) and pulled out one of his books.

I read for a long time... and still there was no sign of the boys.


	24. drunk, ignored and suprises

Chapter 24 (lf)

I fell asleep on Remus' bed with the book on my stomach. I awoke a little while later to find the boys still not in their dorm... I decided to go down to the common room; a quick look couldn't hurt.

I crept down the stairs to the common room and saw immediately where the boys had got to, Sirius looked like he had tried to get up the stairs... but had not quite got to the stairs, he was asleep right in front of me cradling a bottle in his hand, I stepped over him carefully then saw James on one of the chairs, like Sirius he was holding a bottle, Remus was next to him leaning against James, a few empty bottles were on the floor so I went over and picked one of them up, the label read 'Dragon, the nation's finest Firewhiskey' I rolled my eyes and sighed... this is what they've been up to.

I took out my wand and relit the fire; I then tidied up a few of the bottles, I counted each bottle as I did so, four were on the floor, and then there was the one in James' and Sirius' hands. I woke Remus up thinking it may be a little safer; he swatted my hands away as I shook him "No, common Remus, you need to get up"

"No, tired, piss off

"Common, I need your help to get the others up, please Remus" I shook him a bit rougher

"Go 'way

"No get up now!" I wacked him and his eyes snapped open

"Ow, my head. Piss off Louise!

"Yes well, get James up and I'll tackle Sirius, James is relatively easy" Remus grumbled but set about shaking James, I went over to Sirius.

"Siri" I took the bottle from his hand "Siri you need to get up" he stirred slightly "Siri, baby get up" I pulled him up a little but he just flopped back down, I huffed before standing up and falling to sit on him

"What? What? Ahh, what?

"You need to get to bed"

"No, sleep"

"Yes, sleep, but in your dorm"

"I'm dorm"

"No you are not the dorm, and you're not in the dorm, you're in the common room" he pushed me a little away in an attempt to make me leave him alone, I pulled him up more and he finely gave in helping himself up as well.

We went up the boys steps (I helped Sirius a little) and Remus and James followed, we got up to their dorm and fell on each bed, I made sure James and Remus got in ok before tucking Sirius in and him pulling me in with him.

We awoke the next morning and I watched Sirius on the verge of awaking, I nudged him a little to speed up the process and he woke up quickly "Hey baby" I whispered stroking his cheek

"Hey"

"Did you sort anything out with Remus?"

"No, he just kinda started drinking with us" I nodded looking down slightly... my heart sank; it was about me, not the boys

"Why were you drinking?"

"We just do it a lot now" I nodded still with Remus on my mind, he was pissy last night, but I put that down to alcohol, I bit my lip, Remus was amazing... why did he hate me so suddenly?

"You alright Lou?"

"Yeah... yeah fine" I looked up at him and he looked at me with worry in his eyes "I'm fine... seriously" he nodded unconvinced but left it.

Remus spent the whole day completely ignoring me but speaking to the guys ten times more than normal making it clear it was me that was the problem; I tried to ask him what the problem was but he blanked me and acted as if I did not exist, he even pushed me out of the way pretending I was not there. After that I just ran off to the common room and up the girls' steps, tears streaming down my face. I threw myself onto my bed sobbing; I threw the hanging shut and curled up under the covers at the bottom of my bed, I heard my name far away but ignored it, I did not want to see anyone... let alone a boy.

Silence apart from my sobs magnified in my ears was all I heard, I tried to calm down but couldn't, one of my best friends was making damn sure I knew it was me that was the problem. I grew tired and fell asleep still curled up at the bottom of my bed, I awoke to the feeling of me being picked up, I wriggled trying to get back to sleep "Louise" I heard a strong voice

"Leave alone, go 'way"

"Everyone's worried about you, you just took off"

"Don't care" I had been untangled from the sheets to see Sirius, Lily, James and Professor McGonagall. I tried to pull my skirt down to cover myself as my skirt had rode up while I was asleep, Sirius helped, he seemed able to pull my skirt down better than I could. I didn't look at anyone embarrassed that everyone was there. I held onto the hem of my skirt looking at my hands, my eyes burning from the salty tears. Sirius put an arm around me but I shrugged it off unable to be touched. I shook while more tears fell to my hands.

"Louise... please, just tell me what's wrong" Sirius whispered comfortingly, I ignored it and took it as an insult that he had not noticed Remus ignoring me

"Haven't you realised Remus?" Sirius seemed to understand

"Oh... yeah erm, I'm not really sure what's happening I'm sure he's just on his period" I flashed Sirius the death stare and he shut up pretty quickly "Seriously, he's probably in just a mood and he'll talk to you in a few days... probably tomorrow"

"Just leave me alone... he hates me... I understand... you don't have to stick with me... he's your friend after all" I felt completely alone and defeated, I just kept thinking of how it was when I didn't have the boys... and thinking that's how it should be, not like this, where I had a boy attempting to comfort me with another in front of me looking at me in pity and sadness. "And you are my girlfriend, you don't get rid of me that easily, I don't know what's wrong with him, but, I'm sure, he'll be fine"

"You're not the one he's blanking without a care; you're not the one that is being walked through... I just don't get why

"Neither do we... But you can't just run to your dorm and miss school Miss. Felm" I looked up at my head of house momentarily before looking back to my lap at her stare, it was a strict yet worried look which scared me.

I felt ashamed yet I did not really care what they thought. How could I? I curled up in the fetal position hoping that they would just leave me alone; leave the room and let me sleep.

I looked up a while later but James was still in front of me looking concerned, a hand was put on my head and I knew Sirius was still in the room too. "Go back to class"

"Classes have finished for the day, please just come down stairs and we can do something, please Lou, we hate seeing you like this... he would have forgotten by now" I knew from the tone James used that Remus was far from forgetting about whatever I may have done, I shook my head

"Nah... You go down and see Remus or whatever you want to do... I'll stay here" I was trying to sound convincing and happy

"Ok... but come to the boys' dorm... you don't have to do anything with us, just be there so we know where you are and can get to you easier "

"You don't trust me" I got up off my bed and went to the bathroom... and locked myself in.

"Louise we didn't mean it like that!" Sirius was banging on the door

"Fuck off!" the banging stopped and I heard muffled talk behind the door before the door was blown from the door frame with a loud crash.

"Louise... please... I'm worried about you, all I want to do is protect you and... You're not making it very easy by trying to stay away from me... from us" he gestured to James as well,

"I'm fine... honest" I looked away from them still knowing that they should not be in front of me trying to protect me... they should be running as far away as possible from me... which was exactly what Remus was doing.

"Come on... please... just come with us" Sirius held out his hand for me to take, I took a step back but then took his hand like an obedient five year old with her dad, he put his arm around me holding me tight to him before pulling me down the steps. He led me gently to the other side of the common room for the boys' steps and led me up. We got to their dorm and James pushed the door open. There was Remus on his bed, I took a step back unable to take him ignoring me but Sirius having ten times the strength of me pushed me inside, I struggled but he just picked me up and carried me in then plonked me down onto Remus' bed, Remus did not even look up from his book. I looked to Sirius shaking my head and moved to Sirius "Remus... you and Louise are to talk, and you are not leaving here until you sort this out" James took Remus' book from him and he looked tiredly at Sirius and James

"Who's Louise?"

"Remus why the hell are you doing this? This isn't you, you would never ignore me like this, I exist you know!" Remus looked as if I had not spoken and just kept looking at Sirius and James quizzically

"Louise has just spoken to you" Sirius looked rather annoyed at Remus for how he was acting

"We are the only ones in this room... maybe you are imagining this Louise girl" I stamped over to Remus and slapped him with all my might, his head flung to the right and his hand immediately went to his stinging cheek

"You bitch, why the fuck did you do that?" he screamed at me, I slapped him again in the same spot, I punched him in the ribs and then I kneed him where it hurt.

"Louise, Louise stop!" he yelled at me

"Oh... I'm not invisible am I?" I punched him where it hurt this time

"Stop!" he put one hand over his crotch and the other trying to hold me back

"Ok Louise I think he's got the message" Sirius murmured putting a hand on my lower back. I stopped for a second; enough for Remus' hand to drop from my hands before I started on him again, this time both James and Sirius pulled me away "I think Remus has got it" I breathed heavily, slumping, only being held up by Sirius and James. They lowered me so I was kneeling on the floor and Sirius knelt with me leaning me to him.

"Louise... now you know what it feels like... to be ignored in class, I'm only, ever trying to help you... you need to concentrate on your studies, not permanently passing notes in class" I felt apologetic with the pain in Remus' voice... I looked down realising that it was all because he was trying to make me see that my studies were important.

"Next time... just tell me, don't ignore me like that... I'm sorry I hit you" I looked up at him

"It's fine... you have quite a punch on you" he rubbed his balls through his trousers

"I'm sorry" I got up and hugged him jumping up holding myself up around his neck

"It's ok... erm... Louise, my hand... erm" he looked down embarrassed that his hand had ended up under my skirt in an inappropriate place, I got down apologetically then going back to hug him.

"It's alright mate... touch her up as much as you like" Sirius tried to sound annoyed and sarcastic but he was laughing. I looked over at him

"So your mates are allowed now are they?" I folded my arms in mock offence

"No, only I'm allowed to do that" he came over to me and put his hand where Remus' had accidently been placed a moment before

"Oi, you're not allowed" Sirius looked offended

"And he is?

"Yeah" I put my arm around Remus smiling

"Come here you" Sirius pulled me to him placing his hands on my arse lifting me up placing his lips over mine.

"You two! Do that where we aren't here please!" Sirius ignored James and carried me to his bed where he laid me down placing his warm protective body over mine, he ran his hand up my thigh and I squirmed

"Not ready?"

"Not ready" Sirius nodded before closing the hangings around us before I got undressed down to my underwear then went under the covers, Sirius did the same and we cuddled until the late evening before we fell asleep.

The morning of the 8th was a Hogsmeed Saturday, and Sirius awoke me to get dressed so we could go down to Hogsmeed together, he had not mentioned once that he had any acknowledgement of what day it was apart from he was taking me to Hogsmeed.

It was close to Christmas so many people were going to the village to buy Christmas presents before going back home, I wanted to buy something for the boys, but Sirius was giving no inkling to what we were doing, I was putting on the necklace Sirius had given me all those years before and Sirius came up behind me pulling my hair away from my neck so I could put it on easier. He kissed my neck where the clip was on the necklace before placing my hair back where it should be.

"What are we doing today?" I looked up to him turning away from the mirror

"That would be telling" he tapped my nose before placing a soft warm kiss on my lips, I smiled up at him wrapping my arms around his neck resting my head on his shoulder as his arms slithered around my waist pressing me tightly against him.

"Shall we get going for breakfast before we go?" I nodded at him so he led me down to the great hall, he had his arm around me when we entered and as per usual the chatter suddenly dulled when we entered, all the girls were jealous of me, the boys didn't really care, but was annoyed Sirius had his hands all over me and he was protective so they knew they had no chance of touching me.

We sat at the Gryffindor table and I tucked in to porridge, Sirius had a full English as usual. I passed him orange juice as I knew he would not drink if it was not in front of him, he took a swig then leaned over a first year to get pumpkin juice "Sorry... forgot you don't like orange juice with bacon" he smiled passing his orange juice to me before shovelling scrambled egg into his large gob, I placed the spoon with porridge from my bowl in my mouth and dragged it out after taking the consistency into my mouth

"You know... that porridge... if it was liquid... would look like something very... naughty" I hit him softly on his chest

"Dirty bastard" I sucked on the spoon suggestively

"Now that can be considered mean" I smiled at him poking my tongue out to get some oats that were on my lips,

"So, what we doing today?"

"I've already told you; that would be telling" I whined at him but he didn't let in... He wouldn't I knew that but I could try.

I ended up with his hand over my mouth while he finished his breakfast, I tried to lick his hand to get it off my mouth but it didn't work, and he had cupped his hand so I couldn't bite, so I just sat there waiting for him to finish, when he did he asked if I was gonna ask questions and I shook my head so he took his hand off my mouth. "You'll find out very soon" I smiled up at him as he led me out of the great hall and down to the edge of the grounds to go through to Hogsmeed.

We went into shops to buy Christmas presents then we split up to get each other something before meeting up half an hour later, we walked around just talking for about an hour before Sirius stopped, I looked behind me a little as he had got a little behind me, he was pulling out something from his pocket I looked at him uneasy for a minute before he looked up and smiled "It's a surprise... where we're going, I want you to put this on" he had pulled out a blindfold

"Alright... I trust you" I turned around as he put the blindfold on.

He steered me somewhere, I lost track of where we could be, I was a little scared but then I remembered it was Sirius holding onto me, I heard a bell and warmth engulfed me; so knew we had entered somewhere, there was silence so I was worried, normally a shop would have some kind of chatter "Sirius... where are we?" I felt his hands fumbling around the back of my head and I saw a small restaurant appearing as the blindfold slid down.

No-one was there but a waitress and a barman, both the staff seemed like they had only just left Hogwarts "Hey Sirius... is this Louise?"

"Yeah, it is" he smiled at me, I looked around a little perplexed "This is Emily, and over there is Tom, they're brother and sister, I booked the restaurant... I wanted to celebrate your sixteenth on our own" I threw myself into Sirius' arms

"You are so sweet, oh I love you!" he hugged me tightly

"I love you too".

He set me down on the ground and pulled out a chair on one of the tables, the candles in the middle where lit and menus were given as I sat down in the pulled out chair, Sirius sitting opposite me. We ordered and the food was served within five minutes and drinks with it. We ate looking at each other.

After the food Sirius got up looking like he was going to the bar but he stopped next to me, "Lou..." he went down onto one knee producing a small leather box from his pocket "Will you do me the honour..." he opened the box to reveal a silver ring with three diamonds set in the metal, piercing the middle, more larger precious stone was a slither of onyx, I gasped quietly "of being with me for the rest of our lives... and make me the happiest man on earth?" I was speechless, I opened my mouth trying to say something but nothing came out

"Y... y... yes" I breathed, he took my hand and slipped the perfect ring on my wedding finger, he rose back up and hugged me before kissing me.

"I love you Lou... so... so much"

"I love you with everything I have... you've captured my heart... with no mercy" I smiled kissing him.

We went back to the castle after drinks with the waitress and barman in celebration. It was around six in the evening when we got back after walking slowly with his arm around my shoulders and my arm around his waist, every few steps we kissed, (cheesy, I know but it just felt right to do so, that's also why it took so long to get back to the castle).

We got into the common room to an explosion, I jumped back in shock and then had to shield my eyes as a number of fireworks went off "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUISE!" I smiled before joining the party with Sirius, more fireworks were set off before it got late so we put silencing charms around the circular room so we could turn the music up full blast and set off more fireworks with no interruptions or complaints... we were very considerate of other people, but then we decided to go and wake up the hole of Gryffindor tower by taking off the silencing charms on the way to the dormitories.

The party ended in the early hours of the Sunday so we went off to our dorms, we were too tired to do anything so we just fell asleep with me safely wrapped in Sirius' arms.


	25. the spell

Chapter 25

"OH MY GOD!" I had just entered the first class of a Monday morning, a scream from a few girls that where sitting on the desks waiting for our charms teacher, was not what I wanted, I looked at them tiredly, Sirius had his arm around my waist and I had just put my left hand up to swipe away some stray hairs from my eyes, they were all staring at me and I realised it was at the ring on my hand "Louise come here, let's see that" I went over vaguely unaware of anything, I was way too tired from the night before.

Lily took my left hand and looked at the silver band around my finger "This is beautiful" she looked over at Sirius in approval "At least we know you're not cheap Sirius" he smiled in a 'as if I would be' way before joining me.

"So when did he pop the question?" Lily had abandoned her notes and was leaning back to ask me questions about Sirius

"Saturday, my birthday, he booked a restaurant... the whole restaurant, we had a nice meal, and then he went down on one knee, all traditional, and said 'Will you do me the honour of being with me for the rest of our lives and make me the happiest man on earth?' and I didn't know what to say, it was like, so unexpected, but of course I said yes... how could I not say yes to him?" all the girls looked admiringly at me then Sirius

"Do you have to tell the whole story Lou?"

"Girls prerogative that is mate, should have known that" James pitched in

"Girls! And, boys, will you be quiet and listen" came Professor Flitwig's squeak from the board; we all sniggered before talking quieter the girls squealing at anything sweet I said about Sirius.

Then the question popped up "So... have you done it... if you know what I mean?" I turned red, "You have? Oh my god!" I turned even redder thinking of the night before, Sirius taking me in a land of total euphoria, he took me and I enjoyed it and it felt so right.

"Come on... I think that's a little personal don't you?" Lily saved me; I love that girl sometimes I really do.

By lunch the whole school knew that Sirius and I were engaged... not many people congratulated us, which I hadn't expected in all honesty, we had lots of dirty looks and lots of cat calls though... it was as if it was a really bad thing two people in love. I didn't care what all these people thought, the boys were happy for us, and Lily and her friends were pleased and admiring.

I curled up to Sirius every night and somehow it felt different, felt more like that was how it should be, I never understood how a silver band around my finger could do that, but somehow it did, I felt completely at ease, it was amazing... a simplistic gesture can mean the world. Like watching the stars twinkle, a simplistic thing... yet so peaceful, those burning balls of gas so far away, that they're already dead, but just so peaceful.

Stars... there amazing aren't they? Like all of them are now dead, I just find that amazing really, we're seeing something that's already dead but has only just reached us. Nature is just full of weird and wonderful things... like the sunset, if you watch it really closely, watch how the clouds are outlined in the red/orange and then the whiteness of the clouds is changed into an orangey tint. Sometimes it turns to red, to purple, to dark purple to dark blue... to the night sky, and then the twinkling yellow specks come out.

I sat at the window watching the night sky as the boys slept peacefully "Lou?" I looked behind me to the sleepy voice "Come back to bed baby"

"Go back to sleep... I'll be there soon" I was thinking of the day ahead... the dangerous task we had to do, well we had decided to do... as that day we were to become our animals... I still didn't know my animal, I didn't want to until the last minute, when it was too late to turn back, I twirled my wand thinking of the spell that would tell me what weird creature I would become. I didn't really know, I never really thought of an animal I could be. I gave up my thought and turned back to Sirius curling into bed with him.

James, Sirius and I were in the dorm alone going over the spell again and again; Remus did not want to be part of it... I still didn't know what was up with him, he spoke to me a little now, but nowhere near the amount a friend should be talking to a friend.

I was nervous; I didn't want it to go wrong, and you had to do it on yourself, no-one could do it for you, I was not as advanced as the boys were, they said I'd do fine but I knew they were just saying that. I decided to see what animal I was before I went ahead just so I knew that I had it right when I did it.

I got Sirius to say the incantation and the weirdest of creatures burst from his wand, it was a rabbit and looked like a rabbit but as soon as it sprang from his wand it shook and bat like wings came out of its back, like the stag and the dog had to Sirius and James it came up to me and sniffed then nodded before disappearing. I looked at where it had just been in fear "Racknol" I looked at Sirius confused "it's a magical creature that has evolved to stop being attacked and stop attacking others, rather than only being on the floor where it would be hunted, and it would attack animals, it evolved to be winged so they could protect themselves and others" I looked at Sirius in a mixture of curiosity and worry, I put it to the back of my mind, it was a cute creature really, and it appeared like the wings were not noticeable unless it came from under the fur to fly.

Sirius went first; he muttered the incantation tapped his head with his wand twice, leaving a two second pause between each tap, tapped each leg the same way, then finely tapped his chest five times before he went extremely pale and still as if the body bound curse had been performed, his head bowed and he dropped to his hands and knees where his body gave a huge shudder and on the floor sprang a big black dog.

James went through the whole process as well, then it was my turn, I did what both the boys had done then felt a severe cold strike through my body, I knew the stone had connect with my knees but couldn't feel it, I could feel everything in my body shifting and cracking but it wasn't painful like you would imagine, it was uncomfortable, but not painful, I felt everything shifting together, felt some things getting bigger, and I felt irritation on my skin. All this happened in a few split seconds before I looked into the mirror and I was a jet black rabbit, with long ears that drooped to the floor but I could pick them up, I bared my teeth and I had bat like fangs, my eyes were ice blue, I rose to my hind legs and saw a dragon like marking on my black fur.

Sirius picked me up, I was bigger than his hands; I was about as long as his forearm and both his hands could not get around me, my fur was thick and I thought of my normal form and I instantly turned back, my bones shifting and expanding before I was being held by Sirius around my waist before he set me down. "You're really cute" he nuzzled my neck as he wrapped his arms around me from behind; I rolled my eyes not believing him.

It was full moon that night so we decided to try out our theory of Remus not attacking us when in our form. We waited under the invisibility cloak on the outskirts of the forest waiting for the matron to come out of the womping willow. When she appeared we changed into our forms, it was really easy to do so, literally you just had to think of changing and then you did. I produced my wings ones I had transformed so I could get to the not in the tree to get to the secret passage way. Once I had pressed it the womping willow froze so the two larger animals (James and Sirius) could follow me into the passage. I folded my wings in and slid down the dirt slope and getting quickly out of the way so the boys wouldn't squish me, as soon as I was in the passage way I could hear Remus howling. I hopped down the passage way but found I was too slow, and when I had looked back realised James was stuck with his massive antlers, he changed back into his human form "Damn it why do I have to be the huge animal?"

"Because it shows your true colours James" Sirius had also turned back, I changed back as I realised I was the odd one out as usual

"Why don't you two go outside? I'll get Remus out of the house" they both gave me the thumbs up, Sirius looked at me

"Be careful though

"Of course I will" and I changed back making sure the two boys were out of the tunnel before I ventured down by flying, I got to a trap door and luckily it was open so I could get through, I shot up and weaved my way through the house to the sound of ripping wood and howling, the moon wasn't quite out yet so I could tell he was probably going through his change. I went to where I could hear everything and landed gently before hopping through the door.

I saw him ripping at his skin, and twisting and writhing, my heart gave a sharp tug every time I saw the agony. I waited until he was fully transformed when I slowly ventured in "Remus" I whispered "Remus" he looked around looking confused at me, I raised an ear before gesturing with my head for him to follow, he cocked his head confused before howling and jumping past me running down the house I spread my wings and followed, he dived down the trap door a little ahead of me, I got to the trap door and soared down following Remus closely, we got out into the cold December air, as soon as Remus had gone past the womping willow he looked back at me as I landed folding in my ugly wings.

Remus approached me nudging me with his nose, I was scared but hid it, all I could think was 'don't eat me, don't eat me' I heard a bark from nearby and Remus looked up to see the big fluffy dog which was Sirius and next to him was the stag who was James. I nudged the werewolf towards the other animals and I hopped over to Sirius and then jumped onto his back. Remus took a few steps towards us then ran the other way.

We followed him, I took off from Sirius' back so I wouldn't fall off and he could run faster without the fear of hurting me. Sirius was a fast runner as a dog, James galloped along, he was fast too I flew with ease a few feet above them gliding with my large wings stretched out either side of me. Remus stopped a few meters in front of us looking back at us, he approached Sirius and James cautiously then nudged them both with his grey snout; afterwards he let out a large howl towards the moon running round them playfully jumping near them.

I awoke next to Sirius on a dusty floor, I sat up slowly and looked towards the bed; Remus looked terrible, not as bad as normal but still awful, I shook Sirius gently awake he stirred and slowly opened his eyes to look at me. "What time's it?"

"Err... I don't know" I looked out of the window the sun was very low "But we better go or we'll get caught" Sirius nodded getting up and leaping onto James to wake him up, he yelled out and tried to attack Sirius but Sirius pinned him down telling him we had to go. The sleepy James realised and got up throwing Sirius off him.

We ran through the tunnel and ran out of the womping willow James took out the invisibility cloak and threw it over us; the boys had to crouch down as they were now too tall for the cloak, we crouched behind a bush as we saw the doors of the entrance hall open, me and Sirius almost left James behind as we went to crouch.

Once the matron had gone down the tunnel we slipped inside the castle and up to the Gryffindor tower, luckily we did not meet any teacher that we could bang into. We pulled off the cloak when we got into the tower and climbed the stairs of the boys' dorm.

I bolted into the boys' bathroom as soon as I got in; I turned on the shower and stripped stepping into the hot blast of pummelling water. The whole room was full of steam in a matter of minutes and I started to relax and hum a tune from a cheesy band I used to listen to when I wasn't at this school.

I squeezed Sirius' shampoo onto my hand and massaged it into my hair "Fucking hell Lou, is there enough steam in here?" the relaxation and peace was sliced as I tensed

"Can't I have a decent shower please?" I would normally feel relaxed in his company but there's certain times you don't want a boy in the bathroom when you are naked and when you've accidently kissed him ones.


	26. betrayals

Chapter 26 lf

"Lou, I need to talk to you"

"Can't it wait James, please I wanna shower in peace" I ducked my head under the spray ones more rinsing all the suds from my hair then reaching for the conditioner

"Lou please I need to talk to you

"Fuck off James!" I ran the conditioner through my hair then washed it out thoroughly.

I shut off the water then reached around the glass for a towel; instead I felt a hand and the hand pull and I was out of the shower cubical completely naked in front of James, I reached for a white fluffy towel that was next to me and wrapped it around myself quickly, turning red that James had seen me naked when my own fiancé had only seen me in that state ones. A tear glided down my cheek, it just felt like I had cheated on Sirius all over again.

"James, what...?"

"You shouldn't be marrying Sirius" I looked at him confused

"What... James?"

"You shouldn't be marrying him, he's not good enough for you Lou, I mean it, you're so much better than him

"James... what are you talking about?" I stepped back away from him

"You shouldn't be with him... you should... you should be with me" he came right up to me and I tried to push James away as he put his hand on my lower back "Leave me alone James" I spoke as calmly as I could fully aware that there was only a towel covering my naked body.

He leaned in to kiss me but I slapped him dodging past him and trying to run for the door, however with all the steam it was extremely slippery, especially with my bare feet and I slipped over, I tried to pick myself back up but I only slipped again.

James was behind me picking me up but I slapped him again to try and get him away, I managed to get away and then through the door to the boys' common room, to my dismay nobody was there. I grabbed my wand hoping against hope James did not have his own on him and bolted the bathroom door.

I grabbed a pair of Sirius' jeans, his boxers and one of his shirts, then shoved them on quickly, I ran barefoot down the stone steps to find Sirius in the common room, I ran at him full speed and leapt into his arms shaking with all that had happened.

"Lou, what's happened?

"James, he, he tried to, he... don't worry" I realised it was stupid, nothing. And their friendship didn't need to be ruined by a... misunderstanding.

"No, tell me, what's James done?

"Nothing, he just scared me a little, it was probably just a joke, but you know me, I'm not very good with practical jokes, I take them too seriously, don't worry, honest baby" I kissed him gently trying to make him believe me, he pulled away looking at me

"Did he try it on with you again?" he asked calmly, saying it as if I could tell him anything and nothing will come of it; no problems at all.

I looked away, keeping my mouth tightly closed and my eyes downcast. "He did, didn't he? Was it while you were in the shower? Did he try to do more than kiss you? That son of a bitch!" I cowered slightly on his lap

"He didn't really... it was... I dunno... he pulled me out of the shower when I was trying to reach for the towel, and yeah that shook me up... he told me you aren't good enough for me. It's not true, I know that"

"FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" Sirius jumped up which caused me to fall off his lap and land on the floor.

"Siri... it was probably just a joke"

"Where is he?"

"It was a joke"

"No I know James' jokes and pulling you out of a shower when he knows you're uncomfortable about people seeing your body is not a fucking practical joke! He's gonna fucking pay!"

"Baby, baby please" I tugged at his sleeve as he went for the boys' steps, he flung his arm from my grip and stormed up the stairs, I heard a door bang open.

I ran up the stairs to see what Sirius was going to do, the bathroom door was blasted from its hinges. James was in the middle of the room looking slightly perplexed at Sirius' face. "LEAVE ME AND LOUISE THE FUCK ALONE YOU SLIMY FUCKED UP GIRLFRIEND STEELER!" James looked at me with pure hatred "Secta...

"Sirius that is not needed!" Remus had just walked up behind me, James had fallen to the ground as half the curse had hit him and a small gash appeared on his chest, the rest of the red light slithered very gracefully back into Sirius' wand.

"What happened?" Remus looked to me for the answer but Sirius answered for me

"James came onto her after he had pulled her out of the shower" his teeth were gritted his wand still poised towards James, who was still on his hands and knees coughing.

"Ok... Sirius lower your wand, I am sure James meant nothing by it and..."

"What like saying I'm not good enough for her? You really think that James? Do you? Sirius kicked James over onto his back and got down on his knees to punch down at him with his full strength. I bit my lip looking at Remus as to what I should do, Remus got out his wand and put a protective shield around James, I could see through the opaque misty like substance around him that his face was just covered in blood, "Remus! He deserves it!" Sirius growled banging on the shield

"No, he doesn't, let him speak", Sirius stormed passed me and Remus and left the dorm. Remus lifted the shield on James and asked the question he asked me and Sirius "What happened?"

"I don't know why I did it... I'm sorry" I left in disgust of James and followed Sirius.

I wandered down the halls wandering where Sirius could be, I didn't know and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to find him, he would be in an extremely foul mood after that incident.

I found him in the room of requirements; I fidgeted in the doorway wandering whether to go in or not "You can come in if you want... I won't bite" he was sitting in front of a fire, the flames lightening his features but kept shadows to show his anger. I approached him slowly a little afraid he was about to lash out at me.

I took a seat next to him crossing my legs and looking towards him "Do you believe James?" he looked at me

"No, I would never believe anything like what he said... if anything, I don't deserve you" I linked my fingers with his, he looked away from me and pulled his hand away, I looked down at my deserted hand then drew my knees up to hug them, I looked at the engagement ring on my finger and contemplated taking it off, but I thought that was over reacting. I bit my lip looking over at Sirius who had his back to me "Siri... what have I done wrong?"

"Maybe James is right"

"What?"

"Maybe you shouldn't be marrying me"

"Don't say that, please no it's not true" I pulled at his shoulders as a few tears fell from my eyes "Please Siri" he stood up making me fall over slightly

"James is right Lou... look at me, and then look at you, you deserve someone ten times better... a million times..."

"No, no it's not true James is a bull shitter and is just jealous, honest, if I could do better don't you think I would have run from you by now?" he turned to leave but I ran to stop him, I went in front of him and put my hands on his chest "Please, Siri I love you, I don't want you to walk away just because James said something that he didn't mean, I don't want to lose you... please... I'll be nothing without you" I looked up at him blinking away tears, he looked back at me lifting a heavy hand to my cheek whipping away some of the fallen tears then hugged me, I buried myself into his chest wrapping my arms around his waist, he lifted me up and took me to a bed that had just appeared, I curled into him once he laid next to me.

I uncurled sliding my legs in-between his then he slipped one of his legs in-between mine; I snuggled into his chest playing with his T-shirt, he stroked my back dancing his fingers around relaxing any tension from before, I fell asleep in his arms completely at ease.

Ok, enough with the lovey dovey stuff, I'm sure it's getting extremely boring, I know I'm getting bored talking about how fabulous my life was and how amazing Sirius was. Ok well the Dark Lord started properly rising in about our sixth year; he was recruiting people from Hogwarts, well recruiting parents and generally that meant the kids went too. I managed to stay quite a lot out of the stuff that ended up happening in school, which was quite good to what happened to other muggle borns. I couldn't really complain in all honesty, but Sirius appeared to have changed in that time though, he became more defensive, more protective of me... I suppose it was inevitable, I wasn't pure so I was in the most amount of danger. Also encase your wondering James and Sirius did regain their friendship, I decided to trust him as he was all over Lily and didn't seem to want to ruin that with her so left me well alone. So our group was fully together, whether Sirius ever fully trusted James ever again is a mystery to me and probably everyone else.

A group of Slitherins were huddled together talking when we walked past, they stopped and looked at Sirius, he automatically pulled me towards him and sped up I stopped and muttered just loud enough for the boys to hear "For fuck sake we act as if we've got to hide from them, can we just act normal... please?"

"Lou, if they got the chance they would do what they did to Mathew Felly" I shivered, somebody had found the little Ravenclaw hanging upsidown with a statue either side of him hanging by his feet, he was lucky somebody found him when they did as the statues were about to cut off his feet with the weight. I shivered Sirius came up close to me and put his arms around me "Baby, I just want to protect you, just let me" I looked down realising his worry I fiddled with my engagement ring biting my lip

"I'm sorry... didn't really realise why

"It's ok" he gently pulled my head towards him and gave me a small kiss "So what we doing tonight" he raised his eyebrows suggestively, I rolled my eyes backhanding Sirius gently on the chest, James and Remus were next to us by now so we went off to class in our usual four.

Sirius kissed me placing his hand above my head on the wall behind me, I put my hands on his cheek kissing him deeper, just then I heard whispering and giggling, Sirius obviously heard it too and looked around, nobody was there but we could still hear them "oh I would love to be that girl, in Sirius' arms, ooo wouldn't that be amazing!"

"Yeah but they've been together since like forever, how the hell did she get him? I know she's pretty but why didn't he go for like one of the other girls, there like way more into...' the girl whispered '...sex" they all giggled with the word, I rolled my eyes

"First years Siri

"Let's give them a little surprise" he winked at me and started to pull up my skirt I giggled and put my leg onto his waist then started to moan, I tried not to laugh as out of the corner of my eye I could see the group of girls looking at us

"Ewwwwwwwwww" all five of the girls screamed just then I couldn't hold my laughter in and dropped my leg leaning on Sirius laughing, he started to laugh as well

"Oh Godric you should have seen your faces!"

"Come on Lou... we still need to sort out the wedding plans you know" I laughed at Sirius trying to show off and we walked off past the girls.

I was sat in the common room by the roaring fire doing some last minute homework, Sirius was sat on the couch his hand on my back tracing patterns while I leant over a scroll of parchment, scribbling away trying to get the three foot essay done before the clock struck twelve, I was trying to make my writing as big as possible without it looking like my writing was stupidly preschool huge. "Lou can you stop doing that please?" I looked over to him

"You bored?" I asked writing another line on the page

"Yeah and your being boring"

"Why don't you give me yours to copy?"

"Because that's cheating my little Louise"

"Exactly so shut up and let me finish" he grumbled with my reply but didn't bug me again until I put down the quill with a relieved sigh.

I packed my stuff away in my school bag drying the ink on my page with a quick drying spell (I had not learnt the spell to make the ink instant drying yet, should seriously consider getting that off Remus) Sirius grabbed my bag and took it upstairs so I would follow like a good little doggy, although Sirius really should be the one following me like the big black dog he is.


End file.
